I'm really throwing myself out here, so bear with me.
Please extend some T&P to me tomorrow as we leave on vacation. I have panic disorder w/ mild agoraphobia and it has been unbelievably bad lately. I often have panic attacks on the road and we'll be in the car at minimum 5 hours tomorrow. I've been working through an online cognitive-behavioral therapy program that I found out about through a psychology journal, but I'm only 1 week into it and so far it has just served to make me even more hyperaware. Well actually, the program has you put yourself in situations that will usually elicit an attack so I've been doing a lot of that and I've had a lot more successes than I normally would in those situations. But a couple of times it did result in a full on attack and made me feel like a big failure.
I probably sound like a total freak, but I have been a basketcase the past few days worrying about having an attack and messing up our vacation. I've been really down because I can remember my life before I had this and I want that back, but I know that this will be with me in some form or fashion until I die. It's also disheartening that I'm coming off of a spell (about a year!) where my symptoms were much less apparent. DH is as supportive as he can be, but I often hide my symptoms due to my desperation to feel "normal". And it's hard for others to understand what it feels like to have a serious fear that you're about to die- most people only experience that terror at most a handful of times in their lives. At my worst, I'd experience it a handful of times in a day.