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VIDEO GAMES

My husband plays video games every night, and when I get mad at him and start yelling at him, he tells me that I'm lucky because one of his friends play video games even more than him. When I tell him, "Well, I'm not BOB's wife," he simply tells me I should feel lucky that he's not out at a bar somewhere doing God knows what. He also tells me that he only plays video games at the end of the day after he makes dinner (which I do appreciate) every night, and gets his other "chores" done (which isn't really much! He usually throws clothes in the washer or dryer, but I'm the only one who folds laundry. I also do the dishes most of the time. Sometimes there will be a rare occasion that he does this.). Do I sound unreasonable? I don't think so. He usually starts playing at nine or ten o'clock at night until he goes to be around twelve. I'm usually folding laundry, or doing work that I had to bring home with me. It's not just the unequal amount of chores that bothers me - I don't think it wold bother me as much if we were doing something together, like watching a movie. Does anyone else have any similar problems? Or any suggestions?!
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Re: VIDEO GAMES

  • Most people don't respond well to be yelled at. He's your husband, not your child.

    Have you ever said "DH, would you like to watch a movie tonight/play a board game/insert activity here"? And furthermore, why do you care what he's doing while you are doing work?

    I have a feeling this is MUD though.

  • I've tried pretty much everything. I've tried talking to him nicely about it. I've tried yelling about it. It doesn't really matter what I do...he pretty much plays his game every single night, even on the wknds. It is so frustrating!
  • I wouldn't call this MUD since my husband also plays video games a lot, but I agree with the pp... As long as you are able to do your work, why does it matter if he enjoys playing video games?

    Also, as the pp said, he is not your child and most likely does not like to be treated and yelled at like a child. Calmy tell him one night when you are hanging out with him that you would like him to help with the chores more, or ask him if he would like to watch a movie or play a board game...etc.

     My husband plays video games as a way to de stress; have you considered this is why he may play video games?

     

  • image barbarella:

    I wouldn't call this MUD since my husband also plays video games a lot,  

    I suggested MUD because it seemed like a lot of stereotypical posts all rolled into one on the OP's first post.

     

  • Oh but I will say that your husband is a jerk if he says you are lucky that he is not out screwing other women.
  • I totally understand my husband is playing Halo online as we speak. I know how frustrating it can be. I've asked him to teach me to play so we can do it together( if you can't beat'em, join'em). When he got his first game system it got so bad that I would lose/hide parts of the console. The other night i started giving him a bj and he told me that my head was in the way.

    I have tried talking to him about it when he's not playing. He only says that he really enjoys it. Sorry I can't help you more other than knowing how it feels.

  • When DH and I first started dating, he played video games alot.  Way more than I would have thought. I tried calmly discussing the excessive amount of time spent playing, the fact that he lost track of time when playing and that I felt, at times, that the video games were more important than spending time together.   I tried the yelling, too.  Nothing really seemed to sink in.

    The thing that seemed to make the biggest impact was asking him to do things with me, getting his reply of sure after playing XX amount of time, which rarely panned out (due to the losing track of time thing) so I started leaving and going by myself.  

    After that happening a couple of times and expressing that I was sad that he felt that the games were more important than spending time together, I calmly told him that if the video games were that important, then maybe we shouldn't be together.  That I loved him but wasn't willing to settle with being made to feel like I was less important than those games. He didn't want that so we were able to come to a compromise that worked for us. 

    Now, do I still think he plays too much...yes  (He probably thinks I nest too much, too) .  But he is very good about stopping when we have plans, limiting his playing time when we have things to get done and getting off quickly when I need his help with something.  

    Btw, if I had ever given him a BJ while he was playing and he complained my head was in the way...that would be the last time that he got one of those in a hella long time.   Angry

  • image PiggynKermit:

     The other night i started giving him a bj and he told me that my head was in the way.

    Oh noooo.....  MH loves video games, but if there is any hint of sexytime the controller is on the floor.  That sounds extremely disrespectful on his part and degrading because you were willing to engage in a loving and intimate act and he wasn't willing to give you his full attention.  I'd have the same talk with YH about needing more couple time instead of him killing random strangers. 

    Ditto pp who mentioned video games as a stress reliever, I know that's how they work for MH, but it can become an addiction and when it begins to build a wedge in the relationship that's when people needs to sit down and work on their communication skills.

  • i told him that the next time he wanted a bj to ask masterchief.

  • I'm sorry, but I'm probably going to offend people. Also, ignore the typos, it's so late and I've been up finishing some last minute details for a work related event tomorrow.

    Considering I grew up on video games and actually did game reviews for my college newspaper's features section, I am well acquainted with how much fun they are if you're into them.  It's a pass time that is more interactive than a movie or television and less comprehensive than reading.  It's safer than going out to bars all night, cheaper than a motorcycle, and you can play them in your own home close to your family. I can also tell you that I have never met a guy who snobbed his girlfriend when she asked him about learning about his games if she was legitimately interested. However, I will also admit that many people do take them to far, although it's the same with anything.

    Men and women both are always complaining about something their SO is doing that is taking too much of their time (watching television, talking on the phone, surfing the internet, shopping). I also have to agree it's much better than leaving the house to get plastered with a bunch of guys, at least he is physically with you and you know he is safe (then I have never been into going to bars and neither has my fi, they are just not our cup of tea,so maybe I'm probably biased).

    My Fi and I play video games together all the time, which is actually more frustrating than watching each other play because he gets angry when I beat bosses on his accounts and I get bored of some of his favorite games way too quickly. Still, we are understand each others interest and are just pretty happy sitting in the same room together while one of works or reads or plays with our rabbit while the other plays. 

    If you really want to do the whole "if you can't beat him, join him" thing, go to a gaming store and look for something you might actually  like to play or see played. Or just read about your SO's favorite games online for like 15 or 20 minutes. Some games have storylines that are really complex, detailed, and interesting. The best part is that it's interactive.

    I'm not going to touch the comment by the person who tried distracting her boyfriend with sexual favors.

  • I really have to sympathize with you because my husband also plays a decent amount of video games. We have worked it out that he plays when my "girly" tv shows are on and we go to our separate tv's to "play". However, if you need to have your husband around physically and mentally (which I completely understand!!!) then my best advice is to tell him that you would be willing to spare some free time for him if he ever asked you to-just as you expect him to do the same since you are married. Make sure you let him know that you are ok with him playing video games, but sometimes you would like to spend your time together doing something else. You said that you have already talked to him though, so in that case I'm not too sure what to say. Maybe continue to talk to him (calmly) about how much it means to you that you have his full attention. And what I've had to do-although my H has been pretty understanding- is find something that I really like to do (that doesn't include house work or "important" things, just something YOU WANT to do) that can occupy some of you time. I know that it's hard when you want to get things done around the house and you can't think of anything else than that, but if he sees that YOUR time is being spent doing something other than household chores, he might make the connection.
  • I guess that I should add that I have tried the whole "if you can't beat 'em, join 'em" mentality. What really bothers me is that he's kind of stuck on this one particular video game that I DON'T LIKE. I have actually told him before that if he wants to play Grand Theft Auto, I'll be more than happy toplay it with him. But I tried playing his "favorite game" and it just didn't interest me. At first it didn't bother me so much how much he played the game, but now it's overkill.

     The other thing that really, really bothers me about the video games is that my husband smokes, but is trying to quit. He does really well throughout the day, and never really has any. But when he goes online and plays his interactive game, he smokes more at night. His best friend plays the game online with him, and when they're on and playing together, they have "smoke breaks" where they actually take breaks and smoke a cigarette together, even though their not. I don't think I'd care so much about the whole gaming thing if it weren't for the fact that he smokes the most cigarettes every day when he is playing the game. 

