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Stressed & fighting with DH

I've been in a beastly mood lately and getting into more spats than normal with DH. Most of them are probably my fault though. I'm turning 25 tomorrow and I've been freaking out about it for weeks! I'm sure this is a beebee thought process but I'm looking at my life right now and I'm not where I thought I'd be at 25 so I've been in a huge funk. Is it normal to feel like this with certain birthdays? Please tell me that once tomorrow comes and goes I'll be back to normal and not this snippy little monster!
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Re: Stressed & fighting with DH

  • you're not where you thought you'd be at TWENTY FIVE!!!!

    Oh honey, try that on at 30...

    you really need to lighten up.

    Seriously, people. If your faith in humanity is destroyed because your parents told you there was a Santa Claus and as it turns out there is no Santa Claus, you are an ignorant, hypersensitive cry baby with absolutely zero perspective. - UnderwaterRhymes
  • I know, it's so silly! I honestly don't know what my problem is with this, I'm not normally this high strung.
  • Don't stress about it.  If you feel you haven't accomplished what you hoped you would by age 25 then maybe you just need to reevaluate your life choices.  Instead of panicking use this time to reflect on what goals you can still reach for and which ones may have to be let go.
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • I think its normal to feel this way. Unfortunately,this feeling may not go away...You have to figure out what it is that you want to be doing at this point in your life. Try not to blame your DH for the way you feel..It creates a barrier..
  • This is actually more common than you think. I've heard it called a "quarter-life crisis." Turning 25 is nothing to worry about. You are the same person you were at 24. If your goals have changed, or not been realized yet, you have plenty of time to work on them. Re-evaluating your life can happen at any age. Relax, and happy birthday!
    Anniversary
  • When I turned 25 I had a little crisis.  I think it was worse  since everyone around me was asking me to hurry up and have kids, that supposedly didn't have anytime left.  When you get in a funk like this, try to avoid DH a bit and do something constructive, work out, go for a walk, anything to cool down- it helps.  Try not to think about it too much. 
    image
  • My mini meltdown was at 27.  I wasn't snippy with anyone - but just had to step back and reevaluate where I was and where I was headed.  I had planned to be married and have kids by then - I was single and partying too much.  I understand but... like a PP said.. I think you need to relax. 
  • Yes, it is normal to re-evaluate and realize that your life has turned out differently than you have planned.  It really has nothing to do with age.  Turn this around and be productive.  Specifically what areas of your life are not what you like?  Make a plan on how you will start working to where you want to be.  AND, give your self credit for those areas of your life that you really LOVE and celebrate that on your 25th bithday!  Happy Birthday!
    BabyFruit Ticker
  • I had a few moments before my 25th where I was thinking "What am I doing with myself?"  And I got over it.  I made a plan - readjusted expectations and moved on.  I am loving this age range now (still 25).  I feel like I am finally starting to come into my own. 

     

    Oh and Happy Birthday!

  • Maybe you should sit down and make a list of all the things that weren't EVER in your plan that you wouldn't trade for anything. Meeting my DH wasn't in my plan at 24-25, but I wouldn't trade him for anything. LOL :)

    Sometimes the best things in our lives aren't planned. Loosen up the reigns a little and figure out what needs to be discarded in that playbook, and what is still really important to chart a course towards.

  • Eh I think it's normal to freak out a little. However where did you think you would be at 25?
  • 25 was one of my favorite years -- great things happened for me that year. Same with 30 -- not sure what the deal is with the 5-year marks, but I'll take it!

    I thought I was 36 for the last couple of months and just realized I'm only 35 -- I have a whole year of my life back! Am thinking this year will be a good one, too.

    It's OK to freak out a little bit, reprioritize and set new goals for yourself, but don't stress too much. Every birthday is a blessing -- the alternative is far worse.

    Not sure if this will be helpful, but my sister creates a list of "to do's" every birthday. For her 25th, she created a list of 25 things she wanted to do that year -- and did pretty much every single thing. That might be a fun way to get you out of your funk.

