Politics & Current Events
Dear Community,

Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.

If you have questions about this, please email [email protected]

Thank you.

Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.

Replies

  • :: sigh ::

    Just like you can't choose your family, you can't choose your coworkers.  Hopefully your friend won't notice.  I'm sure she'll be too distracted with her grief and possibly a backlog of work.  Even though your coworkers are, I'm sure, at the center of her universe.  As they should be.

    image
  • WOW those people sound like complete douchebags!
  • i'm very sorry about your friend.

    my friends lost their child.  after that the same thing happened.  some people don't know how to deal with loss, and the loss of a child is the most horrible thing imaginable.  (what's that saying?  something about there being a word for losing a spouse, and a word for losing a parent, but there's no word for you when you lose a child because there's no word horrible enough to describe it.  i've butchered it, but that's it in a nutshell.)

    i know it's hard but i'd cut them some slack on it.  if your friend says something to you i'd be honest and tell her they don't know how to deal with her.  it's nothing personal towards her at all, but it's better she be told the truth than not.

    proof that i make babies. jack, grace, and ben, in no particular order
    image image image
  • Well I definitely think their reaction was weird, but I also think it is a little strange to tell people what to say and what not to say to someone upon returning from leave after a personal loss.  Everyone is an adult.  Some people have better filters than others but I don't think it is something that can be policed.  Unfortunately I think that probably created a situation where people were even more concerned about saying the "wrong" thing so they just want to say nothing to be on the safe side.  Not saying it is right...
  • Someone I know veeery casually at work was pregnant, and went on maternity leave.  We only crossed paths once a week or every other week, so it was a while before I had a chance to talk to her again when she came back.  One day it popped in my head, and I asked her how the baby was.  Turns out she lost it, either right before or right after birth, I don't know.  I wanted to eat my foot and crawl in a hole... she was very gracious, though, in her response and in not making me feel likeshit for asking her what she must have been asked many times already Sad  I felt so bad.
  • ditto mn. I think its weird to tell people to not say anything.
  • image marriednow06:
    Well I definitely think their reaction was weird, but I also think it is a little strange to tell people what to say and what not to say to someone upon returning from leave after a personal loss. Everyone is an adult. Some people have better filters than others but I don't think it is something that can be policed. Unfortunately I think that probably created a situation where people were even more concerned about saying the "wrong" thing so they just want to say nothing to be on the safe side. Not saying it is right...

    Wouldn't they just say anything other than "tell me how your baby died?" I don't mean that in a snarky way, but I think it's a sad situation if people can't figure out how to express condolences and act kindly without asking invasive details, kwim? Have we all just lost the art of good manners and consideration? :: begins old lady rant about kids nowadays ::

    image
  • image carolina00:

    image marriednow06:
    Well I definitely think their reaction was weird, but I also think it is a little strange to tell people what to say and what not to say to someone upon returning from leave after a personal loss. Everyone is an adult. Some people have better filters than others but I don't think it is something that can be policed. Unfortunately I think that probably created a situation where people were even more concerned about saying the "wrong" thing so they just want to say nothing to be on the safe side. Not saying it is right...

    Wouldn't they just say anything other than "tell me how your baby died?" I don't mean that in a snarky way, but I think it's a sad situation if people can't figure out how to express condolences and act kindly without asking invasive details, kwim? Have we all just lost the art of good manners and consideration? :: begins old lady rant about kids nowadays ::

    Really, what's wrong with "I'm so sorry, Coworker, I just wanted you to know we're thinking about you"?

    "I
  • image carolina00:

    image marriednow06:
    Well I definitely think their reaction was weird, but I also think it is a little strange to tell people what to say and what not to say to someone upon returning from leave after a personal loss. Everyone is an adult. Some people have better filters than others but I don't think it is something that can be policed. Unfortunately I think that probably created a situation where people were even more concerned about saying the "wrong" thing so they just want to say nothing to be on the safe side. Not saying it is right...

    Wouldn't they just say anything other than "tell me how your baby died?" I don't mean that in a snarky way, but I think it's a sad situation if people can't figure out how to express condolences and act kindly without asking invasive details, kwim? Have we all just lost the art of good manners and consideration? :: begins old lady rant about kids nowadays ::

    Not everyone handles these types of situations the same way. I can completely understand if they find it difficult to talk to her about anything.  I do hope they express their sympathy though.

    [IMG]http://i39.tinypic.com/2yp0n5f.gif[/IMG]
  • image talltalltrees:
    image carolina00:

    image marriednow06:
    Well I definitely think their reaction was weird, but I also think it is a little strange to tell people what to say and what not to say to someone upon returning from leave after a personal loss. Everyone is an adult. Some people have better filters than others but I don't think it is something that can be policed. Unfortunately I think that probably created a situation where people were even more concerned about saying the "wrong" thing so they just want to say nothing to be on the safe side. Not saying it is right...

    Wouldn't they just say anything other than "tell me how your baby died?" I don't mean that in a snarky way, but I think it's a sad situation if people can't figure out how to express condolences and act kindly without asking invasive details, kwim? Have we all just lost the art of good manners and consideration? :: begins old lady rant about kids nowadays ::

    Really, what's wrong with "I'm so sorry, Coworker, I just wanted you to know we're thinking about you"?

    absoulutely nothing, but if there's one thing the C&Ps on this board have taught me, it's "don't trust anyone".

    proof that i make babies. jack, grace, and ben, in no particular order
    image image image
  • image lyssbobiss:

    image marriednow06:
    Well I definitely think their reaction was weird, but I also think it is a little strange to tell people what to say and what not to say to someone upon returning from leave after a personal loss.  Everyone is an adult.  Some people have better filters than others but I don't think it is something that can be policed.  Unfortunately I think that probably created a situation where people were even more concerned about saying the "wrong" thing so they just want to say nothing to be on the safe side.  Not saying it is right...

    Normally, I agree with you, but these are people with no tact.  I frequently hear about how terrible they think my husband is because he's a PD.  So I think they need a (not so gentle) nudge because I can promise you, they'd say something ridiculous.

    Okay but someone like that is not really going to follow instructions on what to say and what not to say anyway.  I find with every major event in life, good or bad, someone always says something inappropriate.  You have to roll with it and move on.  I am sorry about your friend though.  I know this must be a difficult time for her. 

  • I personally like to know in advance if someone is wanting to talk about something or not, because people grieve differently.  I don't know that this is the right thing to do, but sometimes I will make a point to talk to someone about normal stuff because it is weird to be in a silence bubble.  Then I will send a card or email them that I am thinking of them and that my prayers are with them.  I think that way they don't have to respond or feel uncomfortable. 
  • Wow, that is AWFUL.  What idiots.  As if this is about THEM.  That's ridiculous.  

    I'm so sorry for your friend.  What a horrible time for her. :( 

    <a href="http://tinypic.com?ref=4ryq9d" target="_blank"><img src="http://i42.tinypic.com/4ryq9d.jpg" border="0" alt="Image and video hosting by TinyPic"></a>

    <a href=http://anniecanhazcheezburger.wordpress.com>Well, that would be telling</a>


    [url]http://www.babynames.com/namelist/9786320[/url]
  • I completely understand not wanting to talk about it and asking a friend to tell people not to bring it up. I think some people forget that we all handle things differently. Some people welcome such comments, others would be crushed by it.
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