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Lost my sex drive.. help? (Kind of long, sorry!)

Hey all,

 Okay, I don't know how to start this but I need help. My boyfriend (yes boyfriend.. not engaged yet but i have confirmation it's coming) and I have been together for years and at the beginning we had an amazing sex life. Over the past two years though I've gone through some awful things (lost custody of my son, stressful job with conflicting hours and then most recently my place of employment filed for bankruptcy and abruptly fired everyone) and have completely lost my sex drive.

I still love my boyfriend more than the world and I find him incredibly attractive, but when it comes to having sex I just cannot get in the mood. This is starting to affect our relationship and no matter how many times I tell him that It's not him, I can see him beginning to feel insecure and he doesn't seem to believe that it's not him that is the problem. I know they all say that you should try to do it even when you're not in the mood.. which I do and once we've started I do get into it. It's just the bringing myself to WANT to do it. I WANT to want to have sex. I really do, but I'm just so down on myself and always have so much on my mind that it's hard for me. I was just wondering if anyone had any advice on how to save our sex life?

Oh and before ya'll say it... Seeing a doctor is out of the question, like I mentioned my work went out of business (about three weeks ago) so I have no insurance =(

Anyway, thanks in advance, any help is much appreciated! =)

Re: Lost my sex drive.. help? (Kind of long, sorry!)

  • To be completely honest with you it sounds like you have the symptoms of depression. Which is completely understandable considering all you went/are going though. Since seeing a doctor is out, I would recommend exercise. It will reduce stress, increase your confidence/self esteem, energy and boost your endorphins... in turn (hopefully) increasing your sex drive to where you want to have sex.
  • I second the suggestion of depression. ?You have been under a HUGE amount of stress lately and that can destroy a person's sex drive.

    You need to look into what state health insurance is available to you. ?I imagine that Ohio is really feeling the recession crunch, but there is likely to be some aid that can get you into a doctor's office for an evaluation. ?While your current issue is your sex drive, by remaining depressed you are unlikely to be putting your best foot forward toward getting a new job and improving your circumstances. ?Think of this as an investment in your future.

    Good luck!?

  • Thats the thing though.. I have been feeling slightly depressed.. but it's not stopping me from doing other things that I should/usually do. For instance I had a job interview two days ago and received an offer for a follow up/second interview (not to sound sure of myself but they were very impressed and actually told me that my interview went well). I've also been making dinner (just about) every night and I've been working out more than usual (about 3 times a week).. I will take the suggestion to work out more often though and I didn't even think of looking into insurance from the state so that's a good idea =)

     Depression runs in my family so i'm sure I do have it.. but it's a minor case if that.. I don't go to sleep crying, I'm not suicidal.. I still enjoy all of my other activities that I enjoyed before. Sex seems to be the only thing that's really hurt by this..

  • As someone who is dealing with depression, you can still not be totally in the hole. I still enjoy some of the things I normally do. I have good and bad days. You don't have to be suicidal to have depression...just saying. 

    I would look at depression as one cause. Also, how is your relationship with your BF...are you sure it is as good as it seems? Are you on BC pills? That could also impact your drive.

  • Are you on any medications? Birth control or anything else?
  • I'm not on any birth control, the only medication I take is adderall xr (for my ADD) in the morning and then I take vitamins at night (because the adderall prevents my body from absorbing vitamins properly). I wouldn't think the adderall is affecting our relationship because when I'm not on it i'm incredibly lazy.. not sure how it works like that but when I take it I think it actually makes me happier (even though it's not an anti-depressent) but it makes me want to get up and go and actually do stuff.

     As for our relationship - I'll admit it's not as amazing as it was the first year. We've settled out of the "honeymoon" phase and we're saving for a house so we don't go out as much. Rather than going to dinner and a movie we'll stay in and cook dinner together and watch tv so i'm sure that's putting a little stress on our relationship. However, we do still make time for eachother - we go for walks (now that the weather is getting nicer, yay!) or we'll turn off the tv and play cards. I dono.. just can't get in the mood for sex =(

  • It sounds to me like you're under a lot of stress and I know personally that this can put a damper on your sex drive.  It's hard to feel sexy when you're worried about so many different things.  I have a feeling that when some of this stress is taken away, your drive will come back.  Exhaustion and stress are not the best aphrodisiacs.

     I think finding more ways to fit time for yourself and relaxation in may help.  This may be tough to do, but if you can find even a small amount of time to do so, it may help.

    BabyFruit Ticker
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