  • I can understand being freaked out.  Maybe focus on the things you accomplished that you never thought you would have, or on the ways your life is different than your visions - only for the better.  Then, you can reevaluate your goals for the next five years or so and make steps to accomplish them.

    I thought I'd freak at turning 25, but I actually freaked at turning 26.  Who know why?

  • imoanimoan member
    10000 Comments Eighth Anniversary
    image Libby33:

    I thought I was 36 for the last couple of months and just realized I'm only 35 -- I have a whole year of my life back! Am thinking this year will be a good one, too.

    Huh?

    image
    Currently Reading: Don Quixote by Miguel De Cervantes
  • 25?

     Wait until 40 and 50, m'dear.

  • 25 is, after all, a fairly random time to draw deadlines for accomplishment. Its only significance is that we have a base ten number system and tend to count in 5s or 10s.

    The most important thing is that being stressed is not a good reason to treat your H poorly. There are 1,001 ordinary reasons to feel stressed out that are entirely NOT your H's fault, and this is one of them. Letting yourself do this can become a very unhealthy pattern.

  • Let me guess:

    graduated college by 22

    married by 23

    House at 24

    babies done by 25?

    Honey, once you reach all those goals at such a young age, then what?  You have a whole life out there.  Simmadown and start taking each day as it comes.

    Seriously, people. If your faith in humanity is destroyed because your parents told you there was a Santa Claus and as it turns out there is no Santa Claus, you are an ignorant, hypersensitive cry baby with absolutely zero perspective. - UnderwaterRhymes
  • image Libby33:

    Not sure if this will be helpful, but my sister creates a list of "to do's" every birthday. For her 25th, she created a list of 25 things she wanted to do that year -- and did pretty much every single thing. That might be a fun way to get you out of your funk.

    This sounds like so much fun and a constructive way to spend a year that is freaking you out a little bit.  I personally do not get freaked out by my age.  I do not feel grown up or too old so what does it matter.

  • image TarponMonoxide:

    25?

     Wait until 40 and 50, m'dear.

     

    Gaah!!! I'm having the meltdown at 30.  I'd like to not go through it again.

     

    So since I'm in the middle of my melt down, I'll agree it sucks not to be where you expected.  Although I'm starting to realize some of my expectations weren't realistic at all.  They seemed good at 18 or 20, but very idealistic and in some ways kind of impossible.

    Problem is I'm a planner and now my plan has been shot.  I also don't like 30, I'd like to go back to 25.  Things were easier then. 

    I do recommend telling your husband "I've been an idiot lately.  It's not your fault.  It's because I've turned 25 and had a melt down.  Sorry." and then go out for a special date. 

    It won't solve turning 25 but hopefully it will help lift the funk a little.  It's not DH's fault you're getting "old" :)

  • Thanks guys! You're all right, I do need to unwind about this. I have 2 big things I thought would be different at 25.The little things, like weight and traveling to a certain place, aren't big deals but these others things are really under my skin.

    I thought I'd be pregnant by now and I still don't feel ready to have a baby so we pushed it back. Someone mentioned they felt the same due to pressure and that's exactly how I'm feeling! My ILs are heavily leaning on me to have a baby and that I'll be too old soon. It make me anxious.

    I also thought my DH would have cut back the work hours by now. He's a complete workaholic and has been so since I meet him 6 years ago. He said that things would slow down and he'd be more present when his company was off the ground. 2 years later and he's putting in just as many hours as before. I know I shouldn't take it out on him, it's a mean and childish thing to do. I am grateful that he's working so hard for our family but I'm frustrated, I miss him, and I guess I'm starting to get a bit nervous that this is how my life is going to be forever!

    I do really like the idea someone suggested about making a To Do list for every birthday!

