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My sister read my journal and wrote horrible things in it?

Doglover98Doglover98 newb
edited October 2015 in Family Matters
I'm 17 and my sister is 12. We've always had a very bad relationship, she steals my things, no matter how many times I've caught her and told her to never go into my room. We basically have no relationship and I like it that way. She is the kind of person I don't want to know. She is troubled, I know this. My parents know this. She is very confrontational and she is never satisfied. She's always yelling about something. I recently was going through one of my older journals just for the fun of it. I suddenly came across a page scrawled with obscenities saying "fuck you [my name]" and "whore" "fuck you" "motherfucker" and more. I was highly disturbed. I went back a page and realized I had written something about my sister on that page, complaining about her for something she did. While I agree what I wrote isn't nice, it wasn't meant for anyone else besides me to read. I'm a very private person and I've always been good at expressing how I feel through writing, its my only outlet and I never meant for anyone else besides me to read the things I wrote. I wrote all kinds of things, about boys, friends, and just my feelings in general. I feel sick to my stomach knowing someone else has read my deepest most inner thoughts. My parents don't seem to understand the gravity of the situation. They always say the feel bad for my sister because she is as I said, troubled, but they have never stopped to think about it affects me. How her stealing my things, reading my journal, and more, have affected how I grew up. She needs help. How can we help her? My parents are afraid to get her professional help because they don't want her to be labled as mentally ill. But she needs help before she does more damage to the other relationships in her life. Ours can no longer be salvaged, but she's still young enogh to change. Any suggestions?

Re: My sister read my journal and wrote horrible things in it?

  • edited October 2015
    I'm 17 and my sister is 12. We've always had a very bad relationship, she steals my things, no matter how many times I've caught her and told her to never go into my room. We basically have no relationship and I like it that way. She is the kind of person I don't want to know. She is troubled, I know this. My parents know this. She is very confrontational and she is never satisfied. She's always yelling about something. I recently was going through one of my older journals just for the fun of it. I suddenly came across a page scrawled with obscenities saying "fuck you [my name]" and "whore" "fuck you" "motherfucker" and more. I was highly disturbed. I went back a page and realized I had written something about my sister on that page, complaining about her for something she did. While I agree what I wrote isn't nice, it wasn't meant for anyone else besides me to read. I'm a very private person and I've always been good at expressing how I feel through writing, its my only outlet and I never meant for anyone else besides me to read the things I wrote. I wrote all kinds of things, about boys, friends, and just my feelings in general. I feel sick to my stomach knowing someone else has read my deepest most inner thoughts. My parents don't seem to understand the gravity of the situation. They always say the feel bad for my sister because she is as I said, troubled, but they have never stopped to think about it affects me. How her stealing my things, reading my journal, and more, have affected how I grew up. She needs help. How can we help her? My parents are afraid to get her professional help because they don't want her to be labled as mentally ill. But she needs help before she does more damage to the other relationships in her life. Ours can no longer be salvaged, but she's still young enogh to change. Any suggestions?
    Starting now:

    Get a doorknob with a keyed entry for your bedroom door --- any ole home improvement store has 'em and they cost about 10 bucks ---- and lock up any and all of your stuff that matters to you.


    They take about 15 minutes to install and only a screwdriver is needed to install it.

    You have one key and you hold onto the other one as a spare.  That's the only way to keep her out.

    Don't even ask your parents to get it for you --- just go out and do it. And if they don't like it, that's just too bad.

    Get a lock box, a trunk, a lock on your closet -- anything that she cannot access or pick open or jimmy to her hearts content.  Get a second keyed entry lock for your closet, too.

    If you can find a lock for the bedroom door where it is a lock that takes a combination, even better.  The lock has a series of numerical buttons on it. You set the combination of those numbers. She won't be able to get in there. Very doubtful she will remove the door on its hinge.

    If you have any jewelry that matters to you or is valuable --- I don't know what you might have -- class ring, bracelet, what have you --- get a safety deposit box at a bank. I am sure you will "qualify" for one; you might need to open an account there. (I have one too and they are a godsend)

    Your parents need to make rules.  They probably enabhle the hell out of her and don't care what she does; this is bad news.

    She is not to go into your room and vice versa --- gee, isn't that an unspoken official rule in any home? If it isn't, it should be --- and starting right now.

    Is she a problem in school also? A dime says that if she's problematic at home, she is at school, too. This puts her at a great big disadvantage...and your parents probably get call after call from a teacher about your sis. They need to see the light...if they have not enforced rules by now, it's going to be an uphill battle to get them to start doing that now.

