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Video Games : (

2

Re: Video Games : (

  • DH is a gamer and if left to his own devices he would be playing all day without feeding and bathing himself.  Did I mention he's 32? 

    Derica, rarely do gamers grow out of this life.  It may decrease or as someone said earlier "ebb and flow" but it will always be in their life.  I'm just lucky that DH stops if I ask.  I'm usually keeping myself occupied anyways but if I wanted him to do something with me then I would do what pp said about saying, "Can we do x, y, z in 30 min.?"  DH has made an effort to try and find out what types of games I enjoy so I can participate too.  For Wii, I enjoy tennis, bowling, and MarioKart.  They also have Brain Academy, which is pretty fun and we love Rock Band.  If you want to join in on the gaming fun find out what your interests are.  Do you enjoy role playing, racing, puzzles?  Believe me, I suck at playing games but I play what I enjoy and it's really the joint effort in playing the game that mattered.

    Now, I read earlier that you guys are long-distance.  I'm sure you would rather spend your limited precious time something else besides gaming.  There should be a compromise of maybe gaming for 1-2 hours/day or weekend (depending on what you're willing to deal with) and the rest of the time cannot involve a gaming console.  You really  need to sit him down and use your "I" words.  "I feel neglected when you do this."  "I don't feel like a priority when you choose to play games over spending time with me."

    Don't stay in this relationship just because you have history.  That's one of the WORST reasons to stay in a relationship.  And yes, gaming is sufficient enough cause to break up.  You should talk to a WOW widow and see how they felt when their exes were neglecting them.

    And just to throw in one more thing.  I am sure you are smart and is fully capable of writing as though you are a college student.  With that said, when on a public forum you present yourself in a certain way and ppl will judge you in that way.  When you write on a forum as though you're texting on a phone it protrays you in a negative light.  Sure, I may abbreviate in my text messages but I don't write the way you do.  Yes, we use abbreviations like DH and MUD on here because that's the norm.  When using those abbreviations it doesn't make the person come off as unintelligent.  But the way you write makes you come off as unintelligent and that in the end affects how ppl may view you and your story.

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  • Dang, sorry I didn't realize that was so long!
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  • OP - First of all, you sound like you're 16.  Not just with the way you're typing (this is a public message board, not a text message - you're only showing your ignorance/beebeeishness by text typing), but with what you're saying.  The PP's who said that he is ignoring you are right. 

    DH has always been a gamer and will always BE a gamer.  He's 32 and not about to stop.  How do I cope?  While he's playing, I nest.  If he's playing something I like to watch, then I watch him play and try to help when I can.

    The fact that he's not putting down the controller to spend time with you when he has it is really telling.  He's just not that into you.  Move on and live your life instead of trying to chain yourself to a man who doesn't want you.

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  • I actually think you should keep things just the way they are. You are not listening to what anyone is telling you. You dont care that he isnt putting any effort into the relationship and that he isnt listening to a word you say.

    SO, keep it the way it is, keep trying because you love him and he is just so wonderful. Keep putting all the effort into the relationship without getting anything back. Go ahead, it sounds like a wonderful thing.

    We'll see you over on TIP in about a year telling us how you thought it would get better AFTER you were married. How you didnt understand how serious it was. Just a warning you might want to change your name before you go over there.



  • image zitiqueen:
    image dericalove:

    smileyone

    ur right this isnt the type of relationship i want to have, but i'm willing to work on it which is why i was asking for advice. I dont want to throw away a realtionship ive had for almost four years with the person i love because of video games

    Translation? This isn't the kind of relationship I want, but I'm going to put up with being ignored for the rest of my life because I've never been alone and I'm desperate to have a man by my side because I'm nothing without a man there to define me.

    They're called "first loves" for a reason, pumpkin -- more are supposed to come after that.

    first of all what kind of relationship would i be n if it wasnt worth working for,and  like i've said about 10x before, i'm not being ignored, we dont just sit in the house all day playing video games when i'm home, but sometimes he does play it for a while. I didnt right the post b/c i thought my relationship was in trouble, i wrote it because i like to b selfish with the time i do get to spend with him

    second of all i never have and never will b the type of person who needs a man, i know i have the ability to have whoever i want whenever i want, but out of everyone the only person i do want is my bf. if we were having poblems to the point that i was crying myself to sleep or constantly having my heart broken i'd leave. no man defines me, i am a beautiful, confident, intelligent, interesting woman, with or without a man on my arm.