  • i flipped out when i turned 24! yes 24! i cried that morning as my then b/f, now my DH, made me breakfast..he asked what was wrong and i told him i wasnt where i wanted to be...cuz at 25 i wanted to be married, and kids at 30....then i realized things weren't always going to turn out as i plan them to..obviously...DH asked me to marry him when i was 25 =) im 26 now, DH is 27, and hoping to start a family in a few years...but i understand why you freaked out, i think everyone has a problem when they age...things can only get better right? =)
  • image Mrs.Elsie:

    I thought I'd be pregnant by now and I still don't feel ready to have a baby so we pushed it back. Someone mentioned they felt the same due to pressure and that's exactly how I'm feeling! My ILs are heavily leaning on me to have a baby and that I'll be too old soon. It make me anxious.

    I also thought my DH would have cut back the work hours by now. He's a complete workaholic and has been so since I meet him 6 years ago. He said that things would slow down and he'd be more present when his company was off the ground. 2 years later and he's putting in just as many hours as before. I know I shouldn't take it out on him, it's a mean and childish thing to do. I am grateful that he's working so hard for our family but I'm frustrated, I miss him, and I guess I'm starting to get a bit nervous that this is how my life is going to be forever!

    First, your ILs are being ridiculous. You aren't even close to being too old to have a baby. The worst thing you could do would be to have a baby because other people expect you to. And really, with your DH's hours, you'd basically be a single mom!

    Second, have you had a conversation with your DH about his hours? I think you should absolutely say to him (calmly and nicely) "Honey, before we got married you said you wouldn't work as much when your company got off the ground however you are still working just as many hours as you always have been. I truly do appreciate how hard you work and how well you provide for us, but it's really important to me to have more quality time with you. I really miss you and I feel lonely. I'd really like to figure out a solution to this so that we can spend more time together."

  • image sprky79:

    Let me guess:

    graduated college by 22

    married by 23

    House at 24

    babies done by 25?

    Honey, once you reach all those goals at such a young age, then what?  You have a whole life out there.  Simmadown and start taking each day as it comes.

     

    I'm lol because this was exactly my timeline. You make an excelent point though!

  • image Mrs.Elsie:

    I thought I'd be pregnant by now and I still don't feel ready to have a baby so we pushed it back.   GOOD!  What the world does not need now are more people having babies because "they're supposed to"

    Someone mentioned they felt the same due to pressure and that's exactly how I'm feeling! My ILs are heavily leaning on me to have a baby and that I'll be too old soon. It make me anxious.   Tell your inlaws to cram it or you will start regaling them with intimate details of your sex life

    I also thought my DH would have cut back the work hours by now. He's a complete workaholic and has been so since I meet him 6 years ago. This will not change.  You married him this way, it will not change anytime soon, not for you, not for anyone else.  This is who you married.

    I do really like the idea someone suggested about making a To Do list for every birthday!

    Your life will be what you put the effort into it being.  If you want a family, work on getting the rest of your life in order so that you can.  But do it because YOU are ready and not because "TICK TOCK I'M BEHIND SCHEDULE HERE PEOPLE!"

     

     

    Seriously, people. If your faith in humanity is destroyed because your parents told you there was a Santa Claus and as it turns out there is no Santa Claus, you are an ignorant, hypersensitive cry baby with absolutely zero perspective. - UnderwaterRhymes
  • For the most part, life doesn't "turn out" certain ways. You make it that way; you and your dh have taken deliberate steps, or not taken certain paths, that have led you to where you are now. You want things different? MAKE them that way. Absent fires, floods, catastrophic illness, your choices have brought you to where you are today.

    Which is probably why you're so edgy about it. I hate it when I can make something different and I have not done it; for whatever reason; but it's times like these when you should sit back and look at why it is you made the picks you made so that  you aren't where you planned on being;  and examine whether or not you really actually want at 25 the things you thought you would want at 25,  back when you were 20.

     

    SO SINGS MY SOUL *WHAM!* MY SAVIOR GOD TO THEE *WHAM!* HOW GREAT THOU ART *WHAM!* HOW GREAT THOU ART *WHAM!*
  • Your in-laws are out of their gourds.  Twenty-five is "getting too old" to have children?!  In what universe?  The medical establishment doesn't consider you as being "advanced maternal age" until you're 35.  You have a whole decade until an actual DOCTOR will say that you're getting up there.  And even so, there are plenty of people who don't have children till their late thirties or early forties and have no trouble.