     And as for "sexy time" - that definitely pulls him away from his game, but only for a little time. Usually after we our done with our sexy time, he goes, OK, I'm going to go play my game now, which really bothers me. That's like a huge slap in the face to me, and I have pointed out to him that it hurts my feelings when he tells me right after sexy time that he would rather play his game instead of spend time with me. But I would never give my husband a BJ while he's playing his game - the point is to get him away from his game and spending more time with me.

  • I think his attitude of "at least I'm not out at a bar is immature.

    However, I don't see what is all that horrible.  If he isn't doing enough of the chores, deal w/ that issue.  But 2 hours a night playing games that he ENJOYS just doesn't seem all that bad - as it's AFTER he's made you dinner and you two HAVE spent time together. 

    You don't want to play his game, but you think he should sit and watch a movie w/ you (which he may not have any interest in).  See how that's unfair?  YOu want to spend 2 hours watching a movie, he wants to spend 2 hours playing a video game. 

    I don't know.  For the complaints I've seen many women share here- yours really isn't that bad. He cooks dinner, he does chores, you all DO spend time together.  But it's not enough.  NOw you want to take away his video games too. 

    WHy not focus on what he does that makes you happy instead of focusing on the one thing you don't like?

    "Beer is living proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."
    ~Benjamin Franklin

    Lilypie Third Birthday tickers
    DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10

  • EastCoastBride, I'm not sure if you read my last post, but I have made attempts to try his video game. Also, I have told him that I'd play other games with him, such as Grand Theft Auto, which I don't mind playing, but he only wants to play this one game. I am trying here, but he doesn't seem to want to compromise.

     Also, like I said before, I don't like the fact that the video games are the one time of the day where he smokes the most (see above post). If he doesn't play his game at night with his friends that also smoke, he doesn't have any cigarettes. He usually has at least three or four in the two or three hour span of playing video games, when he usually doesn't have any all day. I think that I have been more than fair with him, and have tried a LOT. I only wish that he would try to compromise as much as I have.

  • image casmgn:
    Oh but I will say that your husband is a jerk if he says you are lucky that he is not out screwing other women.

    This is certainly true.

    However, marriage is not a 24/7 date.  You need your alone time as well, don't you?

  • image egilbride:

    EastCoastBride, I'm not sure if you read my last post, but I have made attempts to try his video game. Also, I have told him that I'd play other games with him, such as Grand Theft Auto, which I don't mind playing, but he only wants to play this one game. I am trying here, but he doesn't seem to want to compromise.

     

    No no, she's not saying to join him, she's saying that it's OK for him to have his "me" time.  Surely you don't want to be with your H every second you guys are in the house together?  Most people go their own way for at least a few hours at night - last night DH was cleaning the basement while I was gardening.  The night before he was relaxing on the couch while I painted a room.  It's no big deal.

    If you can "allow" him to game, then deal with the snoking separately.  If it's the smoking that bothers you so much, then focus on THAT.  You'll never get him to quit both.

  • Thank you OMG!  Exactly- if you all can find a game to play together, that's fine.  BUT- he should also be allowed to play whatever game he wants to play w/o having to include you.  Do you not have any hobbies that don't involve him? 

    You don't like the games he plays.  So what you want to do is watch a movie together.  But what if he doesn't have interest in that movie? He doesn't force you to play a game you don't like, right?  So why are you trying to force him to watch a movie (ANY movie if he just isn't interested) he doesn't want to watch? 

    On the smoking issue- you need to deal w/ THAT issue.  In the end, it's really not about the games.  He may happen to do it at the same time, but the games aren't making him smoke.  You're trying to make a correlation there that just does not exist. 

    Deal w/ the real issues.  The smoking.  Doing more chores if you feel he doesn't do enough. But to lump all this under "he plays too many video games" - you're making it a fight that makes you sound controlling and that I personally think is unfair. 