    And please dont act as if I'm a child, dont call me pumpkin, I a a grown woman paying my own bills and making my own way in this world without the help of a man or anyone else. DOn't hate on me cause u had to have ur heart broken by more than one man before u could find happiness while i was lucky enough to find it on my first shot.

    God, grow up!!!! its sad how women have to bring down and hate on other women for no reason. i can here to get advice on how to make my bf spend less time playing video games when 'm home, not to have other women judge my relatioship based on a few deatils on our life together.

  • God, grow up!!!! its sad how women have to bring down and hate on other women for no reason. i can here to get advice on how to make my bf spend less time playing video games when 'm home, not to have other women judge my relatioship based on a few deatils on our life together.

    Okay, now tell us we're bitter old hags and we don't know you or your BF and how happy you are.  We could never understand your situation or possibly give you the advice that you want to hear.

    Oh and don't forget to throw in the part about pitying our husbands too.  That one is always priceless!

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  • image dericalove:
    ?no man defines me, i am a beautiful, confident, intelligent, interesting woman, with or without a man on my arm.?

    Does anyone remember Stuart Smalley from SNL? ?

    image dericalove:
    ?And please?dont act as if I'm a child, dont call me pumpkin, I a a grown woman paying my own bills and making my own way in this world without the help of a man or anyone else. DOn't hate on me cause u had to have ur heart broken by more than one man before u could find happiness while i was lucky enough to find it on my first shot.?

    Proof positive you're still a baby. Big girls don't need to stomp their big girl foot and say "But I AM a grown up!" Also, low blow there, big girl.?

    image dericalove:
    ?God, grow up!!!! its sad how women have to bring down and hate on other women for no reason. i can here to get advice on how to make my bf spend less time playing video games when 'm home, not to have other women judge my relatioship based on a few deatils on our life together.?

    yawn. ?

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  • Hey ScatteredTrees, how long do you think before the DD?

     

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  • Wow, oh wow.  People were giving you advice but it's not what you want to hear.  A grown-up would not be having a temper tantrum like that but instead would maturely listen to everyone's advice and even if they disagreed (whether it's personal opinion or clear delusion) they would argue back in a mature manner.  Not go "Waa, waa, waa, you guys suck!"  And if you seriously think that your high school, child-love is the best that there is then you REALLY have a lot of growing up to do.

     

    Does anyone have the statistics for what the average number of posts is before OP's start calling people bitter old hags with cheating husbands?  I would be curious to know that.

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  • My boyfriend and I are both gamers, he is more of one than I am. And I think we are about your age.

    We try to buy games that are two player. Like racing games and shooting games. When we play one player games we usually will trade the controller. Like if I am playing first I go till I die, then it is his turn.

    There are hundreds and hundreds of games out there, I'm sure you guys could find something to agree on.

     I also think that since you guys never get to see each other, and when you do it isn't very long, it is kind of messed up that he would rather play games with his friends. And I do agree with a lot of the posters, that if he isn't willing to see what he is doing that hurts you, he probably never will.

     

    p.s    for ps3   Little big planet

     It is these little dolls that you run through mazes. Completeing the mazes gets you new items. It is really cute and I know a lot of boys that like the game. And I love it. 

  • Makaila04

    thanx for the suggestion, the game for PS3 sound like a lot of fun. next time i go home i'm going to have to try it out.

    i understand what u r saying when u agree with the other ppl, but they just dont seem t understand that when i did talk to him he changed what he thought was the problem, but he wasnt getting the big picture. this is why i asked what  could to get him to understand what i was saying/ feeling. everyone seems to think that he just ignored what i had to say, when that just wasn't the case.

  • image dericalove:

    DOn't hate on me cause u had to have ur heart broken by more than one man before u could find happiness while i was lucky enough to find it on my first shot.

    How do you know if you've only ever dated this one guy though, pumpkin?

    If you were truly happy with him, pumpkin, and your life together was as picture-perfect as you're trying to convince yourself that it is, you wouldn't be here crying to us about how he neglects you during your limited time together, now would you, pumpkin?


    i can here to get advice on how to make my bf spend less time playing video games when 'm home, not to have other women judge my relatioship based on a few deatils on our life together.

