My husband and I have been together 11 years, married for 4. We have never had a fantastic sex life, but it was always decent / okay. Around 3 years ago, our sex life just died. Between June 06 and May 09 we had sex a total of three times. (Yes, you read that correctly.) I wasn't really okay with this, and would bring it up frequently. He would apologize, say he would fix it, go to the dr, etc, but he never did anything about it. I got tired of constantly being rejected by my husband, so I stopped bringing it up. We just didn't have sex anymore and never talked about it.
Things were far from perfect in the rest of our marriage, and all problems were just swept under the rug. Everything kinda exploded in the past month or so, we are seeing a counselor to work with our other issues, and he has taken total responsibility for the majority of the problems in our relationship (including the sex issue, which he attributes to severe performance anxiety and general laziness about maintaining our relationship).
We are trying to work out our problems, but now I find that, due to the constant rejection and lack of any kind of sexual relationship with my husband for the past several years, I no longer have any sexual attraction toward him. I care about him, he is my best friend, and now he is trying to initiate sex with me and I am SO not into it. I am going along with it, but I feel dread when I know it is coming, and I have to think about anything and everything else to get through it. It's like having sex with a total plutonic friend...no sparks or desire or anything.
I guess the major thing I am wondering is...is this feeling something I can get back? Is it possible for me to feel sexual attraction for my husband again after the wall that has been built up over the past few years?
And also...do you feel deep sexual attraction toward your husband, even after years and years of being together?
Any insight will be much appreciated. TIA.