Family Matters
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Car Problem

Since my marriage, my parents have been nothing but trouble.  Abusive, inflexible, controlling, lack of involvement, manipulative the list goes on and on.  I have done counseling etc.  My counslers have said family couseling will not work.  Well I have decided to get a new car.  The problem is with my current car my dad is refusing to sign his name to transfer ownerhsip unless I agree to family counseling .  When I bought the car, I was in college and did not have credit so his name is on the car.  I paid for the car, insurance, upkeep.  I am in the process of hiring a lawyer to get this straightened out as he has no interst in the car.  I was wondering if anyone has done such thing before.  Let me know your thoughts.  The car is worth about $6000. 

Re: Car Problem

  • If the car is in his name only then it is his car and he is letting you drive it. If you are adamantly against the family counseling (and I'd be curious why your counselor is advising you against this) walk away from the car and consider it $6000 of money well spent if it means you do not have to subject yourself to your family's drama and you father loses this piece of leverage over you.

  • Your lawyer will have better advice than anyone on here.

    But if it were me I'd give the car back to my dad and call it a wash. INo amount of money is worth the manipulation.

  • Call the lawyer, get the matter resolved legally. Be prepared to show every single payment you made, and prove that you paid the payments on time, paid the taxes, paid the insurance; the court will not take your word.

    Be prepared for this to be the end of your ties to your family, as well. Your parents will not get over this; and anyone who likes them or believes their side of things will not get over this. Next time, don't accept favors from people you despise.

     

    SO SINGS MY SOUL *WHAM!* MY SAVIOR GOD TO THEE *WHAM!* HOW GREAT THOU ART *WHAM!* HOW GREAT THOU ART *WHAM!*
  • Give them the car and consider it money well spent if you want to sever your ties with them.
    "You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means." Lilypie Fourth Birthday tickers Lilypie Third Birthday tickers
  • Be prepared, too, for this to cost you nearly what it is you hope to gain from getting his name off the title. I imagine he will fight it, and will have his own side of the story to tell. To the extent that you were not on time with your payments, or damaged the car, or didn't keep it insured, etc, your father will have a counter claim for what he says this cost him. He may lose; but it ups the cost of the fight itself, catch my drift?

     

    SO SINGS MY SOUL *WHAM!* MY SAVIOR GOD TO THEE *WHAM!* HOW GREAT THOU ART *WHAM!* HOW GREAT THOU ART *WHAM!*
  • Just to note--my name is on the title too . 
  • If they are as horrid as you say -- and I am sure they are -- eat the cost of the six grand. Not worth your sanity or manpower.

     

  • have you talked to your lawyer? Usually they will give you some idea of what you're in for. I'm guessing the laws vary by state. Luckily my XH signed it over to me right away. I'm not sure what Id' ahve done if he didn't.
  • If the lawyer's fees will come anywhere near $6K, just give the car back to your dad.
    Lilypie First Birthday tickers
    DS1 born June 2008 | m/c at 9w March 2011 | DS2 born April 2012
  • I have have not talked to the lawyer.  Everyone seems so busy and won't return calls.  I have a couple of good recommendations.  The sad thing about this is my parents were nice people before I got married.
  • So it's your car, but you didn't have enough of a credit history so he cosigned?  Yeah, I'd fight it.
  • 1. If the car is still work $6k, I doubt you need a new one yet.

    2. $6k is not worth fighting that much for IMHO.

  • Part of the problem is my husband does not fit in my Civic very well--he is 6'6 300+ lbs. He already has shoulder problems and this does not help things.   I did not meet my husband until after I bought my car.  We travel often as neither of our folks are in town. 
  • I would agree to go to counseling.  Take the name transfer papers (if that's all it entails) to the session and bring up how they are holding it over your head.  Get your dad to sign and then never go again.  The worst you have to deal with is headache of an hour at the counselors.
  • My DH is 6'7" and fit in my Civics, both of them. He's driven Philly to Indy in it dozens of times.

    If leg room is an issue, consider having a mechanic/body shop move the passenger seat back.

  • Tell your dad that you're willing to go to family counseling, but only AFTER he transfers the car.

    Then once he signs, scr$w him.  Sell / trade the car, don't get the counseling, and don't look back. 

    Of course, this will be the end of your relationship with them, and they'll have more ammo to throw at you, but who cares? 

    image "Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self esteem, first make sure you are not, in fact, just surrounded by assholes.
  • Wow, and here I was expecting "my transmission went out.  Should I charge the repair or pay it from my e-fund."  Much less difficult.

    Your father is being a putz.  Why is he so insistent on counseling, anyway?  You're an adult.  I agree with the poster who says bring the papers to counseling and hold it right back over dad's head that he thinks to treat you in such a manner and pressure him to sign right there.


