Family Matters
Dear Community,

Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.

If you have questions about this, please email [email protected]

Thank you.

Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.

The In-Laws

Okay so I am convinced that my mother in law can't stand me, but my husband swears she doesn't.  My brother in law is now married to someone that he has been dating for 10 years so obviously she is more in the family than me.  Any ideas?

Re: The In-Laws

  • don't sweat it. just b/c she's been in the family longer doesn't really mean they don't like you, it'll take time for sure, they'll come around.

  • Well, either you're crazy and imagining that your MIL hates you, or your H is lying. I can't tell which situation is more likely without more details.

    So, why do you think your MIL can't stand you? Why does the fact that your BIL's wife has been around for 10 years bother you?  

  • Does MIL have reason to hate you? What is your evidence for thinking she does?

    I can't judge what your MIL might be thinking without knowing a bit more. 

    Elizabeth 3yrs old Jane 1yr old
  • Well i know for a fact that my MIL didn't like me at all till I came down to visit at the start of the year - she still doesn't like me as my mom likes him, but I can live with it.

    I wouldn't sweat the details you married him and yes his family but he married you because he loves you, if she doesn't like you so what its not as if you are living under her roof (less you are then guess you need to do what we did, just be super sweet to her and she'll either warm to you or just start avoiding you big time). 

  • What do you base your feelings on?
    "Beer is living proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."
    ~Benjamin Franklin

    Lilypie Third Birthday tickers
    DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10

  • Why do you think she doesn't like you?

    And what does the fact that your BIL and SIL have been married for ten years have to do with anything?

    "You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means." Lilypie Fourth Birthday tickers Lilypie Third Birthday tickers
  • Haha, I'm competitive so I would probably try to be the nicest at holidays or whenever you and other SIL are together, doing dishes, helping cook foods, etc.  Visiting the most, if possible.  But in the long run, it doesn't really matter.  Your H likes you best.  :)  That's what matters.
  • Is your MIL more quiet and reserved?  I ask because I had an aunt who swore I didn't like her (actually, she felt nobody in the family liked her, because we are on the reserved side). 

    I was offended when I was told - - I had always been kind and nice to her.  She only feels people like her if they are over-the-top with their enthusiasm (which I would label as "fake" - at least it would be fake if I acted that way).


  • i sympathies with you. Assuming you have an intuitive nature, one which does not lie, ever.  These feelings are yours, and therefore valid. your probably too nice, sensitive, and really want to be accepted and adored~ which you deserve. unless your MIL simply says/does horrific things to you when no one else is looking...sounds more like situation #1  

    so you can't prove she doesn't like you, Do Not Try. You will only drive a wedge of resentment and distance between you and your man. If you  feel he is lying, it's because he doesn't know what to do or he does not believe she could not like you because he loves you! He does not see or feel from the perspective you do.  plus, he says nothing but wonderful things about you, honoring your needs in their presence, i hope.

    She is probably just experiencing feelings of her own. like her son does not need her any more. like your taking her place. just stay strong, rise above and all will take it's course. I'm completely speaking from my own experience, so excuse me if I'm way off course. with all this. good luck.

    All you need is love...
  • This isn't junior high. Quit arguing over whether someone likes you or not. You're a grownup, and you can easily discern whether someone cares for you or not. 

    All you have to do is figure out how to get along with her, surface wise. Limit exposure, find other things to do, decide how much time you can politely be in her presence, and limit her affect on you. 

    Arguing with your dh over whether she 'likes' you is useless.  

  • Don't compete with other women who have married into the family.  Trust me, I married into a family of three boys.  One brother married his high school sweetheart- she's been around forever and naturally fits in with the family a little better because she practically grew up with them.

    Feeling like I was "second best" used to hurt my feelings and drive me crazy until one day I just got over it.  I decided that it is what it is and that it's pointless to compare or to measure myself against others.

    And guess what?  I've been a lot happier since then.  And my relationship with ILs grew a lot more, and is great now.

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • Stop turning this into a competition between you and your SIL. Isn't it just as possible that your DH's family was frustrated with a 10-year-but-not-married relationship? They might not even be sure how to act now that the status has changed.

    Stop putting your husband in the middle of this. You are creating drama where none exists, and that isn't good for your marriage.

    Stop caring about where you stand with your MIL and be nice to her.

  • Early in our relationship I was convinced my now MIL hated me.  When I was at their house she would walk by and under her breath mumble things like "oh shes here again."  I finally started to refuse to go to his house because she made me so uncomfortable.  My hubby confronted her, she felt awful, and then turned into the overly nice person always wanting to chat, hugging me constantly, wanting to be in the same room as us.  I am not sure which was worse :) 

    If you aren't doing something that you can change in order to make her like you I wouldn't worry about it.  Your SIL may be jealous of your situation :)

  • Hey now, hey now!!  Can a I get a "..... who cares? .... "  Whoop.

    Realize that she doesn't have to like you. Gasp! She just has to be polite and mildly welcoming.

    And remember, you're not in their family .... you're in your own, you and DH.

    My darling daughter just turned 4 years old.
Sign In or Register to comment.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards