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Probably not the right question for this board - long

Does anyone know anything about Divorce?  No, not for DH & I, for my parents.

They don't talk to each other, well that's not true, my mom like's to call my dad "scum, a low life, an alcoholic, and the most recent an mf'er." My dad left, and has been staying at a hotel for the past two nights. (Hopefully today, he will come and crash at my place).

My parents currently live in a large house (4 bed/4 bath, LR, DR, Family Room, last I looked the house is worth about $500,000).  There is no reason they need all these rooms.

Getting to my question - Would it be possible, or how would it work - for them to get a divorce let my mom keep all her $$ (she's got quite a bit), but leave the house for my father? (My father is currently in retired, and in debt, but if we could get my mom out of the house, DH and I would move in, and help fix the place up and then sell it).

Let me know you thoughts, or if you know anything about divorce, please add your 2 cents.

 

Re: Probably not the right question for this board - long

  • If they can come to an agreement it obviously would make things much easier.  My friends just went through a divorce and they filed all their own papers as they agreed on pretty much everything.   They wrote out exactly what they wanted and then both signed it and had it brought to a judge.  Not sure what the laws/processes are in your state. 
  • Okay, that makes sense.

    But what if they wouldn't be able to agree?  My mom is the type of person who cares more about her "status", if that makes sense?  She's money hungry.  (I'm trying to sugar coat this, as I don't really like her). But, I don't think she would agree to that.  She wouldn't want to move, b/c the house makes people think she has $$. (But why the hell you'd want to be in that large house alone is beyond me).

    It's so annoying.  I just want pappa dukes to be happy, and currently he's not.  I can even tell he feels bad for staying at my place (he's too proud, and wouldn't want to intrude on me and DH, but he's totally not, he said he would go out and get his own apartment, but the $'s not there).

     

  • As Mofe said, it's state-dependent. But, if it's possible to do it without major fights and with limiting lawyers, it's much better. C's dad has handled some divorces where the people are so angry at each other and fight over every little thing and end up in debt from lawyer fees and seriously screwing themselves over.

    I'm sorry to hear about your parents.

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  • Divorces in theory can be very simple. It's the people that make them difficult. Each state will have its own paperwork, but basically the hard part is the separation agreement.

    Your parents have to sit down and figure out who gets what. If they can agree to a deal, then it's a very simple process. Fill out the paperwork and submit it, and I think most states make you show up in court for the final step. 

    It's if your parents don't agree on how to split things up that it gets complicated. Then lawyers become necessary because you have to go through mediation. It sounds like if that happened, your mom would lose a lot of her money to your father because they try to equalize both sides. He might also be entitled to spousal support depending on how much she makes and how many years she'll be working until she retires. So, that might be a bargaining chip for him to use to get her to figure out a separation agreement on their own. 

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  • What would happen if my dad had divorce papers drawn up, and she ignored them?
  • If she doesn't sign them, then they'll just stay married. Nothing happens until both sides sign. If she won't sign any papers ever (it seems like she wants the divorce, too, though), then he would have to file saying that the divorce is her fault. Agreeing to a separation agreement like I mentioned is a "no fault" divorce. No one gets blamed, you just split it up and go on your merry way. If he has to file that she's at fault, it's definitely going to be a costly court case.
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  • image AmyRI:
    If she doesn't sign them, then they'll just stay married. Nothing happens until both sides sign. If she won't sign any papers ever (it seems like she wants the divorce, too, though), then he would have to file saying that the divorce is her fault. Agreeing to a separation agreement like I mentioned is a "no fault" divorce. No one gets blamed, you just split it up and go on your merry way. If he has to file that she's at fault, it's definitely going to be a costly court case.

    This isn't necessarily true, depending on your state laws. CA is a no-fault state, period. Either spouse can divorce the other one for any reason. The consent of the other spouse is not required. CA is also a community property state, meaning that each person is entitled to 50% of any money or property that was accumulated during the marriage. I'm not sure the laws of your state, but here in CA each of your parents would be entitled to 1/2 of the other's EVERYTHING -- including retirement, pension, etc. 

    I hope everything works out, and I'm very sorry your dealing with it. Even as an adult, going through the divorce of your parents is still very, very difficult. 

  • image AmyRI:
    If she doesn't sign them, then they'll just stay married. Nothing happens until both sides sign. If she won't sign any papers ever (it seems like she wants the divorce, too, though), then he would have to file saying that the divorce is her fault. Agreeing to a separation agreement like I mentioned is a "no fault" divorce. No one gets blamed, you just split it up and go on your merry way. If he has to file that she's at fault, it's definitely going to be a costly court case.

    This isn't necessarily true, depending on your state laws. CA is a no-fault state, period. Either spouse can divorce the other one for any reason. The consent of the other spouse is not required. CA is also a community property state, meaning that each person is entitled to 50% of any money or property that was accumulated during the marriage. I'm not sure the laws of your state, but here in CA each of your parents would be entitled to 1/2 of the other's EVERYTHING -- including retirement, pension, etc. 

    I hope everything works out, and I'm very sorry your dealing with it. Even as an adult, going through the divorce of your parents is still very, very difficult. 

  • I don't know why my response posted twice, sorry.

    I stumbled across this though and thought it would help answer a lot of your questions.

    PA Divorce FAQ

     

  • This is going to sound bad but your dad could really screw your mom over in this situation since she has money and he doesnt.  In a community property state, its 50/50 - so he could make out ok.  Likely the house would have to be sold unless your mom could come out of pocket for her half with only half of her cash available to her.  In some states, she could even have to pay alimony to your dad if her income is greater but its unlikely.  The debt is also generally split 50/50.  Sucks for your mom (even though you dont like her) if she's the one that has been financially responsible, this could end up costing her a lot, including her retirement.

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