I've been married for a couple of months. First, the good. My husband is my best friend. I love him dearly and we were friends long before getting married. He's funny, kind, generous and treats me well most of the time.
The bad is that he can be pretty shallow at times. He really cares what others think of him--he needs a nice car, the fanciest shoes, and really must have the admiration of others. It's a family trait. They are all successful and like to one up each other. I know this inherently insecurity. My family is much less successful but also embraces internal worth. The way his family worries about what others think exhausts me.
However, I am a firm believer in "accept others with their faults and pray they accept you with yours". We have talked about this issue and he works hard to control that side.
I am by no means perfect. I work hard but my job causes a lot of stress--I'm prone to anxiety--so I have backed off a bit. I definitely could lose 15 lb. I try to dress nicely but I dont have natural style--and frankly it's not always my highest priority. I'm well liked and gregarious though, as he is. We have a lot of friends and are very social.
Soooo....he's very opinionated about what I wear and how I look. If we are going out he will pick my clothes because he wants me to look a certain way. He will veto my outfit. He asks about my weight, eating and exercise nearly everyday. I know that he sees me not only as his partner but in a small way, as his trophy. Evidence of his worth.
Tonight was a breaking point. While at a surprise party for our married couples group at church, I asked the guest of honor if she was happy to be surprised. She laughed and said she was glad she had a nice outfit on. I laughed and recounted a story of when my husband threw a sweet surprise dinner to celebrate my promotion and I was SO surprised that I actually looked like a bum.
That's when he piped up to all present, "Right, as opposed to how wonderful you tonight?" and snickered. Everyone looked embarrassed or surprised. I continued the conversation like nothing had happened but I was mortified.
Nothing I was wearing was terrible. I had skinny jeans with some tears in the knee. a nice black flowy shirt, silver flats, silver layered necklaces. I actually thought I looked nice.
When we got home I had a two minute conversation with him. I told him he embarassed me but, more importantly, made himself look like an ass. He agreed and apologized 10x. I was nice about it, but have been crying on and off since.
I'm not sure the best way to address this behavior but it does need to be dealt with. Suggestions? I'd really appreciate it.