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My mom is a troublemaker

I'm just curious if anyone else is going through a simliar situation as me.. So my FI and I moved next door to my parents 6 months ago and rented from them.. All was great when we moved in but my mom was over alot and saw alot of our day to day life, little arguments and so on. Well my brother came over one night and started telling my FI and I all the stuff my mom was talking about us. She was saying how my FI couldn't take care of me and she has a problem with him switching his job. Meanwhile he makes double what he was making, I don't get it. So I went next door to talked to her and she locked herself in her room and didn't want to talk, I just started yelling at my mom cause I was so hurt and mad that she's talking all about us to my brothers and her friends. Why not talk to me? So long story short, we wound up moving out last month. We cancelled our big wedding and my FI and I and 2 friends are going to Vegas and we will get married there. She said right to my FI in a very nasty tone "You aren't the guy for my daugther and you can't support her" And my dad said just prove to us that you can. My FI said "I have nothing to prove to you guys, I have everything to prove to your daughter" Well my parents didn't like what he said so now they don't want anything to do with him. I let things settle for a few weeks and went over the other day and asked them when they are coming to see our new place, my mom said only when I'm home. I think it's total BS. My mom hurt me so much this year, I wasn't invited to my dads 60th bday or allowed over for fathers day. I'm just sick of it. I'm 30!! On top of that my brothers dont talk to me because my mom told them my FI yelled at her. I said you guys don't even know the whole story and they didn't even care to hear my side. So now it's 2 weeks before we're married and my parents don't even want to let things go and move on. I wrote a letter to her a few weeks ago, she didn't even call me. She's so stubborn and nasty and they one that's  hurting the most is me. I already know I will have a huge chip on my shoulder for the rest of my life and when it's my brothers turn to get married I will remember this and treat them the same way.

 I'm just curious of anyone else has a similiar situation and what they did and what happened down the line? Thanks!

Re: My mom is a troublemaker

  • There has to be more to this story.  I cannot believe that everything was great between your parents and your FI and then out of the blue one day your parents hate him.

    So what is the rest of the story?

     

     

  • there's really not. after i found out all what she was saying, i got really mad cause she told everyone else but me. even when i confront her and tell her i dont think its right you talk behind my back, she just switches to something else. now she thinks she's never come off with a nasty tone with him and they are pissed at how he talked to them and when I try to explain that she started off being nasty she denies it! its a losing battle talking with her.

  • So, you involved your parents in your daily life by living next door to them, having them as landlords, and airing your dirty laundry in front of them, and you can't understand why they might have some misgivings about your relationship?

    And DID your fiance yell at your mother?  Regardless of what you feel your mother may or may not have done to deserve it, your brothers may feel that their sister's husband-to-be has no business behaving disrespectfully to their mother. 

    I'm not saying your family's blameless in all this, because it doesn't sound like they've handled things well, but do you really not see where you've contributed to some of the issues?  Focus on what you've done poorly, figure out how not to do it in the future, and don't waste time plotting petty revenges for some future time when your brothers get married.

    "You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means." Lilypie Fourth Birthday tickers Lilypie Third Birthday tickers
  • I think the solution is to push less, not more.  Stop inviting them over and trying to force everyone together.
    image
  • Tell your mother that if she will only go to your home when your fi/dh is not there, then she is not welcome.

    I think you need to distance yourself from your family.  Stop trying to get your mom and dad to accept you and your fi.  Live your life the way YOU want.  Keep in touch with your brothers, but only if they can separate you and your mom - meaning they don't go back and forth telling you what your mom says, and don't ask them to talk to your mom about how you are doing.

    Get married and be happy with your choice.  You are 30.  You don't need your mom and dad to approve your choices anymore! 

  • I still don't believe you, but since you refuse to be honest with us there is only one piece of advice to give.

    Avoid them whenever possible and when you have to interact with them be polite.

  • Why would I take the time to come on here and write a blog to get others opinions only for it to be untrue?????

     Yes, I have decided to just distance myself and when they are ready to talk, they can contact me. I just think that since I'm the only girl they are extra worried which they really don't need to be. My FI is so generous and always trys to make me happy. I hope that after we're married and they see everything is working out and were happy.. things will eventually get better. But for now.. I'll live my life and be happy..

  • It's not that people think you're lying, exactly, it's that people think you're upset and giving your own slanted perspective on the situation.
    image
  • image scherza:

    So, you involved your parents in your daily life by living next door to them, having them as landlords, and airing your dirty laundry in front of them, and you can't understand why they might have some misgivings about your relationship?

    All of this....PLUS you cancelled your wedding to elope in Vegas and didn't invite them to go with you..........yet you still can't understand why there's all of these hard feelings?

    Your mother does sound awful and childish, and I agree completely with what your FI told them.  But you have played a role in this as well.  Stop contacting them and expecting them to come around.  Start living your life without them.  If they want to resume a relationship with you, they will.