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  • Uh, I would allow myself to be manipulated for $6,000 if I had paid for the car this entire time! I would agree to go to counseling and somehow get the title signed.
  • I need more backstory to know why you're willing to throw away your relationship with your parents over a 6K car.  Why can't you do counseling?
    Seriously, people. If your faith in humanity is destroyed because your parents told you there was a Santa Claus and as it turns out there is no Santa Claus, you are an ignorant, hypersensitive cry baby with absolutely zero perspective. - UnderwaterRhymes
  • image pksuee:
    Part of the problem is my husband does not fit in my Civic very well--he is 6'6 300+ lbs. He already has shoulder problems and this does not help things.   I did not meet my husband until after I bought my car.  We travel often as neither of our folks are in town. 

    I'm confused.  You need a car that is confortable enough for the long drive to go visit the very people you despise and will not go to counseling with?  Seems to me, if you take your parents to court, you won't need to worry about what you will drive when you go to visit.

  • On another note, last week I looked into a legal matter involving a $25K dispute.  I had three sit down meetings with a lawyer, who advised it would not be worth the time, effort or money it would take.  And that was AFTER he agreed I had clear legal standing and that he saw enough merit in the case to take it on contingency.  (He doesn't get paid his fee unless I win some sort of award).  He said that once his fee came of the top of the award, we paid any other legal costs, etc. etc, I would be left with very little.  Not to mention, it would be tied up so long, the money would not do me any good for what I want to do with it now.  And it would cause stress and disrupt my life.

    I am grateful he was so honest with me, many lawyers would just take the case and then eat up any money you hope to recover with fees and court costs.  (You have to pay the court reporter for transcribing depositions whether you win or lose, etc.)

    I can't imagine in a case like this that any lawyer would take it on contingency, so you would pay his/her billable hours up front.  The lawyer I spoke with charged $150/hour.  If he had not said he would take the case on contingency, I would have had to have paid for every 15 minute phone call he made to the court, the other lawyer, to me, etc.  And if he wrote a simple letter to the other side to indicate we wanted to resolve a legal dispute with them, that would be about 30 minutes.  So it would have added up really quick.  If you go to court, there's no way you'll get anywhere near $6k.

  • Thank you all for the info.  My parents say they want a relationship but they don't.  I had gone to their house a couple years ago, there was an argument, wanted to leave and refused to let me leave.  They physically hurt me in the process because I said I did not want to talk. My husband had to call the police (was living 1 hours away--came to stay the night for work).  I was black and blue.  I did not press charges at the time even though I should have.  They think this is normal behavior.  They are control freaks.  I have a little brother with a baby that live in the same town as my folks.  We are 1 hour away.  They have made it difficult for us to visit.  They have ignored us since the baby came.  They refused to visit us so we inturn quit visiting them after 10+ invites plus an open invite to visit.  They came to our house in the summer-had finished our basement and we had to kick them out because I was so sad.  My mother said I was a rotten daughter etc.  Had a letter ready with all of their requests (how they want me to live my life even though I was 28 and married). I really want to end it with them. I have put myself through enough.  I am not going to win unless a lawyer is involved.  They tell my grandparents "stories" without my side.  Such as when I had to call the police how I was "mentally unsafe.".  Prior to this--I had lived with my roommate who is a psychiatric nurse practitioner-who is my best friend.  I received counseling from my friend's friend.  My parents say they are "just fine" and refused counseling then.  They are the classic case of "Toxic Parents.".  When we met with them--they said everything the author said they would say.  The book was suggested by the counselor I spoke to.   

     We don't want the car to see my folks--his folks are out of town and are close with them.  Thoughts???

  • Pay him $3,000 for his half-interest in the car if he's being that much of a nozzle.  Or tell him to pay you $3,000 for your half.  You can take it to small-claims rather than paying for an attorney.

    And never speak to them again if this is how they are.  You're saner without toxicity in your life.


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  • So, the car is worth 6000 - kelly blue book value?  Does that include any remaining loan?  Get him to sign something saying you can have the car if you agree to counseling; hunt up documentation that you've paid for the entire thing, and take him to Small Claims court.
  • image Wahoo:

    Tell your dad that you're willing to go to family counseling, but only AFTER he transfers the car.

    Then once he signs, scr$w him.  Sell / trade the car, don't get the counseling, and don't look back. 

    Of course, this will be the end of your relationship with them, and they'll have more ammo to throw at you, but who cares? 

    This is exactly what I was thinking. I know it's underhanded but, well, I think I could live with that.

    [IMG]http://i39.tinypic.com/rkd75g.jpg[/IMG][IMG]http://i41.tinypic.com/23r1e34.jpg[/IMG]
  • image sapphireblue:
    image Wahoo:

    Tell your dad that you're willing to go to family counseling, but only AFTER he transfers the car.

    Then once he signs, scr$w him.? Sell / trade?the car, don't get the counseling, and don't look back.?

    Of course, this will be the end of your relationship with them, and they'll have more ammo to throw at you, but who cares??

    This is exactly what I was thinking. I know it's underhanded?but, well, I think I could live with that.

    Ditto. ?Or as a PP mentioned, take it to the counseling appointment and have him sign it there, in front of the counselor.?

    <a href="http://tinypic.com?ref=9t3cz9" target="_blank"><img src="http://i39.tinypic.com/9t3cz9.jpg" border="0" alt="Image and video hosting by TinyPic"></a>

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