    Oh, pumpkin. You still don't get it, do you? I told you back on page one, along with everybody else, that there is no magic spell that will get your BF to give a crap about you. Your BF has to want to give a crap about you. He is proving with his actions that he does not give a crap about you. He would rather play video games than spend time with you.

    But you didn't really come here for advice. You came here expecting us to say "Oh, boys can be so silly with their games! You just hang in there, girl, everything will be all right -- he'll change after you get married!"

    fiizzlee = vag ** fiizzle = peen ** Babies shouldn't be born wit thangs ** **They're called first luddz fo' a reason -- mo' is supposed ta come after. Yo Ass don't git a medal fo' marryin yo' prom date. Unless yo ass is imoan. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Then yo ass git a all-expenses paid cruise ta tha Mediterranean n' yo ass git ta hook up Jared Padalecki on tha flight over while bustin yo' jammies. But still no medal.
  • Shadow, I say before tomorrow. What do you think?

    Let's not give her any ideas though.?

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  • image dericalove:

    i understand what u r saying when u agree with the other ppl, but they just dont seem t understand that when i did talk to him he changed what he thought was the problem, but he wasnt getting the big picture. this is why i asked what  could to get him to understand what i was saying/ feeling. everyone seems to think that he just ignored what i had to say, when that just wasn't the case.

      First of all, it's very difficult to understand what you're saying without having to re-read your posts five times because of your terrible grammar skills.

    Second of all - you asked for advice on a public message board.  You're asking what you can do to make him understand what you're saying.  I have a newsflash for you - YOU CANNOT FORCE SOMEONE TO UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU'RE SAYING/FEELING.  We do NOT have  the magic answers.  We cannot tell you "oh, just say XYZ to him and he'll snap right into Mr. Perfect Mode for you!"  Honestly, at this point, I just don't even know what the Hell you're asking anymore.  If he changed for you, then wtf is your problem?  Did he not change enough? 

    ScatteredTrees - ITA, and this is too much fun for a DD.

    Ziti - Can I have your babies???  Because I'm in love with your awesomeness.

     

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  • image Shadow42:

    Ziti - Can I have your babies???  Because I'm in love with your awesomeness.

    steve&heather wants to marry me and you want to have my babies... I sense a cage match coming on...

    fiizzlee = vag ** fiizzle = peen ** Babies shouldn't be born wit thangs ** **They're called first luddz fo' a reason -- mo' is supposed ta come after. Yo Ass don't git a medal fo' marryin yo' prom date. Unless yo ass is imoan. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Then yo ass git a all-expenses paid cruise ta tha Mediterranean n' yo ass git ta hook up Jared Padalecki on tha flight over while bustin yo' jammies. But still no medal.
  • image zitiqueen:
    image Shadow42:

    Ziti - Can I have your babies???  Because I'm in love with your awesomeness.

    steve&heather wants to marry me and you want to have my babies... I sense a cage match coming on...

      I can't fight Heather!  She's pg and I can't hit a pg woman. 

    She can marry you, so long as I can have your babies.  I can be the surrogate mommy for the two of you.

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  • image Shadow42:
    Honestly, at this point, I just don't even know what the Hell you're asking anymore.? If he changed for you, then wtf is your problem?? Did he not change enough??

    Agreed. Did he compromise with you, but not quit the games? What's the problem/question/reason you're whining?

    I'm starting to sense you're a little controlling or superficial and you don't like the fact that his hobby is gaming.?

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  • image scatteredtrees:

    image Shadow42:
    Honestly, at this point, I just don't even know what the Hell you're asking anymore.  If he changed for you, then wtf is your problem?  Did he not change enough? 

    Agreed. Did he compromise with you, but not quit the games? What's the problem/question/reason you're whining?

    I'm starting to sense you're a little controlling or superficial and you don't like the fact that his hobby is gaming. 

    when i told him i wanted to spend more time with him his answer was for me to watch him play the game, which to me is the same as not being there (there is still no communication between us). he's ok as long as i'm with him while i'd rather he tlk to me or take me out

  • Sounds to me that when she's in town, 100% of his time needs to be with her. It doesn't matter if that is the only time he gets for himself (hobbies or anything else for that matter).

     

    I can understand when you have to travel to see your SO that you want to spend your time with them -- DH and I were long distance for a while bc of school then later bc of work. But you have to understand that just bc your around doesn't mean his life stops. Again, if he spends an entire day gaming when you are home for a weekend, ok get pissed. Then talk to him about why your angry. If he doesn't adapt then he doesn't care. If he spends 2 hours doing it (with friends no less), get over yourself. 

