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How Do I Confront Hubby on this

I'm nosey and insecure even without a reason to be. I've started arguments before over nothing plenty of times. And at first it never seems like nothing. Is this one of those times? I'm not sure.

I shouldn't do it but I can't help myself. Every great once in awhile, when the opportunity arises, I go through my hubby's phone. I tell myself I won't find anything and I'lll better. 

So yesterday I do this. I see he had messaged an old friend. An old single lady friend. One I've never met. "Haha. You'll have to forgive me" it says. Look around FB for a reference. None to be found. I check later on in the day.  He deleted it.

So yes,  I did this to myself by being so nosey, paranoid and intrusive. What do I do, how do I bring this up because I'm going to have to. But if it was nothing, he wouldn't have deleted it...correct?

Re: How Do I Confront Hubby on this

  • Hmm, if you have a habit of being nosy and insecure as you say, he might have deleted it just to avoid an unnecessary fight if he knew it would upset you? That said, maybe it would be good for the two of you to discuss boundaries with friends of the opposite sex, just to be sure you are on the same page of what is and isn't appropriate. For example, I am totally fine with my husband having female friends and I have plenty of male friends, but I would consider talking about anything too personal (ie something we haven't shared with each other, something personal about our relationship etc) to be crossing a boundary. Also, anything overtly flirtatious would be crossing a boundary. Also talking or hanging out in secret/ deleting messages would be a boundary. But you have to give him some reasonable leeway where he doesn't feel the need to hide innocuous interactions from you for fear of you overreacting. 
  • You arent paranoid, you followed your instinct and you were right. He is a sneaky sneak message deleter. 

    Keep checking to see if anything else pops up & confront him with better evidence. Take screen shots. Confront him about it with ss and tell him to stop deleting messages. If he can't follow through,  he's a guilty man.

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