I have been with my FI now for alittle over 6 years. We are getting married this December. My dad always creeps me out by saying "You marry the man - you marry his family too". I always said to myself if my FI didn't have the parents he did, then he would be perfect! My FMIL is of a different breed - I truly have never met anyone like her. It's not just me either - everyone else that crosses her path says the same things about her. She has no filter, says anything on her mind (usually negative & rude), is very cold and unfriendly and always wants to be in our business and overstep her boundaries. My FI thinks the same way I do about his own mother. It's so bad that we live approx. 20 mins from his parents and other than major holidays probably only see them a few times a year. In the beginning, I used to urge him to call his parents and try to have a nice rapport with them, but now I have just given up. It only seems to cause more harm than good - I hate that it has to be that way.
The irony behind it all, which makes our situation very tricky (hence, the Jekyl/Hyde part) is that FMIL must be the only person on the planet that doesn't view herself the way others do. She is always making us feel guilty for not calling/seeing her more. She acts like she wants a good relationship with us and yet everytime, once we're 'reeled' in she just does something to anger/upset us. She will tell me she loves me and can't wait until I am her DIL and even invited me to lunch a few months ago and the whole time belittled me and made me feel like less of a person. I would put myself through it if my FI and her were close but he could care less. He has even tried to talk to her about her behavior but everytime he does, she cries frantically and victimizes herself. We just do not know what to do. Any advice would be greatly appreciated!