Sunday morning I walked into my place of worship, totally shocked to see my cousin and his wife there, formally one of my good friends, but we seem to have grown apart the past few years.
I was surprised to see them because we live 2.5 hours away from each other and only get to see them a few times a year. A little background on this: I?ve obviously known my cousin my whole life. We spent a lot of summers together and agreeably referred to each other as ?favorite cousin?. I introduced him to my friend; they got married and have been married almost two years now. Her parents still live in my town and she moved to his town.
Anyways?back to Sunday. I gave my cousin a huge hug as he was waiting for me at the door and I was like ?I had no idea you were in town!?
He gives me a funny look and was like, ?My wife told me, she told you we were in town. We?ve been here since Friday.?
I shrugged it off not pursing it any further and was just like, ?I don?t remember that, but its okay.? I don?t like to cause problems.
Not wanting to intrude on their plans after the service I simply mentioned that if they had time before they left town I?d love for them to swing by our house and see our new place. My cousin was very excited and said they?d most definitely stop by and see it before they left.
Later on that afternoon she texted me: We?re gonna play Partini at mom and dad?s. If you want to come over you can.
I told her we had a contractor coming by to look at a project for us and couldn?t make it at the time she said.
Usually when they come to town her parents are the ones who tell us ahead of time and they are the ones who invite DH and I over. This has happened probably three times and we?re cool hanging out no matter who invites us. We always go, but my friend rarely tries to make conversation with me and I?m always fishing for something to talk about because it seems like I?m the one who carries the conversation. It gives me the vibe that her parents invite us over out of obligation. However, her parents are so friendly and hospitable always.
About 7:00 PM she calls me and says ?We aren?t going to be able to make it; its just too late. It was just supposed to be a family weekend anyway.?
I was nonchalant and said maybe next time. I live right off the highway on the way out of town. It seriously would have only taken 5 minutes, maybe ten tops if we visited for 5 minutes. In our last apartment it took eight months for them to come see our place, and they were probably in town ten times. I?ve made effort to invite them over when I know they?re in town and they never come. We?ve never turned down an invitation to her parent?s house until this time and we seriously had another obligation.
They?ve visited town before and not seen us and I?ve never been upset about it or given it second thought simply because I understand just hanging out with family. We didn?t make plans to meet up those times. I was just shocked she told my cousin that she told me they were in town and she didn?t.
If they didn?t want to come, they could have told me upfront that they didn?t have time this trip instead of acting excited about seeing our new house. I wouldn?t even care if they hadn?t stood us up other times back when we lived in our apartment. Maybe I should just be grateful that they had the decency to call this time.
When I got off the phone with my old friend, DH gave me a hug without asking because he already knew they weren?t coming. DH initially said, ?Honey, don?t be too excited. You know they might not make it over because they?ve said they were coming in times past and didn?t.?
When we go visit where they live we always make time to stop by and visit with her, even if my cousin isn?t there (he travels a lot for work). I have a ton of family to visit in the town where they live and I still make time for her.
I asked her last month when we visited their town if I?d done anything wrong or offended her because she?s been behaving strangely since she married my cousin (I didn?t tell her I thought she was acting strange or the time frame I thought). Should I ask her again or let it be? I don?t want to cause any problems, but most of all don?t want to loose the friendship of my cousin. I really love my cousin. I understnad ppl change when they get married sometimes, but none of my other married friends seem to be so passive about our friendships.
I don?t know if I?m looking at this totally wrong. Am I over reacting? Is it okay for my feelings to be a little hurt?
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UPDATE: Talked to my friend and it turns out we both had a lot of unresolved issues in our relationship. I'm glad we talked and I gained my friend back. I hope we are friends for a long, long time to come.