Sex & Romance
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condoms and erections

I've been married for a little over a month now and haven't had sex yet. Everytime DH and I try to have sex, he puts the condom on and the erection goes down. I've tryed to stimulate him with the condom on and it doesn't help.  Anyone else experience this or know what to do?

Re: condoms and erections

  • During foreplay, give him a blowjob.  Wrap the reservoir tip with your tongue, then unroll the condom with your lips while you go down the shaft.  You don't have to deepthroat... just go as far as you feel comfortable with, then finish with your fingers.

    As a suggestion, you may also want to look into a different type of BC to sort of get the first time post-marriage over with so there isn't so much pressure on both of you.

  • Is there a reason you have to use condoms as your form of BC? My friend's husband has the same problem- and they never figured out how to fix it, other than to not use condoms.
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  • Every guy I know well enough to discuss this kind of thing with has the same thing happen to him.  Condoms suck.  Can you use a different form of birth control?
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  • Never experienced this.  DH and I have used condoms every time that we've been together, and never once has a condom made him go limp.
  • I'm on Junel, generic for Loestrin. I know that the BCP is effective, but I want to cover all bases because neither one of us wants kids right now.
  • image Mikes Sweetpea:
    Never experienced this.  DH and I have used condoms every time that we've been together, and never once has a condom made him go limp.

    Well that was really helpful Confused

  • I don't get why your using condoms as well if your on the pill. The pill has a better success rate then condoms any day.  I used them for 8 years, had no issues.  My mom was on them 15 years before having me, no issues on her side.  As for your issue, I would try a lot of foreplay beforehand, try 69ing.  relax both of you and stimulate both at the same time.  I personally would not being using both.  Currently, not on BC since hormonal imbalance and we use condoms and we never have this issue, we provide each other with lots of foreplay beforehand.    Hopefully you guys can figure it out, I would try without the condom and go from there.  Honestly I feel your more then covered with BC pills anyway.
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  • You can piggyback birth control methods without using condoms.  While spermicide isn't all that reliable by itself, the difference in effectiveness between pill + spermicide and pill + condoms is negligible.  So why bother with a method that decreases the pleasure and (in your case) prevents you from having sex at all?
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  • There is nothing wrong with doubling up on BC if that makes you more comfortable.  We did it for years.  Some people think it is overkill, and others of us don't.  Do what is right for you.

     

    I agree with Kuus, though, that you don't need condoms just bc you want to double up.  Try a spermicide, or a diaphram if you want.  Or if it doesn't gross you/your H out, try having sex during your period, as you are extremely unliikely (if not impossible) to get pg at that time. 

     

    Probably over time as you both relax, you can reintroduce condoms, but likely after a month of issues with them, you both need a break from them as they probably stress you both out subconciously at least.

  • image ReturnOfKuus:
    So why bother with a method that decreases the pleasure and (in your case) prevents you from having sex at all?

    YES, absolutely! 

  • Try a spermicide, but test it out on both of you first before you subject your genitals to it.  Some people do have allergic reactions.

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  • We have had this problem before, when I had to stop BCP due to a reaction, my Husband said it "psyched him out". He said he knew in his head it wouldn't feel as good as the real thing and he was afraid he would go limp.... then he would get anxious and it was over before it began. Try and get him to relax, have you tried a *** ring? put it on before the condom, during foreplay. Those vibrating trojans are at most drug stores now.

    Hope that helps

  • image sspino:
    I'm on Junel, generic for Loestrin. I know that the BCP is effective, but I want to cover all bases because neither one of us wants kids right now.

    I know a few huys who loose erections when putting on condoms. My bf does when he is getting the condom out if he is not being constantly stimulated. Try putting it on as an act of foreplay, or continue to play with him to keep him up.. ?

    How long have you been on the bcp??? If you've been on them for at least a couple of months (since your body needs time to adjust to them), there really isnt a reason to use them. But if you feel more comfortable using a back up, you can try female condoms, pulling out (but only as a back up), or spermicides.?

    HTH and GL?

  • BCP+condoms while married is too much if he's having these problems (and you know he's not proud of it). But if someone is reading this who is not on BCP and has the same issues... Try putting it on at the start of hooking up. Separate the "lets put this rubber on" from the "ready to stick it in?" moment. Put it on (a *** ring is a decent idea) and then continue with snuggling and foreplay. Have him go down on you. The idea is that you basically get him and his mind to think about something other than intercourse w/a condom. As he thinks about other things (and he and you continue to enjoy pleasure without performance pressure), he may get a rise and since the condom is already on - enjoy!
  • I'm so sorry.  I can imagine how frustrating this is for both of you.

    Would he try masturbating with a condom on?  Maybe it would show him that he CAN maintain an erection and have an orgasm with a condom on.

    Ditto PPs with incorporating putting the condom on during foreplay.

    Play around without condoms or penetration- like oral sex or mutual masturbation.  Might take the pressure off him.  Try not to focus on penetration, you can still have fun without it.

    Good luck.  Try to relax.

  • DH hates condoms. I was on BCP when we got married, but he was so paranoid that I would get pregnant that he wanted to double up, so we used condoms too. It's a lot harder for him to stay hard with condoms, and he hates them. So we stopped using them and he started pulling out instead. Of course, pulling out is completely stupid as your only method of bc, but since I was on the pill, this just made him feel better. I was fine with this and this worked much better than condoms. Lots of guys have trouble with maintaining erections with condoms, so don't get discouraged. I would recommend that you stop using them if it's not working out. It can't be all that great for his self-esteem either. Good luck with this!
  • Did you guys have sex before you got married and if so, did you use condoms and have this problem? If you have never had sex before, are you sure it's the condom that is doing this or could it be the anxiety of having sex for the first time?

    I would try making putting on the condom part of sex/foreplay. If he is completely stopping what he is doing to put the condom on then that could be killing the mood. he should let you do it and you can make it "sexy" (like PP suggested with your tongue).

    I understand doubling up even though it really isn't necessary. We do it for the peace of mind... if it makes sex more relaxing/enjoyable for you then do what you want.

  • KaieneKaiene member
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    image sspino:
    I'm on Junel, generic for Loestrin. I know that the BCP is effective, but I want to cover all bases because neither one of us wants kids right now.

    We used both condoms and the pill for a while for the same reasons, but then decided to stop using condoms since the pill is very effective on it's own (I've been on it for a few years now).  I will say we were nervous that first month, but we haven't had problems.  The sex is way better without the condom!

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  • No advice :( Sorry! But I just wanted to say that you are being very responsible doubling up on BC methods to avoid getting pregnant. I hope you find something that works for both of you and know that many guys go through this!
  • I talked to him about it last night and he is open to suggestions. I'll try the foreplay and the condom and see what happens. As for the BC, I just switched to a new one a few months ago and my body is still adjusting to it, meaning that my periods don't come during the sugar pills. Thanks for all of your advice!
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