     

    "Beer is living proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."
    ~Benjamin Franklin

    Lilypie Third Birthday tickers
    DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10

  • image PiggynKermit:

    i told him that the next time he wanted a bj to ask masterchief.

     

    Haha, that's awesome!

    The Mr. plays tons of games on an almost daily basis and it's pretty irritating only because I can only tolerate the sounds of guns, explosions and swearing for so long. However he is really good at stopping if I ask him to do something else like tidying, going for a walk or playing a game like scrabble or something.

     There are some games though that we like playing together like Rock Band and Mortal Kombat and stuff. Maybe you can look at the can't beat 'em, join 'em routine for a little while. I'm not saying become an obsessive gamer to please him but maybe it would be fun every once in a while.

    As for getting him to cut back why don't you ask him if one night a week if you could both do something together. Start small and maybe he'll start to look forward to that instead of being a game zombie.

    Photobucket
  • i think you are being a little unreasonable.  If you want to do something together, why don't you play video games with him?  

    but there are things that everyone does to unwind.  you can't possibly spend every minute doing stuff together or you will get sick of eachother.  Guys like video games.  It is a fact of life.  I think you should be glad that he isn't out partying and considering the economy saving money for that matter. 

  • life is too short to complain about your husband playing video games.  also men do not like to do house work.  but if he helps you with the laundry he does a lot more then others.  i think he is just asking for some boy time.  sometimes they need that
  • image ryli2010:
    also men do not like to do house work.

    What. the. fvckity. fvck.

  • image ryli2010:
     also men do not like to do house work.  but if he helps you with the laundry he does a lot more then others.  
    Ick!

     

  • image ryli2010:
    am i wrong???

    Let me be clear: Yes, you are wrong.

    Women are always wrong.

    See how that works?

  • image ryli2010:
    life is too short to complain about your husband playing video games. ?also men do not like to do house work. ?but if he helps you with the laundry he does a lot more then others. ?i think he is just asking for some boy time. ?sometimes they need that

    Girls don't like math either. ?Geez. ?Really? ?Nobody likes housework, but we do it because we're adults and it needs to be done. ?

  • um math?  i'm a math major.  i love math.  what is wrong with you people? so what? house work has to be done.  but you can't boss your husband around like he is your slave.  why are you all so negative and rude?  i do house work because i love my husband and i clean better then him and i don't feel like arguing about it.  you have to pick your battles.  you live with them forever when you say forever.  you only live once.  stop picking on them and find ways to be happy.  if you have issues talk to your husbands about it and stop getting angry at me and blogging about it.
  • and fussbucket you may want to characterize yourself as always wrong, but don't cast your negativity on all women.... i am not always wrong, and my husband would never make me feel that way.  yours may and maybe that is why you are so angry......
  • Wait, you mean that my sweeping generalization about an entire gender wasn't correct? Well now I'm just confused.

    Look, you can get bent out of shape if you want at my snarky comment (though your utter lack of sarcasm-detector is a bit startling), I don't care. Just know that there are people on this board who find sexism offensive. I am one of them.

    At any rate, I hope you get your situation worked out to your satisfaction.

  • GBCKGBCK member
    Ancient Membership Combo Breaker

    hmmm.  I will say, I laughed out loud when, in myhead, I flashed to a LaChucky Doll scene from the curse of monkey Island video game.

     "Arrr, Math be hard"

    "lets go shoppin'!"

    (and somewhere, 2 people are laughing at the reference.  and everyone else is just ignoring me)

     Yes, you're wrong to say 'men never like housework'.  Hence the sarcastic 'and women don't do math' in response. 

     

    I do have one question to the OP...how much did he game before you got married?  2 hours a night like now?  more?  less?  Because I can't imagine this is a sudden overnight problem.

  • ok i guess i should have known that you were sarcastic cause we are like best friends right??? (can you sense mine)  since i have know you for all of like 2 minutes on here.
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