    You and she have quite a distance in age between you.  That is part of the problem -- you know how silly 6th/7th grade girls can be.

    I know a guy who was 9 years older than his brother --- they never really got along....and they had to share a room.  Imagine what that was like --- just based on the fact alone you're 17 and your brother is 8.  That's a lot to cope with.:)

    I get the idea that your parents let her have the run of the house, so to speak. This is wrong. As I said, they need to stop enabling her and have rules --- and if she takes anything of yours or violates a "house rule" time to withhold a privledge.

    I hope you get this fixed. You have a right to privacy and you have a right to ensure theft doesn't occur.

    That she'd be labelled "mentally ill" wouldn't even be it. (a doctor needs to make tht diagnosis)  The problem is she is stealing -- and probably lying about it -- and that has to be stopped right now.

    This is why your sis needs a counselor to nip this I the bud --- stealing has to be curtailed before it leads to something a lot bigger --- they can get  reference for a social worker or some other mental health professional from your district's child study team.

    They need to get the stealing problem curtailed before she gets caught stealing something else bigger --- at school or from a neighbor or who knows who. At that point, it would be a criminal offense.

    (I feel for you; I had a sibling who was out of control -- he lied a lot -- and my mother never had it nipped in the bud. Don't ask what kind of a handful he was)

    If you are headed to college next year or the year after, that''ll be your saving grace. Stay in a dorm to get away from this battlezone at home.
    short+sassy
  • Something else for your parents to consider:

    To get your sis involved and active in a sport -- a school team, extracurricular or some sport like marital arts or dance lessons -- and an after school activity.

    Every middle school or junior high has extracurricular clubs; so do many k-8 grammar schools. There are school choruses, band, music lessons, student council, etc.

    She would be kept busy, it would be great for her in many other ways --- she will be doing something she is good at and she'll learn how to work with others, plus we all need to blow off steam -- and it would be less time for her to be at home, getting her nose into things that it has no business being in.

    Everybody is good at something. I have never seen it fail.
  • My younger sister wrote in her myspace account (a few years before facebook came out) about how I was always the one causing trouble in the family and how I was messing up my life because I left home at 18, got married at 20, and had a child at 21. Your sister may have issues and no she shouldn't have had read your diary....but she did. I'm sure my sister had no idea I'd ever come across her myspace page and read what she wrote about me...but I did. And it hurt not only because I now knew what she really though of me (without telling it to my face) but that she thought she was better than me. A lot of her beliefs stemmed from what my family had labeled me to  be (especially my older sister and father). Fast forward, 15 years later and I can assure you that I'm doing much better than she is. I have made a life for myself despite my difficult past with my family and being the blacksheep. And she is still living at home at 30 years old and slowly realizing that I'm not the loser she thought I was. I am doing  better than her but I'm not throwing it in her face. Just be careful how you treat your sister. She is much younger than you, less mature. Please don't give up on her because I know exactly how that feels. My younger sister gave up on me a long time ago because I didn't do what made the family happy. It hurts to see her make an effort to build a relationship with other family members and not with me. She blames it on my actions but she doesn't realize that her coldness and bitterness towards me after I left home is what caused us to become estranged. You have to realize that both of you are at fault for your falling out and if you ever hope to have a healthy relationship with her you'll have to accept her as she is and eventually forgive her. If not, then you two will always have a toxic relationship because she'll resent you for writing bad things about her (just like I resented my sister for a long time). She may change if she realizes that you will be there for her no matter what. Of course you don't have to agree with her actions and you have the right to call her out on things but try to show her that your love for her is unconditional. Otherwise, her attitude towards you will never change.
  • Julien C: Well meant, but you are preaching to the choir.:)

    THis young lady needs rules and reeling in. She needs to know what respect for other's privacy is about and she also needs intervention.

    Some of this is age gap and some of this is tween rebellion --- most of it is not -- it would be a great idea for her parents to get her to a social worker for a few sessions. She needs intervention and the stealing is NOT "tween angst." This is something that needs attending to; ditto the lying.

