DH and I have been married a little over 6 years, together for 8. We started having problems…couldn’t get through a day without fighting about every little thing. It got to be too much and we separated - I moved out around August last year. We had time apart and were continuing to have ups and downs but we started going to counseling in November and it was beginning to help. But many of our issues that came up revolved around his family. His parents are divorced and his father re-married, however, they are all very close. I never really felt like his family liked me from the beginning - hard to explain but just that feeling you get when people talk to you. Sometimes they would be condescending to me in the way they talked and it was kind of awkward to be around them sometimes. They were always argumentative about everything. They are the kind of people who refuse to believe they could ever be wrong about anything. DH always assured me that they did like me so I tried to believe him.
Finally, the counselor suggested we have his family in so we could all talk about the issues and get everything out in the open. Well, his father and step-mom yelled and screamed at me, said some very mean and hurtful things to me. No one stood up for me and after being verbally abused by his dad and step-mom, I ended up walking out of the session. DH acknowledges that their behavior was out of line and has even said that all of his parents “felt bad for me” for being put in that situation (even though they are the ones who put me in it). I told DH I don’t want anything to do with his dad and step-mom anymore. He wanted me to move back in next month but now things are just awful because his family is basically torn apart because he is with me. His mom says she won’t come to holiday things we hold at our house if the dad and step-mom aren’t invited (which I made clear to DH that they aren’t). I don’t think they will ever be truly sorry because that is just the kind of people they are. His dad is now sending DH emails saying he told him he was going to speak his mind and say how he felt because that’s what DH said to do and continues saying “I did what you asked and you are never to be heard from again. Thanks a lot, your advice sucks.” This only 1 week after DH went to him (after the therapy session) and told him he was going to focus and me and him and making our marriage work and wouldn’t be spending weekends with him anymore because he was upset by the things he said/did during the session.
I thought things were at least better between DH and I until yesterday when his mom told him she wanted to talk. I wasn’t there so obviously don’t know everything that was said but now she is upset because she’s “in the middle” so to speak. She told DH she understands why I don’t want to be around the dad/step-mom but that he should still be able to spend time with them. She also told him "You can't divorce your family". While this is true, I feel like this is basically telling him his only option is to divorce me. I just don’t feel comfortable for DH to just go on with their relationship when they were so mean and disrespectful to me. Honestly, I don’t think I will ever forgive his dad/step-mom and I don’t want them in my life. It’s not exactly fair to have DH lose his family because of me, especially when we are still working out our other problems. But I can’t get over this. I don’t know what to do… anyone have issues with their in-laws like this? Is it possible to have a strong marriage when I can’t along with my in-laws who he is super close to? I don’t know if I should just divorce him so he can keep his family and find someone else who maybe gets along better with them?? I’m just lost.