Ok, this may be confusing.
We just found out my DH's cousin is getting married this August in Michigan, and DH really wants to go. We were planning on going out there this summer anyway because my DH's 100 year old grandmother died this past winter, and they are having a memorial service for her at some yet to be determined date in July or August. MIL (its MIL's mom who died) is pretty much in control of when the memorial service is. MIL is in Boston, DH's brother is in NYC, and we live in CA, so everyone has to travel for both the memorial service and the cousin's wedding ( the cousin is on FIL's side of the family, not MIL's). FIL is also in Boston, but divorced from MIL (why DH's cousin is inviting MIL to the wedding after the nasty divorce that MIL and FIL went through is beyond me, but whatever).
Obviously, for DH and I it would make the most sense (in terms of money, time, etc.) to have the memorial sevice on the same weekend as the wedding, so we only have to fly to MI once (we can't take off work for this). BIL and MIL are now thinking its a great idea to have the memorial service the weekend before since BIL and MIL always spend a week in Michigan each summer anyway. They are now expecting us to fly out two weekends in a row, because (1) it might be "too emotional" to have the wedding and the memorial service in the same weekend, and (2) the bride and the bride's mother (DH's aunt on his dad's side, so not related to DH's grandmother) have expressed an interest in attending the memorial service. DH and I are still pushing to have the memorial service on that same weekend (wedding during the day on Saturday, memorial service on Sunday), but I don't think MIL will budge.
DH feels he needs to be there for both events, so he's not willing to tell his mom that if the memorial service is not on the wedding weekend, we won't be able to make it. I said I will only fly out there once (if I have to chose, it will be for the wedding), and that if DH feels he needs to go out twice, he can go on the memorial weekend without me. DH is pressuring me to go to both, because I have a non-existent relationship with his mother (long story, but she was so horrible DH cut her out of our lives for over a year, but she's back in, but only phone calls once a month) and he thinks that if I don't go, it sets a bad precedent, and gives her exactly what she wants, which is a chance to pretend I don't exist.
So, if you've made it this far, please let me know if I'm right in this, or if I should suck it up and go to both weekends.