I am new to posting on the boards, but I really do need help in handling this situation with my father. He and I do not have the greatest relationship, but as I have gotten older, he and I have gotten along better. When I got engaged, he was not overly thrilled. My fiance hates him (with good reasons), along with my mother, stepfather, and future FIL. My father is a know-it-all and very conservative. He has a tendency to not agree with any ideas that anyone else comes up with.
Until recently, my dad has been pretty good with the wedding stuff. He has kept his comments to himself unless he thinks they are really out there. However, now that my fiance and I have started making deposits on locations and venues, he has become a real pain in the azz. We are doing a destination wedding in Florida, and when I told my dad he told me he hates Florida. He then told me if I wanted him to go that I should move the location. He has since given up on the stand and is going. My mother has asked that the parents pay for the accommodations for our guests, to which my future FIL and stepfather are perfectly alright with. When she asked my dad, he got snotty with her and asked why I didn't talk to him about it, that it was the first time he had heard about it, and was wondering why it was costing so much (NOTE: accommodations for 39 people is costing less than $3000 TOTAL or about $1000 per parental group). With it being a destination wedding, I did not invite any extended family members except for one nephew who is my fiance's best man. My dad freaked out that his sisters were going to be upset that they were not going to get to go and my uncles were going to be disappointed (my dad is the youngest of 9). We are having a big reception back home in August after the wedding, but my dad assures me that it will not be enough to contend with his siblings, so I should reconsider inviting them.
When I told him what the date was to the wedding (May 15, 2010), he was concerned that it was going to overlap with my little brother's prom so I should change the date (though I have already booked it with the venue for that date). This has been the biggest issue and I am about to lose it with him. Basically the Saturday before our wedding is my college graduation and the week after the honeymoon is my little brother's high school graduation. I have tried to arrange all of this so that I can get the wedding and honeymoon done at once so I can start a job without taking interruptions as a new employee. My dad is more concerned that it will make my brother miss his prom, so he is trying to guilt trip me. I do feel bad for my brother, but I told him that if he really wants to go to prom and it is at that time, he can go to prom. I will be disappointed that he is not there, but at the same time I will not love him any less if he isn't.
I am just at the end of my rope. How do I handle all of this? I want to scream and yell and tell my dad he is no longer invited, but I can't bring myself to do it (and would regret it). Any advice for anyone who has had similar family quarrels? I don't want to exclude him, but I don't want to be crying on my wedding day because he doesn't show or says something hateful.