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Mean Mommy...on the fence

Last night my son was being especially difficult.  I am talking Full on stage 5 DINO RIOT. 

He flipped his lid in the grocery store which we promptly left and went straight home to time out.

He repeatedly yelled NO at me, when I told him what he needed to be doing, bath, NO!, PJ's NO!, stop being a monster NO! 

He got entirely too worked up when I said he could not have THREE ORANGES right now.  and started throwing them all over the kitchen.  Which was awesome. 

More time out.

He came out and was attempting to start playing with his trucks.  I said he was not allowed to play until we talked about why he wa in time out, (for throwing things) he rage cased and started throwing his toys, I told him calmly three times to stop.

He looked at me and continued throwing.  At which point I picked up one of the toys he threw and said:

"Mommy likes to throw things too... see!" And threw it straight into the garbage and promptly took the garbage out to the garage.

Hysterics.

He calmed down, we talked, he said he was sorry.  He wanted his toy back and I said no, but that he could avoid losing anymore toys by litening and not throwing them .

Devastation.

I stood firm.

He went to bed without further incident.  After he was asleep I went in and curled up to him and cried myself to sleep.

I feel bad.  I did not handle it well.  And somedays I have such a hard time being alone in all this.

boo.

Re: Mean Mommy...on the fence

  • I think you did the right thing. And I think it is normal that you feel terrible about it now.  But I think you still did the right thing.

    I am so sorry you are dealing with this on your own. But it will only make you a better, stronger person.  My mother left her first husband when my brother was young and she had a rough go of it for many years.  But today she has a wonderful life (she married my dad 34 years ago, had 2 more children, and had a great career).  Good things will happen for you too.

  • Dude. I admire you.

    I wouldn't say that you "didn't handle it well." I think you followed through with what you said you would do, and Brighton now understands.

    It's a power struggle, and I don't envy your position right now.

    Doing it alone makes it harder, bc you don't have the support, to reinforce to you that you're doing the right thing and to reinforce to Brighton that his dino riot will not be tolerated.

    You're not a mean mommy. You love your child. You love him so much, that you're teaching him that his behaviour is not ok, and showing him how to move in the right direction. That makes you Awesome Mommy.

    *hugs*

  • I totally sympathasize with you right now. Skyla is a grade A jerk when she wants to be-usaully in a public setting. She will kick me, punch me, scream has high pitched as she can and then cry. It's a fun time! We don't always leave because I have things that need to be done, but if it's somewhere fun, like the pet store, then yea we leave.

    I can only handle so much of these tantrums before I have to lock myself in the bathroom, count to 10, take very deep breathes and then address her calmly. The other day I full on spanked her and I felt HORRIBLE. She has her own little table that she eats at and while she was helping me clean, she moved her table. London decided she wanted something off the table and Skyla told her "no" and proceeded to full on shove the table into London. This table is at her throat/shoulder height. I was so mad at her/protecting London mode that the spank happened. Skyla was soo mad-"My gonna tell daddy you panked me" and then tried to look for a red hand mark to show him. Nice kid hey? She totally plays sides-something you don't have to worry about!

    She's also starting to get this whole apologizing thing but for her own benefit. Say she's bugging her brother and she needs to apologize, but won't. I will tell her, "okay, since you can't listen when mommy asks you to stop doing X we are not going to the park this afternoon" She goes, "My sorry Pierce" and gives him a hug and a kiss. Then says, "Okay, my say sorry, we go the park still?" I used to say "Yes, thank you for apologizing" But now I say "No. You did not listen, you did X, Y and Z. I am happy you apologized to your brother, that is kind. So were the hugs and kisses. But we are still not going to the park". It is sooo hard with such a high strung kid. Her personality turns on a dime and it's tiring combatting her most of the time. When she's being "normal" and nice and playing with her siblings it's so refreshing and like "why can't you do this all the time?". I keep looking into strategies to not let her get so pent up with frustration and dealing with those specific feelings in a less distruptive manner.

    And throwing toys in the garbage is something I have done too. This is the ultimate ultimate punishment. Good for standing firm, it totally sucks but you gotta do it to prove you mean your words-Daniel is a caver and it only pushes her sides playing.

    ((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))?

