Long story short..I'm recently married but have been with my DH for 3 1/2 years. His family has been great with the exception of his sister. Over the years she's made several subtle but very mean comments to me that I've tried hard to overlook. I'm not a phony person but have been with her for my DH's sake. During our wedding planning she decided to 'vent' to us in many hateful emails detailing everything that she dislikes about us. She mentioned in that email that she's had a hard time getting to know me b/c she is holding a grudge from his last relationship. His ex borrowed money for airfare and never paid it back. She let me know that she now holds me accountable for the debt since I'm married to her brother. I asked her repeatedly to put this on hold til after our wedding. Well, nothing of that has come up yet but at Christmas we made plans to have dinner at her house. When we spoke to her she mentioned to us to come between 3 or 4 pm. She failed to mention she told everyone else 2 pm. Of course, when we get there everyone is agitated with us. Then as we open presents, she lets everyone know that she made a calendar for her mom with personal pictures in it. She mentions that she customized the dates to reflect everyone's birthday but mine. Claiming she didn't know it (which is untrue) and that it wasn't that important.
I sucked it up and acted normal but mentioned to my DH that I am no longer going to subject myself to hours of humiliation and put downs by my SIL. I told him he could continue to celebrate with them but that as long as she was present, I would not be. Is that wrong? I am confused about what to do. Again, there's many other hateful things she's done but too many to mention.