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Re: hmmm

  • For real? He went for a smoke at 11 and you didn't see him again until 4?

    Um, your bf has a drug problem, or he's cheating, likely both.

  • cigarette...he went to smoke a cigarette.
  • What do I think? ?I think that any man who tries to sneak back into my bed at 4 am has some serious 'splainin' to do. ?I also think that any man who expressly went against my wishes by looking at porn on my computer (he can use his own if he has that urge. ?But keep it off mine), then lied to me straight-faced about it would be out on his azz in five seconds flat. ?Any man I couldn't trust would have no business getting anywhere near me, much less my bed.

    You can't trust him because he's broken that trust. ?Why, exactly, are you with him?

  • I think any time you seriously consider smelling your man's diick to test his fidelity, it's time to find a new one.


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  • image hindsight's_a_biotch:
    I think any time you seriously consider smelling your man's diick to test his fidelity, it's time to find a new one.

    Ditto. What else could I say about this...

  • image JulieLovesJerry:
    cigarette...he went to smoke a cigarette.

    She knows what you said...he went to smoke a cigarette...

     Shes telling you he has a drug problem.  I tend to agree.  I've been a cop for almost 20 years and this behavior is very typical of drug use.

    Maybe your lucky and he's just cheating.  In either case, he;s up to something...nothing good happens after midnight.

  • Interesting, yes he has def. put a doubt in my head and that sucks bc honestly I don't think he has cheated but I don't want to not think that either and be completely blind.  I have a child with this man, it's not like we're just alone in this matter...ya know.  I don't want to end 5 years of a relationship when I have no proof of the matter...like I said he doesn't get phone calls from random people, he doesn't get texts from random people so...it's hard to automatically jump to that conclusion.  He knows he's in a heap of ***.  He even said that if it was me that came home so late he'd be furious...so...I just dunno...his clothes were soaked but then again you can get your clothes soaked from being in the rain for like 10 mins...I just dunno.  I don't know who he would even know to be banging out.  I'm so confused.
  • image ibis:

    image hindsight's_a_biotch:
    I think any time you seriously consider smelling your man's diick to test his fidelity, it's time to find a new one.

    Ditto. What else could I say about this...

    Yep, enough said.
  • haha I'd rather have the drug issue than cheating, for sure.

  • Text messages and phone numbers are easily deleted off of a phone. There's really no way to know for sure who he's communicating with when you're not around.

     

    "Keep on dreaming even if it breaks your heart."
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  • image JulieLovesJerry:

    haha I'd rather have the drug issue than cheating, for sure.

    I'd like to think that EITHER of these would be one-way tickets out of the relationship for him.

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  • image JulieLovesJerry:

    haha I'd rather have the drug issue than cheating, for sure.

    You don't have very high standards, do you?

    fiizzlee = vag ** fiizzle = peen ** Babies shouldn't be born wit thangs ** **They're called first luddz fo' a reason -- mo' is supposed ta come after. Yo Ass don't git a medal fo' marryin yo' prom date. Unless yo ass is imoan. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Then yo ass git a all-expenses paid cruise ta tha Mediterranean n' yo ass git ta hook up Jared Padalecki on tha flight over while bustin yo' jammies. But still no medal.
  • Yeah I get that phone calls can be deleted, as well as texts. 

     

     One way ticket out for a drug issue?  No, that is something that needs support.  One way ticket out for cheating, no doubt about it.  Of course I wouldn't want him to have a drug issue, but I'd rather that BE the issue.  Understand?

  • If he were hiding information, that's one thing (that might sound weird to all of you, but if you're married to a Japanese national, it's not abnormal at all), but once it's presented and he lies about it? That breaks the trust, and it's hard to regain that. Next time he goes out for a smoke for an extended period of time, FOLLOW HIM. Then, you'll know for sure.

     However, if you feel the need to do this, obviously you have some trust issues... and without trust, you can't have a healthy relationship. So get this out into the open with him in the form of a calm but serious conversation or do some espionage and find out for yourself. But you can't have this hanging in the air. 

  • image zitiqueen:
    image JulieLovesJerry:

    haha I'd rather have the drug issue than cheating, for sure.

    You don't have very high standards, do you?

    You'd rather yours cheat?  If he had a drug issue that would be something that could be worked on, right?  With help and couseling?  Cheating is something completely different.  That's all I'm saying, if those were my options, I'd take the drugs. 

  • Gee, that's an awfully long smoke.

    Something's fishy here. And he's handing you an excuse for what he's been up to.

     My advice: Move on. If you have to ask "is that BS or what" then my guess is it probably is BS.

    Move on for the fact he lied to you about wherever or whatever it was he was doing. (and if you're out until 4 am, you're usually out doin' nothing but getting funky)

  • Um yea...cuz drugs can only kill you, put your family in harms way, drain our bank account...and possibly get your daughter taken away from you...oh but that wouldnt happen because love conquers all.

    Seriously?

    No, I'd rather the rat bastard cheated so I could just kick him out and not deal with all the crap that goes along with a drug problem.

