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Advice please...rough week.

Hello, I've been seeing a guy for about 2 months; we live about 1 1/2 hours from each other so we really only see each other on the weekends - during the week we email.  In the beginning I thought that things would progress, however now it seems as though we are just at this plateau.  (fyi..we haven't slept w/ each other). We email every day but never talk on the phone, and because of our schedules we weren't able to see eachother last weekend or this coming weekend...but it just seems so hard to get this going.  We haven't really "established" ourselves as bf/gf so I feel goofy bringing something up.  SO...this week I found out that I have lost my job (@ my company for 10 years), I have 90 days before we are severed.  So...I have been devasted.  When I tell him he's sympathetic (via email) but doesn't really know what to say (which I understand), the thing is HE never even called me...nothing.  This isn't acceptable to me and am thinking of breaking it off - this long distance relationship isn't my cup of tea (and it's my first one too...) so I didn't want to knock it before I tried it.  Anyhow....I know I'm blabbing but wondering if you had any advice for me...am I overreacting, just having a rough week or do I have a valid point?

Re: Advice please...rough week.

  • Hard to say. I mean - how did you guys meet? Are you actually exclusive?

     When I first met my husband he had just moved to my city from one about an hour and a half away... I really liked him at the end of the week we were thrown together for. But I have no doubt that if he hadn't just moved it wouldn't have worked out. The beginning of a relationship is an awkward time for distance. Distances are hard for serious established relationships to get through. 

     Since you're this concerned over maybe breaking it off, I have to ask - how much do you actually like this guy? I mean... it doesn't sound like you have much of a basis in the relationship. 

  • If the relationship isn't progressing the way you'd like it to (e.g.: him not calling after you told him you were just laid off), then by all means break it off.

    I am sorry you are losing your job. 

  • This is a two month relationship, and you only see each other on the weekend.  So you've had what, 8 dates?

    If it's not working for you, break it off.  I think you're making a bigger deal of this than it needs to be.  Sounds like you are having a difficult time right now, so maybe it's not a great time to be dating.

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  • image Supreme:

     When I tell him he's sympathetic (via email) but doesn't really know what to say (which I understand), the thing is HE never even called me...nothing.  This isn't acceptable to me and am thinking of breaking it off - this long distance relationship isn't my cup of tea (and it's my first one too...) so I didn't want to knock it before I tried it.  Anyhow....I know I'm blabbing but wondering if you had any advice for me...am I overreacting, just having a rough week or do I have a valid point?

    Sounds like you've already made up your mind and just want someone to tell you it's okay to end this relationship.  That said, if you aren't happy with how things are going, you can talk to him about how you feel and discuss what each of you wants/needs from this situation, or you can walk away. 

  • Well, on one hand I want to say "it's ONLY been 2 months", and the pp brought up a good point - are you all exclusive?  I ask because where it seems like you want to make this work - is he as committed, or is this more of a fun thing for him while it lasts, but he's not as "in" to you?  (Hence, not calling when you were upset....)

    However, as he doesn't know what to say, not knowing what to say over the phone is HARD!  If it's hard for him via e-mail, it's probably harder on the phone.

    I don't say that to excuse him as much as explain him, perhaps. 

    My advice:

    if you want to make this work, I think you need to TALK to him. It is still a very new relationship, and also one where you all really haven't spent that much time together (perhaps another reason he felt odd calling you about this.  Maybe he didnt' feel it was his place?).   Talk to him, tell him "I was really upset and would have liked a phone call.  Can I ask why you didn't call?".  And see what he says.

    Remember- he can't read your mind!  While it may be "obvious" to you that he should call, he may have a different perspective on it.  And I think it's a bit rash to end a relationship over this.  You all are new, you dont' know one another all that well- you need to figure this stuff out!

    However, if the long distance thing really isn't working for you, and maybe you just aren't getting the vibe from him that he's really the right guy for you, then sure... end it.  WHy try to force a square peg into a round hole?

    "Beer is living proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."
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  • First, I'm sorry you're losing your job. ?I was laid off in September and it stinks. But, be sure to include some fun stuff amid your job hunt. ?Schedule a lunch with a girlfriend, enjoy a mid-day workout, etc. ?It'll help, I promise. ?

    Back to the guy. ?If it's this difficult in the beginning do you think it will get easier? ?Why don't you ever talk on the phone during the week? ? Yes, email is great for convenience but not much can replace the actual chemistry between two people when they're talking. ?I don't know that you need to end it right off the bat but I think some of your concerns are worth discussing with the guy if you really care about him and this relationship. ?If you can't talk about things now it won't get any better. ?Good luck!

  • No sense in forcing something when it's only been 2 months.   If you don't feel it, you don't feel it.   

    I'd cut your losses and move on. 

  • I'm inclined to say cut your losses. FI and I dated for a year long distance (him on the East Coast, me on the West), before I finally moved in with him. It is possible to work out, but the only "work" really involved in it for me was to try and quell the pain/sadness I felt at not getting to see him more. It was never a struggle to communicate or anything like you're describing.

    LD relationships are "work" but I guess a different type of work, and I knew the entire time that it was worth every moment. If you don't feel the same way, I dunno if it's really for you.

    image
    Are you serious???
  • cut your loses.

     

    he's not that into you. 

  • 8 dates isnt really a relationship imo. you dont even talk to the guy on the phone. it is pretty obvious to us that this isnt the relationship  you think it is. i actaully think it is kind of weird that are taking it so seriously.

    im sorry about your job that is horrible, but no need to break off a relationship that doesnt actually exist.



  • I say, don't waste your time on a relationship that doesn't meet your relationship needs.  However, I don't really have enough info to advise you on what to do about it.   Other than the logistics, do you like him?  Would you want to pursue this relationship more if it were a short-distance relationship?  What's the difference in the areas between where you are and where he is?  Is it worth it to consider finding a new job closer to where he is?  What else is keeping you in your current location?
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