    Lilypie Kids Birthday tickers Lilypie Second Birthday tickers
  • not at all, I def want others opinions so its the story. I had no idea she was mad at anything until the night my brother came over and said all what my mom was saying. My mom is like that, she gets mad at friends, and we hear about it and everyday she talks about it and then months will go by and now shes friends with them again but never addresses the problems with them. It just when SHE wants to not be mad anymore then the friendship is back on. Weird because I'm the type of person when somthing bothers me I like to address it, talk about it, resolve it and move on. She just bottles everything up and then one day it all hits me. Like for instance, one night my FI said something about that after we get married, he might go on my healthplan because its $200 cheaper. Well that was one of the things that made her mad, she turned it into my FI no wanting to work and go on my insurance. I'm like what are u talking about?? He and I sat down and said since my plan is cheaper, well go on mine for the time being. Then my mom goes well what about if u get pregnant? I said then we'll have no choice but to go on his. He was job hunting at the time anyway, and has since found a great job and his plan is better so the whole thing was over nothing, but this is just one example of how she hears something and turns it around into a bigger thing.
  • Why were the two of you even discussing your health insurance plans with your mother in the first place?  That's the thing with parents - if you discuss something with them or in front of them, they get the idea that they have a say in it, and nothing you do can shake them of that idea.
    image
  • People constantly come on here posting half-truths or one sided stories to make themselves look better.  It is usually easy to see through all the BS and get to the root of the problem.  I'm not saying that the story you gave isn't true, just that there is no way this is the only issue that has come up between you, your FI, and your family. 

    Normal, rational people don't just turn on their child and/or their child's fianc?.  This argument might have been the straw that broke the camel's back, but there was some build up.  Normal rational people don't start spreading lies and lock themselves in the bathroom.  Normal rational people don't attack their mother and berate her while she is locked in the bathroom.  Normal rational people don't get so defensive when they are asked to walk the walk and prove that they are capable of supporting a family.  Normal rational people don't act like vengeful little brats by canceling their weddings and vowing to remember this treatment when their siblings' weddings roll around. 

    So yes I think you are completely full of it to come on here blame your mother for all of these horrors and claim that this one argument is the only issue that has come between you.  Sorry, but no one is going to buy that.

  • I did invite my parents to Vegas. Before we even cancelled the wedding and booked anything in Vegas, we spoke to my mom and she said whatever we want to do. Then after Vegas was booked they told me that since they put alot of money into renivating the place we were living in, they weren't able to go to Vegas.
  • I know, my FI told her about the healthplan situation. I've def learned the less my parents know, the better. In hindsight, it was a bad decision for us to move nextdoor, it was too close and bad idea to let my mom know of alot of our plans because it does leave the door open for her to say what she thinks and get too involved.
  • You got in a fight with your mom and cancelled your wedding to get married in vegas?  This seems so dramatic.

    Yeah, your mom seems a little off, but with things like that, so do you.

    Granted, your post was hard to read (paragraphs make it much easier) and I gave up on it about half way through...

  • It sounds like your mother is a drama queen. Did you depend on her alot before you moved in with FI? if so she could be resenting him for being the one you go to now.

    You were smart to move out and I know it hurts to not have your family involved in your life right now but I respect that you've stood by your FI. Next time your mom wants to start trouble, very calmly tell her that you are an adult and she doesn't get to tell you or your FI how to live.

    [IMG]http://img534.imageshack.us/img534/1457/jansiggy.jpg[/IMG]
  • This is why living next to your parents, having them as landlords, and basically allowing them into every aspect of your private life is usually not a good idea.

    Why are you so shocked that they are worried about your well-being?  You have allowed them to get a glimpse into a life that you should really only be sharing with your husband.

     

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  • GBCKGBCK member
    Ancient Membership Combo Breaker
    image astewart383:

    Why would I take the time to come on here and write a blog to get others opinions only for it to be untrue?????

     'tis a post, not a blog.

    And, to answer yoru question, the same reason lots of people do--to get attention and/or to prsent their story in such a way as to get answers they WANT.  You can leave out or change a precious few details and advice changes dramatically; it doesn't take a lot of twisting to get the answers you want to hear. 

     Either she is rather crazy (and you know this--being her kid you'd have to be aware of it) or there is backstory we're missing.

     

    You say in your last post that your mom is like this...then this behavior isn't new.  So this isn't a shock --this is something you already know, and, on some level, you should already know how to deal with.  

    So, since you know how she is, then don't be all crazy and do the same thing and expect a different result.  Create boundries.  Don't tell her all your personal business (including your insurance plans and/or your plans if you got PG, etc) 

  • I'm so sorry you're going through this, especially right before your wedding.  I can relate because my family is full of nasty, thick-headed, abusive people who say the RUDEST, MEANEST things and then proceed to flip out and call you "disrespectful" whenever you in any way stand up for yourself.  The saddest thing is, my mother is legitimately crazy (borderline personality disorder) so you can't even be as mad as you'd like to.

     

    You're mother seems like she'd fit into my clan just fine. 

     

     I can only imagine how upset you are by all of this.  I mean, clearly, if your mother is this crazy, living next door was probably not the best idea...Regardless, I know first hand...it's hard (and sad, and depressing) to be in a family whose love and support is conditional. 

     Hope things get better.

     

  • image ReturnOfKuus:
    Why were the two of you even discussing your health insurance plans with your mother in the first place?  That's the thing with parents - if you discuss something with them or in front of them, they get the idea that they have a say in it, and nothing you do can shake them of that idea.

    Exactly.

    Be an adult, don't demand for someone to come over to see your place, if they want to come over - they'll let you know. I'd just drop it all, give it space. Later down the road, write a letter - explain how you feel. You could always say "I know we've had some problems lately, but I really want to work them out, and I'd like for you to be a part of my special day." If that's something that you want. If you don't - then don't worry about it.

    image
  • image duckie11905:

    This is why living next to your parents, having them as landlords, and basically allowing them into every aspect of your private life is usually not a good idea.

    I would definitely agree with this! this has been my case for years now. 

    image 

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