  • I don't see anything wrong with what you did.....I can't imagine how you are feeling...but take comfort that you are trying to make a better life for you and your son.
  • You're definitely not mean... you're doing the absolute right thing (leaving the groc store, throwing out his toy and not backing down, talking about it, etc). good work... its hard, but you're doing great!

    I think that one thing we're doing to curb this (if there's anyway)... is to teach N to stop and take a breath. He knows to relax when he starts freaking out. so far it has worked. He breathes and uses his arms too... so its kinda a game. We'll see how long this technique works until we have to move on to others.

    *hugs*

  • I think you handled it the best you could! I don't disagree with spanking but at that point with him again testing you with throwing the toys - I might have caved - I don't take tantrums well - I would have said "If you throw one more toy....."- good for you for resorting to the garbage can!

    I only hope that this gets easier soon!

    <<<<HUGS>>>>

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  • I don't see anything wrong with how you handled the situation.  Granted, I have no parenting experience, but that's the same way we handled situations when I worked at a group home when the kids were freaking out.  You can't play with your toys properly, then you lose them.

    I'm sorry you're doing it all by yourself, though.  It's gotta be difficult. *hugs* We are here for you whenever you need us.

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  • Oh you guys!

    Thank you! I Honestly feel better.

    Alycia-Thank you for the Skyla stories, nice to know that it would appear is being a your basic three year old.  I worry, considering his father, that it is something more serious, or sinister sometimes. 

    I sometimes think that every other mother has it right, and is perfect at dealing with things when I am a total Spin Thrift. So reasuring, that I am not the only one who sometime just does not know what to do.  Sometimes I feel a little out of control.

     I also saw some book penned by "Super Nanny" while walking in the mall at lunch today I decided she looked awfully smug, and gave her book the finger.  That also improved my mood.  Because I am basically a child.

     

  • image mcsheetobe:

    I also saw some book penned by "Super Nanny" while walking in the mall at lunch today I decided she looked awfully smug, and gave her book the finger.  That also improved my mood.  Because I am basically a child.

    Love this!

  • You shoulda gave her a double finger-one for me! I though we escaped past the "terrible" twos, although I refer to it as the "teach me boundaries" twos. But nobody forewarned me about the tyrannical threes-seriously! She is so bossy, like she's earned it. It could be an oldest child thing too...her and other oldest child girls are a wreck together. They fight and make up more than they play and when the girls leave it's all hugs and I Love You's and I'll miss you....

    And I do see why you would worry more than I. These things sound normal. Things that wouldn't sound normal are morbid actions/words to animals,toys and people.?

    I have to remind Skyla how her actions affect me. I have to tell her I don't like being screamed at etc. I tell her, do you like it when mommy yells at you? Does mommy kick you? No, because these actions hurt. And she does "get" it, I see the lightbulb go off. And she does calm down and say "My sorry mama. My no mean to hurt you. My be a nice girl now".?

    I'm here for ya if you need to chat/vent/cry/whatevs...contact me :)?

  • I think you handled it perfectly!  Good for you for throwing out the toy.  I know I would have probably caved and went back out and got the toy after he went to bed... lol.

     

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  • I think you did everything right.  Follow through is sooo important.
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  • I think you did a great job of handling it....you stayed firm and stood your ground, tried to talk it out, etc.  I can see how it would be very upsetting though.  Give him a little extra TLC today for it...... :)
  • Mean mommies throw the babies in the trash! Firm ones throw the toys. 

     Sorry, it's terrible, but that's the first thing I thought of. I don't think you're a bad mom. I was a terrible child to my mother until she took every single last one of my books and threw them in the trash. I was maybe 7 at the time. 

    Sometimes that's what it takes. She's not a terrible mom, and she was doing it all on her own at that time too. I hope all of our good thoughts and virtual hugs make you feel at least a little bit better <3

     

  • Try not to feel too bad.  We have just started experiencing the same thing around our house over the last 3 weeks. Monday was so bad that I ended up having to go to work still crying, b/c I felt like such a failure as a parent.   I think that it must be a terrible three's thing b/c we never had problems when DS was 2 yrs old.  I'v ebeen discussing these type of melt downs with friends who have kids of the same age and it seems like everyone can relate.  The good news is that it is most likely just an independence/control stage and they will eventually grow out of it around 4 or 5. 

    Hang in there!

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