     

  • Yeah he lied about porn bc I freak out.  I get super pissed with that stuff.  But he always admits it, he lied at first and then told the truth, I think he was scared and embarrased when he lied before.  Haven't had an issue since then so...that's a good thing...can you honestly say your guy has never lied about porn or something? 

     

    Maybe another thing I'm wondering then is, what would you do in this situation, don't just say LEAVE or whatever because that's not really practical with a child and no other abuse or issues what so ever.  This is the only issue in our lives right now, we get along so well...some normal fights here and there but nothing major.  We weren't fighting before he left so...in this situation, your guy went out for a walk, didn't have his cell to keep up with the time, and gets home super late...what do you think?

  • I know that you've been with him for five years, and that you have a child with him. ?However, he is a BF, and not a very good one from the sounds of it. ??

    Let's break this down to the basics, shall we?

    He's broken your trust. ?Yes, the computer/porn thing counts. This tells me that he has little to no respect for your property. ?It's not a far leap for no respect for your stuff to no respect for you.

    He stayed out til 4 am with no viable explanation. ?A man who is in a committed relationship with a child has no business pulling that kind of sh*t.

    You don't trust him. ?At all. ?You needed to smell test?the man to assure yourself of his fidelity? ?You need to put an X in front of his status of BF. ?Like, yesterday.

    He may have a drug issue. ?Woman, this is not something you need to expose your young daughter to. ?You have a child with this man, but no vows. ?When I was 17, I had a BF with a drinking issue. ?One night of drunk driving, and he was out. ?Simple as that. ?

    A man with a drug issue is?a danger to your child. ?Period. The end. ?No way around it. ?Drug problems indicate a lack of control, so why the hell would you leave him alone with your daughter?

    Honestly, it sounds like your self esteem is in the crapper, and you're trying to justify staying with him. ?"I'll put up with this bright, glowing, red tent, but not that one." Please reconsider for your sake and that of your daughter.

    This crap isn't a red flag. ?It's a red circus tent surrounded by red banners with red fireworks going off around it. ?Heed it.?

    ?

  • image Nobodyreallycares:

    Um yea...cuz drugs can only kill you, put your family in harms way, drain our bank account...and possibly get your daughter taken away from you...oh but that wouldnt happen because love conquers all.

    Seriously?

    No, I'd rather the rat bastard cheated so I could just kick him out and not deal with all the crap that goes along with a drug problem.

     

    Well, there is no drug issue, so that's why I can say that I'd rather have that.  Ya know? 

  • No normal person is gone that long on a "walk" in the rain...Something is definitely up. GL finding out what it is...
  • Just because you have a child together and have been together for 5 yrs doesn't mean you have to stay together.  Kids aren't stupid and know when something is going on.

    I rather leave someone who is an ass because they cheated than to feel obligated to stay with someone who is addicted to drugs because they need help and support.

    Get tested for STDs.

     

  • Not really practical?

    So what you are saying is "because we have a kid it's better I stay with him because a child needs both his parents together under one roof."

    So you're willing to accept the fact he lied to you but he's got to stay with you because of the child.

    Nope.

    Move on -- he lied to you and broke your trust. See an attorney about child support and visitation rights.

    There doesn't have to be abuse, or drugs or drinking  -- he's proven he's not dependable and he's lied to you.

    As an aside, in another thread you say you're getting pressure about bringing another child into the scenario? Nuh uh. If you're even remotely thinking of TTC, forget it. This relationship you're in isn't a stable one.

  • There's no proof though, that's all I'm saying.  I don't honestly feel that gut thing that says "oh he's cheating" ya know what I mean.
  • It seems from your responses is that you've already made up your mind that you are going to stay with him, but that's just the vibe I'm getting.

    However, I will tell you what I would do if I were in your exact situation:

    Confront him about it. Tell him that if he comes clean, you won't leave him (even if that's a flat-out lie). If he did, just leave him. Why? Because if he cheats on you once, he will do it again. Better him cheat on somebody else other than the mother of his child. Drop him like a rock and leave.

    If there are two things you should NEVER take from a man, it's cheating and abuse. You don't want to raise your daughter around a man who does either. It sets a poor example of what a real woman is, and you want your daughter to grow up big and strong, right?

  • image JulieLovesJerry:
    There's no proof though, that's all I'm saying.  I don't honestly feel that gut thing that says "oh he's cheating" ya know what I mean.

    And you do not have solid proof regarding where he was for several hours.

    He's lied to you about where he's been: that is the bottom line. That's what the issue is here.

  • If there are two things you should NEVER take from a man, it's cheating and abuse. You don't want to raise your daughter around a man who does either. It sets a poor example of what a real woman is, and you want your daughter to grow up big and strong, right?

    Three things, actually: cheating, abuse and lying.

  • image TarponMonoxide:

    image JulieLovesJerry:
    There's no proof though, that's all I'm saying.  I don't honestly feel that gut thing that says "oh he's cheating" ya know what I mean.

    And you do not have solid proof regarding where he was for several hours.

    He's lied to you about where he's been: that is the bottom line. That's what the issue is here.

  • It's not known if he lied about where he was .
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