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Chatting?

I just found out that my fiance' chats with several women on-line.  We have dicussed the chatting and I feel that it's cheating, he disagrees.  I feel the time my fiance' spends chatting with other women takes time away from us ( our relationship).  Am I being a little too possessive? 

Re: Chatting?

  • Are these just old friends and he chats with many guys too, or is he just picking out women and creating new friendships?

    If it's the latter, I'd be calling a lawyer and getting an STD test.  At the very least, he's testing the waters and I have no doubt he'll be cheating as soon as he gets the chance.  At worst, he already has been.

  • OMGGP is wicked smart.
  • Question: If a man reads this post, are YOU cheating?
  • Sounds suspicious to me. So which is it? Old friends or random chicks?
  • Ditto the above - who is he chatting with?

    My H occasionally chats on FB with friends, some girls, some guys. I would think it was odd if ALL of his chats were with women, or if I didn't know any of them, or if he was hiding it, or chatting excessively.

    It's hard to tell from your short post what the deal is. 

  • so, if he is chatting with his sister online is it cheating to you?

    I have a feeling you mean just random women...

     



  • FWIW, my H frequents many forums - one about cars, so he ends up talking mostly to men, one about beer, so likewise, and then a feminist one.  So yeah, he ends up chatting with women, I suppose.

    But if it was something innocuous like this, I doubt you'd be asking us what we thought, right?

  • image dkholloway08:
    I just found out that my fiance' chats with several women on-line.  We have dicussed the chatting and I feel that it's cheating, he disagrees.  I feel the time my fiance' spends chatting with other women takes time away from us ( our relationship).  Am I being a little too possessive? 

    Honestly, if it's old friends I wouldn't mind the chatting.  Random girls or New girls he met at work or something, you have the right to think that he may cheat.  It would not be ok for him to do that.  Although, I would also pay attention to his reaction to "chatting" and how he believes its ok.  Honey you should definetly look into it and clarify it with him again.

  • Hey I'm chatting with ramdom woman am I cheating?
  • image Lhalsey315:
    Hey I'm chatting with ramdom woman am I cheating?

    ::tweaks lhalsey's nips::

    Yup!

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  • Having your own friends or a job takes time away from a relationship, but that doesn't make either of them inappropriate.  I don't mean to be snarky, but chatting with people of the opposite sex on the internet is not automatically cheating or automatically not cheating, it all depends on the context and what they are chatting about.

    Now if on the internet he only chats with women and in large numbers, that sounds like cheating.  (It's not necessarily cheating, but highly suspicious.)

    If he meets them on a dating site of some sort, that sounds like cheating.

    If he is talking to them about sex, that sounds like cheating.

    If he is talking with them (or doing anything really) so much that he doesn't have enough time to be fully invested in your relationship, that's a serious problem, but doesn't necessarily have anything to do with cheating.

    If he's talking to real friends (old or new) on the internet and some of them happen to be women, then you are being too possessive.

  •  chats with several women on-line

    While I would like to know the answers to OMGGP questions, I personally take this to mean random strangers and probably in a "one on one" setting - not in an open forum like this.

    If that is the case, then it's inappropriate at it's least.  I don't know if I can call "cheating", but it's getting awfully close to that line. 

    "Beer is living proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."
    ~Benjamin Franklin

    Lilypie Third Birthday tickers
    DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10

  • image Geek_Girl:

    image Lhalsey315:
    Hey I'm chatting with ramdom woman am I cheating?

    ::tweaks lhalsey's nips::

    Yup!

    *Giggle giggle* Oh you know what I like*smacks Geek on the ass*

  • Chatting w/ random chicks=I wouldnt have it!

    Chatting w/ old friends/family=I dont mind.

  • Well, at the very least, this is something that you feel very strongly about, and he's dismissing your feelings.  "Nuh uhhhh" is not a very satisfactory response to "I think your behavior with these women is bordering on cheating".

    Welcome to the rest of your life if you marry this man, ok? "I can hurt you; and you can tell me about it, and I'll just pretend it's not a problem by denying that you should be hurt by me behaving hurtfully" is not much of a basis for marriage.

    SO SINGS MY SOUL *WHAM!* MY SAVIOR GOD TO THEE *WHAM!* HOW GREAT THOU ART *WHAM!* HOW GREAT THOU ART *WHAM!*
  • Wait, you're not even married?!  Oh honey, run the other way.  Fast.

    If not, he's going to cheat on you down the road, because it's pretty obvious he doesn't respect you, and you will feel like an idiot for not getting out when you could.

  • My husband chats on Facebook all the time catching up with people, whether it's coworkers or old friends - some/most girls.

    The difference? He tells me about them all and I've met them all at least once.  He tells me what they talk about, not because I demand to know or he's reporting to me, but because he's bringing his wife in on a part of his life.

    If he's talking to all these people and you don't know what they're talking about and you don't know who they are, then I'd ask him. 

    If he refuses to tell you, pack your bags.  If he says "yeah, that's Julie from high school, we're remembering our mean chemistry teacher" and other stories so boring you can't wait for him to go back to what he was doing, then I think you're safe.

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    TTC since Sept '10

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  • Eh, I now think this is another case of MUD.  First time poster, never comes back?
    "Beer is living proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."
    ~Benjamin Franklin

    Lilypie Third Birthday tickers
    DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10

  • Like pp have already said, it depends on the situation as to whether or not you are over-reacting or if it is at the very least something to be concerned with or not.

  • I do not believe you are being too possessive...to me it is very childish and if it bothers you and he loves you he should be able to stop doing it. Having been in this situation it can be very nerve racking....I also believe that it takes away from your relationship. The time spent talking, sneaking around and upsetting you could be time spent improving your relationship....Also these days females more than males do not respect a married/taken man, for what reasons I do not understand... Also our men need to think about their actions before they act. I believe that marriages survived before the internet age and they should be able to survive now...

    First Time Mom To Be
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