    Until the OP's parents realize that OP's Kid Sis is having a problem, this mess will continue. And so will the enablement with the kid sis. This isn't healthy for anybody.
  • It's hard to suggest ways to help her because mostly they would have to be implemented by your parents, and your parents are a big part of her problem. I also don't completely agree that you need to show her "unconditional love". My sister was emotionally abusive, manipulative, and just damaging to be around - she had her own issues of insecurity that started it all, and my mom enabled her out of guilt for leaving her with her dad until she was in high school... We are also 6 years apart. To this day she is still the same underneath it all, and we are not close because of it. I second at least getting a lock box for your journals and stuff - your parents don't need to know about it and I think the door lock will just draw attention and cause drama - but maybe that's what you need to make your point. ;) Either way, put yourself first.
  • I don't agree with all of the previous suggestions about locks on your doors without talking to your parents. I think you should talk to your parents about what options you can both agree on. If they don't agree to putting a lock on your door with a key, maybe just one that you can lock when you are in your room so that she can't just barge in. And to keep your journal and other things private, maybe they can get you a security box/safe for at home that you can keep your journal and other small things like jewelry that mean a lot to you. With you only being 17, I'm not sure if a bank would allow you to get a safe box at the bank without a parent's consent because you are still a minor. Plus that wouldn't be easy then for you to get to your journal when you want to write in it.

    In regards to getting her help, your sister may not have any mental health issues. It could be just that at her age, she is going through a lot of emotions and hormone changes and doesn't know how to deal with them. I know at that age, my niece had anger issues and didn't know how to deal with them. Which lead to verbal fights with her parents, her punching holes in walls and breaking other things. With the help of a wonderful doctor, she learned that the emotions she is going through is normal and they found more healthy ways for her to deal with them. One thing the doctor recommended which helped my niece a lot was that they got her a punching bag & gloves. So whenever she was angry, she could take it out on the punching bag. Sometimes I would be over visiting, she would be on her phone and then all of a sudden you would hear her punching away hard on the bag. 20-30 minutes later she would come down, and we would ask her, if she wants to talk, sometimes she would, sometimes she wouldn't because she would have already calmed down & figured things out. I'm sharing this story not necessarily as a way that would work for your sister, but for you to know & share with your parents, that taking her to a doctor doesn't mean that she will be labeled with a mental illness. Sometimes having an outsider to talk to, can help a person figure out what the problems are that are making them the way they are, and ways to offset it. Another note, my niece is now a very happy well adjusted 21 year old who knows how to deal with her emotions, especially her anger. And if she does by chance have a mental illness, the sooner they get her help, the sooner she can have a more normal and happy life, which isn't what all parents want for their kids?

    Tofumonkey
  • You think her parents will sit down to reason? Fat chance --- they already enable the kid sister. This isn't a good or a healthy family dynamic and you are also parents: authority figures --- and not pals.
  • @Tarponmonoxide, why are you being so negative? You're encouraging her to go against her parents put locks on her doors & keep the extra key. She is still a minor and still living under their roof. Even though there are issues with her sibling, she still needs to be respectful of her parents and she needs to talk to them first before doing anything with the locks on door. Even if they aren't willing to address the issues with her sister, doesn't mean that if she asks for a lock or a safe to keep her stuff in, that they wouldn't consider allowing it for peace in the family.
    Tofumonkey
  • Erikan73 said:
    @Tarponmonoxide, why are you being so negative? You're encouraging her to go against her parents put locks on her doors & keep the extra key. She is still a minor and still living under their roof. Even though there are issues with her sibling, she still needs to be respectful of her parents and she needs to talk to them first before doing anything with the locks on door. Even if they aren't willing to address the issues with her sister, doesn't mean that if she asks for a lock or a safe to keep her stuff in, that they wouldn't consider allowing it for peace in the family.

    Well, if your had a sister who was stealing your items and your parents don't seem to want to fix this mess...

    What would you do?

    She can try to talk to them but I guarantee you it won't work.

    I don't see any other recourse except to protect what is yours.
  • @Erikan73 I re-read my response and realize that it seemed I encouraged op to get a lock for the door... Not my intention at all, mostly because that would never fly in my house, or with my kids as they grow up! If I tried it it would definitely draw attention though.

    That being said OP I do think you deserve a lock box of sorts, and I would really hope your parents would buy you one, even if they want to know the combo too.
  • @Erikan73 I re-read my response and realize that it seemed I encouraged op to get a lock for the door... Not my intention at all, mostly because that would never fly in my house, or with my kids as they grow up! If I tried it it would definitely draw attention though. That being said OP I do think you deserve a lock box of sorts, and I would really hope your parents would buy you one, even if they want to know the combo too.
    Then get a lock box --- a trunk or something, something large that the sis cannot walk off with --- and put everything of value inside it. 
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