Relationships
Dear Community,

Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.

If you have questions about this, please email [email protected]

Thank you.

Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.

F/U: I need to get this out

Here is my original post:  http://community.thenest.com/cs/ks/forums/thread/10349176.aspx

So I decided to stick with marriage counseling for a while. We've been going every week. We haven't been fighting as much but I think that is mostly we have counselors to be accountable to. I think we have a lot to fight about but we are both trying not to fight. DH's individual counselor won't see him anymore, he kept missing sessions or calling her 30 min before to reschedule. So he hasn't been to counseling on his own in 2 months and we owe a bunch on money to her for missed sessions. I've been going to individual counseling every week.

He has been making a on again off again effort to help around the house, take some responsibility for himself, and he has been trying to be nicer and more aware of his actions and words.

Despite his efforts I just don't feel like anything has changed much. One of the few fights we've had was him feeling that I haven't noticed that he has changed. But I can't say "oh, yes you've changed so much" for just some on and off efforts for a month and a half.

I feel like I have to keep trying to make this work, but the truth is that I am unhappy. Which just makes me feel bad that I can't just be grateful that he is making an effort for me.

 I keep having this reoccurring dream that DH is gone from my life and that I get back into school, I find a great roommate, and I buy a cat to keep me warm at night. I am doing all of these activities that I have always wanted to do. I am so happy that I am doing things that I want to do and need to do for myself. That my life is just the way it needs to be, in this dream though I am very aware that DH isn't there and that I don't want him there. I wake up realizing that it is a dream and I just feel so irritated with DH who is just snoring away next to me.

I feel like I am just being this selfish person who wants everything their way. I just really want to accomplish goals but I for some reason can't picture myself doing any of these things with him in my life.

I have set a timeline I plan to continue to make an effort to work on problems between us until June. If I don't see any real changes and don't feel like things are reasonably getting better then I am going to ask DH to move out. I have realized as well that I am afraid of feeling like I failed and feeling alone which I think has been holding me back a bit. I don't know where I could find the courage to ask DH to leave.

I'm honestly not very optimistic that we will figure things out and DH actually told me that he isn't either. (He did however try asking me when we were going to try to have a baby again in the same conversation. I told him not until we figure out our issues.) But as I said before I feel like I have to try, if nothing else I can say I did that. The truth is that I don't really like my DH as a person in general anymore. The more I see who he really is the more angry I am with him and with myself for putting myself in this situation. I really just want to be alone. But although I don't necessarily like him I do care about him and don't want to hurt him.

So really have a few questions. If you don't like someone, is it even possible to like them again? If not, should I keep trying until June or should I just find the courage to ask him to go now? I really am confused. Any other advice is appreciated.

So I decided to stick with marriage counseling for a while. We've been going every week. We haven't been fighting as much but I think that is mostly we have counselors to be accountable to. I think we have a lot to fight about but we are both trying not to fight. DH's individual counselor won't see him anymore, he kept missing sessions or calling her 30 min before to reschedule. So he hasn't been to counseling on his own in 2 months and we owe a bunch on money to her for missed sessions. I've been going to individual counseling every week.

He has been making a on again off again effort to help around the house, take some responsibility for himself, and he has been trying to be nicer and more aware of his actions and words.

Despite his efforts I just don't feel like anything has changed much. One of the few fights we've had was him feeling that I haven't noticed that he has changed. But I can't say "oh, yes you've changed so much" for just some on and off efforts for a month and a half.

I feel like I have to keep trying to make this work, but the truth is that I am unhappy. Which just makes me feel bad that I can't just be grateful that he is making an effort for me.

 I keep having this reoccurring dream that DH is gone from my life and that I get back into school, I find a great roommate, and I buy a cat to keep me warm at night. I am doing all of these activities that I have always wanted to do. I am so happy that I am doing things that I want to do and need to do for myself. That my life is just the way it needs to be, in this dream though I am very aware that DH isn't there and that I don't want him there. I wake up realizing that it is a dream and I just feel so irritated with DH who is just snoring away next to me.

I feel like I am just being this selfish person who wants everything their way. I just really want to accomplish goals but I for some reason can't picture myself doing any of these things with him in my life.

I have set a timeline I plan to continue to make an effort to work on problems between us until June. If I don't see any real changes and don't feel like things are reasonably getting better then I am going to ask DH to move out. I have realized as well that I am afraid of feeling like I failed and feeling alone which I think has been holding me back a bit. I don't know where I could find the courage to ask DH to leave.

I'm honestly not very optimistic that we will figure things out and DH actually told me that he isn't either. (He did however try asking me when we were going to try to have a baby again in the same conversation. I told him not until we figure out our issues.) But as I said before I feel like I have to try, if nothing else I can say I did that. The truth is that I don't really like my DH as a person in general anymore. The more I see who he really is the more angry I am with him and with myself for putting myself in this situation. I really just want to be alone. But although I don't necessarily like him I do care about him and don't want to hurt him.

So really have a few questions. If you don't like someone, is it even possible to like them again? If not, should I keep trying until June or should I just find the courage to ask him to go now? How do I find the courage to ask him to leave? I really am confused. Any other advice is appreciated.

Re: F/U: I need to get this out

  • Its hard to say, But I was you 6 years ago.

    I find that once you lose something that close to you (both of you.) it's hard to go back.

    Many thing's change when this happens. I found that I hated my FI after it all. It was hard. We grew apart. I found someone new.

    He (my now DH) knew eveything that happend with my ex Fi andeverything that goes with it, at times I can be kinda crazy...I mean my DD is in our  living room....in a jar. (cremation).

     I find that once this happens it drives you apart (the death of a child.) Not in a bad way but in a way that should have been seen way before.. you know?

    I guess I should just say I am sorry.

Sign In or Register to comment.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards