Trouble in Paradise
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Tips for my TIP

edited March 2016 in Trouble in Paradise

I've just  (literally just in the last few hours) come to the realization that I am in an emotionally abusive relationship. It is by no means severe. My husband does not try to control everything I do or anything of that nature. It mainly comes down to him being unavailable emotionally, invalidating, and turning things around on me so that he doesn't have to take responsibility for anything he does. I've been in individual therapy for over a year and we have going to couples for about 2 months. I do plan to bring this up in therapy, but I needed to get some thoughts here in the moment.

Honestly, our relationship has gotten better since being in therapy, and I honestly don't think my husband /intends/ on being abusive. He just really doesn't have the introspection or awareness to understand his own actions. Not that that means I deserve it or that its okay. I just wanted some outside thoughts. Thanks.

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Re: Tips for my TIP

  • I've just  (literally just in the last few hours) come to the realization that I am in an emotionally abusive relationship. It is by no means severe. My husband does not try to control everything I do or anything of that nature. It mainly comes down to him being unavailable emotionally, invalidating, and turning things around on me so that he doesn't have to take responsibility for anything he does. I've been in individual therapy for over a year and we have going to couples for about 2 months. I do plan to bring this up in therapy, but I needed to get some thoughts here in the moment.

    Honestly, our relationship has gotten better since being in therapy, and I honestly don't think my husband /intends/ on being abusive. He just really doesn't have the introspection or awareness to understand his own actions. Not that that means I deserve it or that its okay. I guess my thought is that my son might be able to handle a divorce better when he is school-aged versus now at the age of three. That is my understanding based on my degree in child development and family science in how children process a divorce. Toddlers and preschoolers have no way to not think that it is their own fault. I wouldn't want to put my little one through that. 

    I just wanted some outside thoughts. Thanks.

    This is too bad.

    Sorry for your troubles.

    I am hoping everything can be fixed. If he is attending counseling as an eager and willing participant, great.
  • I call BS on him not knowing. Absolute BS

    If things have gotten better, why not keep trying to see if they will continue to get better?

    do you want your son growing up treating women like his dad?


  • It's great that you all are in therapy.  Hopefully he is open to working on and fixing this character flaw.  He's not going to be perfect overnight but, if he at least recognizes the problem and is willing to change, I think you all can overcome this.
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