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wedding invite, WWYD

when I got married, 3 years ago, I invited my cousin.  He lives far away and I hadn't seen him in years, but I do see his sister and parents regularly and thought it would be a nice opportunity for him to see our grandparents (he hasn't seen anyone in the family in years).  He never even RSVPed, and he's atleast 30 so its not a maturity issue.  Well... I got a save the date for his wedding.  What should I do when I get the invite?  Its far away so there is no way I'm going, I know I have to just say no, but I'm so annoyed he would have the nerve so send us a save the date when he never even RSVPed!
Lilypie Third Birthday tickers Lilypie First Birthday tickers Teterboro 5K 7/16/11 23:22 Tenafly 5K 6/5/11 26:48 1st in age group and stroller division Teterboro 5K 7/17/10 24:42 Lincoln Tunnel 5K 4/25/10 28:18 4 1/2 weeks pp Teterboro Airport 5K 7/18/09 22:35 3rd place age group 4 1/2 weeks pregnant Long Branch 1/2 5/3/09 1:51:07 Lincoln Tunnel 5K 4/26/09 22:22 NJEA 5K 11/7/08 22:30 2nd place age group Westchester 1/2 10/12/08 1:50:16 Teterboro Airport 5K 7/19/08 23:43 Long Branch 1/2 5/4/08 1:54:18 Giant Stadium 5K 4/26/08 error in timing Hackensack 5K 10/14/07 23:55 1st place in age group

Re: wedding invite, WWYD

  • Lots of people don't RSVP. Or they think they RSVPed because they told their cousin to tell your mom that they'd be there. This is not something to focus on 3 years later. Just RSVP in the negative when you get his invite.
  • No kidding.  LOTS of people don't RSVP.  My end date is in about a week and I've received responses from about 50 of 270.  I set aside a whole week before I needed numbers to just call people.

    Boys especially are bad at RSVPing.  He also may have just received a list from his mom (since you said that you and she are close) and she insist you be invited.  I would not be offended by this.

  • mob2006mob2006 member
    What alternatives are you considering besides just saying "no"?  I hope you are not considering digging up a 3-year old issue and giving him grief about it just because he invited you to his wedding!  I also hope you don't consider mimicking his impolite behavior by not responding to the invitation.  "Two wrongs don't make a right".
  • I think he might have been the only one who didn't RSVP, I think that is so rude not to.

    I know, I just have to say no.  This was really more of a vent 

    Lilypie Third Birthday tickers Lilypie First Birthday tickers Teterboro 5K 7/16/11 23:22 Tenafly 5K 6/5/11 26:48 1st in age group and stroller division Teterboro 5K 7/17/10 24:42 Lincoln Tunnel 5K 4/25/10 28:18 4 1/2 weeks pp Teterboro Airport 5K 7/18/09 22:35 3rd place age group 4 1/2 weeks pregnant Long Branch 1/2 5/3/09 1:51:07 Lincoln Tunnel 5K 4/26/09 22:22 NJEA 5K 11/7/08 22:30 2nd place age group Westchester 1/2 10/12/08 1:50:16 Teterboro Airport 5K 7/19/08 23:43 Long Branch 1/2 5/4/08 1:54:18 Giant Stadium 5K 4/26/08 error in timing Hackensack 5K 10/14/07 23:55 1st place in age group
  • Take the high road and promptly RSVP.   It's not his FI's fault he didn't respond to your RSVP years ago.   She's likely going to be the one fretting over not having people respond. 

    Just take comfort that he's going to experience the aggravation of people who don't RSVP, and maybe he'll learn his lesson. 

  • Sue_sueSue_sue member
    5 Love Its
    RSVP when you are invited somewhere .The fact that this man did not RSVP to your wedding is not permission for you to behave badly.
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  • The majority of my side of the family (talking around 90 people) did not RSVP for our wedding and I had to call them the week of to get in the ballpark of an approximate headcount.  Does it mean they don't care about me?  Psssch... it just means they're spacy idiots like myself that probably lost the invitation somewhere in the month before they had to send it back in.  Just RSVP no and don't make a big ordeal out of it.  Plus, I doubt he'd read as much into not receiving an RSVP card from you, and he sure as hell wouldn't carry a grudge about it for 3 years.

  • WendyGRWendyGR member
    Ninth Anniversary 2500 Comments 25 Love Its Combo Breaker

    You are "annoyed he would have the nerve to send us a save the date when he never even RSVPed?"