    Don't try to get pregnant just to satisfy external pressures.  You and/or your DH (preferably your DH) need to tell your in-laws to back off on the grandchildren talk yesterday.  It is none of their business.

    ITA that you should talk to your DH about his work hours, especially if you're considering TTC in the next couple of years or so.

    "You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means." Lilypie Fourth Birthday tickers Lilypie Third Birthday tickers
  • And yes, it's a huge mistake to have a baby because someone else is pressing  you to, especially with a dh who works too many hours and won't cut back. Perhaps that's why you feel you're not ready all of a sudden; you know, or fear, you'll be raising the kid by yourself for the most part.

    Examine your motives; do not share any further reproductive or marital information with your inlaws; and take a long look at dh. He is who he is; and when you reproduce with him, you will be tied to him for life. You're unhappy now. Make things different, satisfactory to you, before you have a kid. Ant you have PLENTY of time. Too late my asss. I had kids at 33 and 35; you have years.

    SO SINGS MY SOUL *WHAM!* MY SAVIOR GOD TO THEE *WHAM!* HOW GREAT THOU ART *WHAM!* HOW GREAT THOU ART *WHAM!*
  • image S&J05:
    image sprky79:

    Let me guess:

    graduated college by 22

    married by 23

    House at 24

    babies done by 25?

    Honey, once you reach all those goals at such a young age, then what?  You have a whole life out there.  Simmadown and start taking each day as it comes.

     

    I'm lol because this was exactly my timeline. You make an excelent point though!

    and with any luck I've convinced you that your timeline is ridiculous and you need to get out there and have a LIFE, not a PLAN...

    Seriously, people. If your faith in humanity is destroyed because your parents told you there was a Santa Claus and as it turns out there is no Santa Claus, you are an ignorant, hypersensitive cry baby with absolutely zero perspective. - UnderwaterRhymes
  • image Mrs.Elsie:

    I also thought my DH would have cut back the work hours by now. He's a complete workaholic and has been so since I meet him 6 years ago. He said that things would slow down and he'd be more present when his company was off the ground. 2 years later and he's putting in just as many hours as before. I know I shouldn't take it out on him, it's a mean and childish thing to do. I am grateful that he's working so hard for our family but I'm frustrated, I miss him, and I guess I'm starting to get a bit nervous that this is how my life is going to be forever!

    Well, this is a totally valid concern, but instead of just snapping at him, sit down and have a conversation about it. I think that it would be productive to express to him that you're afraid life will always be that way with him. Maybe since you are thinking about the pressure to have kids, you're worried that he's going to be busy and you're going to have to do all the childrearing. Providing for the family doesn't mean he has to be absent or neglectful - he needs to strike a balance, and if things seems off balance, you have a right to say so. You need to get these fears out into the open, if bottling them up is causing so much tension. 

  • To start out, having yesterday come and go and I still look the same as I did at 24 was a help! :) No, I thought about what so many said on here and realized that I'm getting so caught up with my plan not being on schedule I haven't been enjoying any minute of the journey to get there.

    I can't even describe how much weight came off my shoulders to have a bunch of women, some who have had kids and some who haven't, reassure me that it's not a mistake to wait to have kids and I still have lots to time to get ready! Thank you so much!

    The only thing I don't feel better about are DH's long hours. This is how he's always been and while I love that he is so ambitious and a hard worker I do miss him and the few weeks he has of downtime every couple of months just doesn't seem like enough time with him. This isn't a good enough reason for me to leave him because the good in our marriage very much outweighs the bad. I guess other than talking to him again about this and trying to see the positive there isn't anything I can do about it. Maybe I'll do a different post about his work and get advice on that one.

    Thanks again for all the encouragement, advice and eye openers! It really helped!

     

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