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Your children: Will you tell them about you misdeeds or lie through your teeth?

My girlfriend who is ttc and I discussed this yesterday.  We both had tell all mothers.  My mom scared the ***** out of me with her exploits and I was a pretty good kid.  My friend's mom tried to be a buddy came off as bragging about her drug and alcohol use, not so helpful.  On the other side, another friend says she will lie, lie, lie about her past so as not to give her kids any excuse to try anything.

My personal feeling is that there is a time, place and age to give your children information about any past misdeeds or experimentation.  I think it can be used as a good learning tool for your children, allowing them to learn from your mistakes or lack of.  I think by giving a little of yourself, your child will be more willing to have an honest and open discussion.  I do not believe that you should give them all the juicy details and the level of disclosures should correlate with the age.  But I think that if kids ask, they deserve some answer.

What's your opinion?

[IMG]http://i52.tinypic.com/29mmyd3.jpg[/IMG]

Re: Your children: Will you tell them about you misdeeds or lie through your teeth?

  • I think when they are young, you teach them right vs. wrong and there are consequences to their actions.  When they are older and able to understand, I will open up more as the situation warrants.  I think once they are in high school, I will be reasonably honest and open about my past alcohol or drug experimentation. 

    This way, they will know that my advice come from a place of knowledge, not from a place of ignorance and "parents who just don't understand".  They have to know I was young and crazy at one point too!

  • lying to your children doesn't foster trust.
    image"I've always followed my father's advice: he told me, first to always keep my word and, second, to never insult anybody unintentionally. If I insult you, you can be goddamn sure I intend to. And, third, he told me not to go around looking for trouble." -John Wayne
  • image PurposelyVague:
    lying to your children doesn't foster trust.

    exactly.

  • i agree with all PPs. ?Granted, it's easy to say this now, not having kids yet, but I've always thought that being open and honest with with your kids would be far better than lying to them. ?How can you expect them to be honest with you if you aren't honest with them? ?Plus, I really like Sayulita's point about them understanding that you know what they're going through and not just some old person who doesn't "get it".
  • image Octoberlove:

    My personal feeling is that there is a time, place and age to give your children information about any past misdeeds or experimentation.  I think it can be used as a good learning tool for your children, allowing them to learn from your mistakes or lack of.  I think by giving a little of yourself, your child will be more willing to have an honest and open discussion.  I do not believe that you should give them all the juicy details and the level of disclosures should correlate with the age.  But I think that if kids ask, they deserve some answer.

    I agree with this and I like Sayulita's point, too.  My mom made herself look holier-than-thou, so anything I did (even tame in most comparisons) made me look like the bad child, the evil seed, etc.  It was only as an adult, that I found out my mom had tried pot and not always gotten straight A's in school.  My sister now teases me that I'm more of a goody-goody than our mother! :-)  I may not have tried drugs, but I've done my fair share of stuff my mother doesn't know... but that I may need to fess up to my kids someday.  It's not something I think about, but I assume there will come the right time and place.

    image
    Photo by J Shelton Photography

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    Married 10/5/08 | 2 yrs of TTC, tests, procedures & a m/c | IVF #2 =James!
  • I have already started to tell them things like smoking is stinky and makes you smell. My kids know how babies are born (but not how they are made). I will use the scare the hell out of you tactic because quite frankly between DH and me if my kids come up with something new it will be a miracle. I will be honest the reasons why I say what I say. It is part of who I am. All the gory detail, hell, I don't even admit them to myself half the time.?
    Tracey Mom to Logan and Liam
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  • My mom was fairly honest...maybe not every detail, but the general gist. I feel like she tried to tell us the appropriate thing at the right time...but I kind of wished she'd waited until we were a little older and used more scare tactics to get through my thick teen skull. I remember comparing myself to where my mom was at my age in life...and what she'd done. Which can be good and bad.
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  • We will be honest if the topic comes up, but we won't just offer up information. DH was a saint as a child so it will mostly be my stories. Tongue Tied
    image
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