    Would you rather he NOT invite you? If it makes you feel better, he probably just took the guest list his mom gave him so he doens't even *know* you're invited. Please. You're acting as childish as he did. Or maybe even more childish, since you don't know for a fact that his RSVP didn't get lost in the  mail or he didn't ask his mom to mention to your mom that duh he wouldn't be making it since he lives so far away.

  • Do not get into some kind of a tit-for-tat thing three years down the road.  Rude behavior on his part does not and will not excuse a rude and petty response from you.

    (And really, holding a grudge THIS LONG over somebody not RSVPing?  Why didn't you just call him at the time, or have your mom call him, and ASK if he was coming?  That's why most people set their RSVP deadlines for a week or two in advance of the event; they use the lag time to call those who haven't sent in a response.  Yes, it's more polite to send the card, and yes, you shouldn't have to call, but it's just the reality of life that people get busy and don't always remember to do those things.)

    "You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means." Lilypie Fourth Birthday tickers Lilypie Third Birthday tickers
  • When people fail to RSVP, technically that's a reply in the negative as to their attendance.  If you still haven't gotten over it, I guess he'd be better off if you don't bring your 'tude to his nuptials.
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  • Really? ?This has been bugging you for 3 years. ?Get over it. You're going to give yourself an ulcer if this sort of crap bothers you for 3 years. ?Save the resentment for things that really matter. ?Like PP said lots of people don't RSVP. ?
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  • I would just RSVP saying no, no need to "pay" him back even though it's tempting.
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  • image genevieveandsteve:
    Or they think they RSVPed because they told their cousin to tell your mom that they'd be there.

    This. I had so many family members that told someone or other they would be there or not.  I really am pretty surprised he was the only one who didn't RSVP, that's probably the most common complaint I ever heard on Knot boards.

    It's also really cute that you think a 30-year-old MALE does not have maturity issues Wink j/k

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  • SueBearSueBear member
    Ancient Membership 2500 Comments Combo Breaker

    Show your cousing the BETTER WAY!

    Yes, its rude to not RSVP.   Especially for a wedding.  Incredibly rude.  However, you know it's rude - so are you willing to be "that rude cousin" just because he didn't RSVP 3 years ago?  Yes, you are right to be annoyed, but you are better than this!

  • Don't sink to his level.  RSVP "no" and move on with your life.
  • I find it odd too that you're this bothered by it 3 years later.  Yes, it's rude not to RSVP, but to hold on to it for this long....  uh, it's JUST an RSVP.

    And I dont' see what his failing to RSVP has to do w/ him sending an STD and/or invite to his wedding.  Two entirely unrelated issues.

     

    "Beer is living proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."
    ~Benjamin Franklin

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  • Just because your cousin is inconsiderate doesn't mean that you have to be inconsiderate.  Send an RSVP.  Saying "Well he didn't RSVP for my wedding, why should I RSVP for his" is just going to make you bratty and immature. 

  • image lotsofbustles:
    Really?  This has been bugging you for 3 years.  Get over it. You're going to give yourself an ulcer if this sort of crap bothers you for 3 years.  Save the resentment for things that really matter.  Like PP said lots of people don't RSVP.

    THIS

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  • imoanimoan member
    10000 Comments Eighth Anniversary
    I'll have been married for 4 years in October, and I can't remember who RSVP'd and who didn't (and newsflash: it's normal for people not to RSVP.  People are busy adults who have things to do and they're human so things skip their minds.  I'm a wedding planner and I occassionally forget to RSVP to weddings).  If 3 years later his not RSVP-ing is this forefront in your mind... you need an effin' hobby or something.
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  • image imoan:
    I'll have been married for 4 years in October, and I can't remember who RSVP'd and who didn't.  If 3 years later his not RSVP-ing is this forefront in your mind... you need an effin' hobby or something.

    This.

  • image Sue_sue:
    RSVP when you are invited somewhere .The fact that this man did not RSVP to your wedding is not permission for you to behave badly.

    This 100%.

  • Talk about passive aggressive.

    I think you're the immature one here for even considering not RSVPing.
  • I would still RSVP, Show him that its nice to do so....
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  • Yes he sucks because he didn't RSVP.  But it was years ago and while annoying, wasn't the worst thing ever.  Just send it back when you get it with the little no box checked.

    Plus, it may be your aunt who has to deal with family members who didn't RSVP or your cousin's FI who could be a very nice girl.  Why possibly stress them out?

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