     

  • when i told him i wanted to spend more time with him his answer was for me to watch him play the game, which to me is the same as not being there (there is still no communication between us). he's ok as long as i'm with him while i'd rather he tlk to me or take me out

    Soooo... If you're not happy with watching him play and he won't stop playing to spend time with you, then why are you with him?? 

    I still don't get what you want us to tell you.  You can't force him to understand how you feel about the video games. He probably doesn't see it as a big deal and can't understand why it bothers you so much.  And we can't understand why you would stay with a man who doesn't respect your feelings.

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  • image dericalove:

    .... (there is still no communication between us)

    Do you mean there is no communication while he's playing the game, or there is no communication in general??

    If you're coming in from out of town to see him and picks gaming over quality time, then honey, he's not that into you.

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  • GBCKGBCK member
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    image dericalove:
    image scatteredtrees:

    image Shadow42:
    Honestly, at this point, I just don't even know what the Hell you're asking anymore.  If he changed for you, then wtf is your problem?  Did he not change enough? 

    Agreed. Did he compromise with you, but not quit the games? What's the problem/question/reason you're whining?

    I'm starting to sense you're a little controlling or superficial and you don't like the fact that his hobby is gaming. 

    when i told him i wanted to spend more time with him his answer was for me to watch him play the game, which to me is the same as not being there (there is still no communication between us). he's ok as long as i'm with him while i'd rather he tlk to me or take me out

     

    And what did he say when you told him THAT?

     

  • You should just sell the PS3 and Wii while he's not home. Problem solved!
  • image Tegan:
    You should just sell the PS3 and Wii while he's not home. Problem solved!

    How exactly does that solve the problem? You think he's going to come home, find his gaming system gone, and say "Oh, well. Let's just spend our time together doing whatever it is you want, my love"?

    On second thought, maybe she should sell it. I guarantee he'd dump her ass_in a heartbeat, completely disproving her theory about how much in love they are and how perfect they are for each other and how their love will conquer all.

    fiizzlee = vag ** fiizzle = peen ** Babies shouldn't be born wit thangs ** **They're called first luddz fo' a reason -- mo' is supposed ta come after. Yo Ass don't git a medal fo' marryin yo' prom date. Unless yo ass is imoan. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Then yo ass git a all-expenses paid cruise ta tha Mediterranean n' yo ass git ta hook up Jared Padalecki on tha flight over while bustin yo' jammies. But still no medal.
  • image Tegan:
    You should just sell the PS3 and Wii while he's not home. Problem solved!

    lol...

  • I wasn't being serious, but the serious answers were falling on deaf ears so I thought maybe she would take the stupid advice instead. I realize he would probably flip his lid, I was going to suggest she take a hammer to them but decided on selling.
  • I think, if you want a cat, don't get a dog and then get mad at it b/c it won't go in the litter box. ?Get a cat in the first place. ?Guys who play lots of video games drive me insane, so I didn't marry one. ?
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  • image jennintrouble:

    It really depends on how much he's dividing his time.

     My hubby pulled back his game playing a lot when we were dating because we had limited time together. Now that we're married he's back into it (still less than when he was single). I don't really mind much. He plays maybe a couple hours when he first gets home from work so he can blow off some steam from his stressful job. Then we generally spend the evening doing other stuff. Sometimes he gets really absorbed but it's not that often.

     And sometimes he plays after I go to bed. 

     I mean... if it's truly excessive and y'all hardly ever talk, I would bring it up. But it really is a stress reliever for most. And both of you probably could use some "me time" to unwind.

    But really, how much time would you say a day, because it makes a diff. 

     

    ditto this. Also just to add a few other thoughts. He probably won't grow out of it but could possibly play less in the future. When he's playing video games take that time to do something you enjoy. It's also good to have alone time. One last thing dont' nag him or he won't respond, most guys don't respond well to nagging wives, girlfriends. But if he honestly is playing all the time and not spending any time with you then of course say something but do it effectivley.

  • I bet when he starts having sex with the girls on Grand Theft Auto she'll say something Crying

     

  • "i know i have the ability to have whoever i want whenever i want,"

    haha this made me laugh...

    anyways, your bf should want to spend time with you when you are there, if you only have a limited time together. He either doesn't care or could be addicted to gaming. ?

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