Hello ladies, I know I seldom post on here..but I have to get this out.This is LONG, so I'll understand if you don't read it. It just makes me feel a little better to actually type and get it out.
The past four months have been the worst four months of my life. My dad was admitted into the hospital in January for dramatic weight loss, thought to be caused by the salmonella (peanut butter) issue. There were not beds available anywhere but on the stroke floor...and lo and behold, the day he was to be discharged, he was walking to the thermostat in his hospital room and had a stroke and fell. After that, it seemed as though we were on a rollercoaster. He was never completely aware again. DH, my brother and I drove down (he was in Little Rock, AR). He was out of his head, with his sodium levels being at 180-190 (a normal adult's sodium level is 135-145). He was also having trouble breathing, so the day before we all left to go back home, dad was moved to ICU and put on a vent.
I went back home, and back to work...I had just been moved to a new position, and the person who was to train me isn't exactly trainer material. My first day was kind of just watching her and listen to her babble about how she can't stand certain people and whatnot. I am a creature of habit. I have my routine and if it's thrown off, I am on edge and verge of panic attacks. I dealt with this drama for a week (her being angry after ccoming back to find I did nothing but that shouldn't have been surprising as she hadn't TAUGHT me anything), and asked my manager to be moved back to my old position and old hours because of conflicts in personalities and just being stressed about my dad. My mgr assured me that he would take care of this problem.
Fast forward to Easter weekend... The crap with my co-worker has NOT ended, it's just dampered because we're now in seperate rooms, which is subject to change. I am looking forward to spending Easter with DH and DS...I leave work and go home, and my brother calls me out of nowhere, asking me what my decision would be if we were given the option to take Dad off life-support. Supposedly, he was just asking because it had crossed him mind..but later I got a phone call from my step-mom, who said that she was told to start considering this. I spent the entire Easter weekend crying. DH, DS and I went to Easter church service, which kind of made me feel better. The jerking aspect came on Monday when my step-mom called and assured me that after talking to dad's family doctor, that they felt that they could still get him to rehab.
Now, DH is a manic-depressive. We have been battling this since we started dating, and I was such a sucker for him, I let him be. So, one of my issues is that he needs to be on meds or something. He told me he would, had yet to do it yet. So, on TUesday, I get home from work and as soon as I walk in, DH lies down. He sleeps til 9PM. I go to bed, because I have to work again the next morning..well...I get to work, and he texts me telling me he found my missing debit card. I asked him if he was feeling better...and I got the response of "I think we need to start considering a separation or divorce"...WHAT?! I am at work, under a mountain of stress, and I get that?! I was so shocked. I couldn't breathe, couldn't speak...I don't remember how, but I made it to my supervisor's office where I passed out. I was sent home, and after calming down and feeling completely numb, I went to church that night. DH and DS were at the in laws. They didn't come home that night. I went in late the next day because I didn't sleep and needed at least an hours worth. I went in, and went straight to my supervisor's office and told him I needed an LOA. I was at my limit and I couldn't do it anymore, I needed to take care of my family issues. They granted me five days off. DH came home that night, and we finally got to discuss the issues at hand. He had a "mental crash", and was so overwhelmed with everything he snapped. I told him that this was the last time. I needed him more then ever right now I am under so much stress...so he agreed to marital counseling and to finally go see a psychiatrist and now has an appt with a psych. Little did I know, that on that Wednesday, my dad's doctors had finally made the decision that he was not going to get any better. He would be on a vent for the rest of his life, etc.
DH and I worked everything out, and two days before I am to go back to work, I am laying in bed when DH wakes me up. He needs to talk to me. I am thinking that he changed his mind, especially when he brings me a stack of Kleenex. He finally tells me that he and my mom have been texting back and forth and that the decision had been made to remove the vent from my dad. I am in such shock. They told me that there was hope for him just a few mere days back. We pack up, take DS to my grandma's home and leave for AR.
Dad's vent was removed at 12PM on the 21st...and he passed away at 1:00AM on the 22nd. My stepmom, my uncle, DH and I were at his side when he left this earth. I am numb..I am still not believing it. I spoke at his memorial service, but it wasn't real. DH and I left Saturday, and in attempt to get my mind off of it, we went to Missouri to do some off-roading. It worked, but I still have a mushy brain.
So, I go to start my car today because I have to go meet with my mgr tomorrow, and my car had been broken into while we were gone. I Locked my car, but they jimmied (sp?) it. Tore my car up, made a huge mess, took my headset (for work, which will cost me $175)....so, I call my mgr and let them know what';s going on. I don't know what they'll do. All I know is that I really want to go back to Arkansas and be with my family down there. We are very blessed as we don't consider our family to be a "step" family...so although we're not technically family anymore, they are still my "Momma" and my brother..
Sorry it was so long...but I feel a little better. Thanks for "listening" if you got down this far.