I apologize if this doesn't make sense but I've been dealing with it all for so long that my brain hurts. My ILs are a problem. My husband is about 85% on my side. The latest event was this:
Mother's day this year I was running late and feeling like a less-than-stellar hostess because I hate running late. My ILs came over, we ate dinner, I took my son up and put him to bed when I came back down my ILs had cornered DH and were wispering, this is the 3rd year of this crap, lets not pretend you're not talking about me and just cut to the chase. So I say "What's up? Does anyone want to play a game?" (we play games, it's a thing)
FIL starts screaming at me anc cursing me out in my own home. I look at DH, he has this "I was not expecting him to act like this look" which is really similar to the "I hate conflict, please defend yourself because I'm scared to" look. I don't mind, too much. So I scream over him "If you aren't going to talk to me like an adult in a civil tone you can get the bleep out of my house right now."
DH reads Toxic In Laws cover to cover and decides that he needs to write them a letter itemizing the ways they will no longer be allowed to be have towards him (talking about me, telling him I'm a bad wife and mother) and me (acting like a-holes to my face).
FIL sends a letter apologizing for his behavior. His letter is addressed to DH.
I have told DH that his parents will never see me or our kids again until I receive an apology (frankly I would prefer to write them off entirely). DH agrees that I deserve one and keeps saying he's going to tell his parents as much. But he plans for us to see them accoring to him "in mid September" and the last time he told them that FIL needed to apologize MIL told him that there was no reason and I got what I deserved (I'm totally ad-libbing here).
I keep trying to tell him that if he expects this visit to happen at all that he needs to give them time to decide whether or not they're willing to apologize. But when I bring it up it's like WWIII.
I don't even know what I want to happen. If they don't apologize I never have to expose myself or my kid(s) to them again, because I'm not giving up that condition. I want my DH to stand up (to be fair he has stood up) but I really want him to tell them where to go and how to get there. Or maybe they could someday act like human beings, but that might be expecting too much.
I hope what I've written at least makes some sense, and maybe you ladies can help me, I feel like we've already tried everything.
p.s. DH and I both know that this entire situation started as a DH problem.