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BIL+wife cut ties after finding out about my pregnancy

Long story short, my BIL and his wife are idiots. They do not think about their futures and only care about themselves. My BIL recently left the marine corp and moved himself, his wife, and their son in to his parents house. Keep in mind, that he has no job lined up, gets almost everything handed to him, and wouldn't know how to think about anyone other than himself if his life depended on it...Despite mine and my husband's feelings, we have always tried to remain supportive and give advice/help when we can (ESP once they planned to have their child, after all it's not the kid's fault that they're stupid). We just want everyone to be happy in the family, so we avoid conflict and take pride in ourselves for being well rounded.

This passed Friday, my husband and I found out that we are having a son. This will be our first child, and we are overwhelmed with joy. Unfortunately, without notice, the BIL has blocked us both from Facebook, won't speak to my husband, and now his wife isn't speaking to me. They were talking to us like they normally do, up until they found out that we were having a boy. I don't understand this at all. Please, help me understand this.

Re: BIL+wife cut ties after finding out about my pregnancy

  • I think we're missing parts of this story.  Did your BIL know you were having a baby and this is why he blocked you and won't speak to you?  And why would he care?  He has a child.

    I don't understand what's happening here.
  • Meash2516Meash2516 newb
    First Comment
    edited August 2015
    They knew I was pregnant to begin with.
  • Meash2516 said:
    They knew I was pregnant to begin with.
    And?  I'm still missing why it is that you think he cut you off.
  • It sounds like you think the stopping communication has something to do with your being pregnant with a son?  Like they already knew you were pregnant, but the communication stopped when they found out you are pregnant with a son?

    Maybe they are worried the parent gravy train will reduce down to a trickle with another grandchild/grandson in the mix.

    It still seems like a weird reason to stop communication.  I can't help but wonder if it is something else.  Are the parents he is living with also your H's parents?  If so, I'd talk to them about the situation.

    If not, I'd send out a final e-mail/voice message saying you all are concerned they have not been in contact and is there something we did to offend you.  That you miss them and would like to talk.  Something like that.

    And if they don't respond, they don't respond.  For whatever reason, they have cut off the relationship.  Other than trying to reach out again a couple times a year, I'd just let it go and wait for them to get over whatever it is they are upset about. 

  • Long story short, my BIL and his wife are idiots. They do not think about their futures and only care about themselves. My BIL recently left the marine corp and moved himself, his wife, and their son in to his parents house. Keep in mind, that he has no job lined up, gets almost everything handed to him, and wouldn't know how to think about anyone other than himself if his life depended on it...

    I am guessing he was coddled and enabled as he was growing up, so this is on his parents. Not a healthy relationship and not healthy for your BIL.

    And knowing that he was like this, his wife is a bit too optimistic and a bit needy. That's on her.   

    Despite mine and my husband's feelings, we have always tried to remain supportive and give advice/help when we can (ESP once they planned to have their child, after all it's not the kid's fault that they're stupid). We just want everyone to be happy in the family, so we avoid conflict and take pride in ourselves for being well rounded.

    This passed Friday, my husband and I found out that we are having a son. This will be our first child, and we are overwhelmed with joy. Unfortunately, without notice, the BIL has blocked us both from Facebook, won't speak to my husband, and now his wife isn't speaking to me. They were talking to us like they normally do, up until they found out that we were having a boy. I don't understand this at all. Please, help me understand this.


    My guess is this is some sort of form of jealousy.

    Jealous that the spotlight is on you and that you've got a kiddo on the way and this is also insecurity.

    Nothing you can do about this...and this is why I hate Facebook. This defriend/block shit is almost like "the last word" and one would not do this in a face to face personal relationship. This is a coward's way of coping with something.

    I don't know what you can do at all. They may come around, they may not. Sorry for your troubles. 

    KyraNerys
  • VORVOR member
    Eighth Anniversary 500 Love Its 500 Comments Name Dropper
    Meash2516 said:
    We just want everyone to be happy in the family, so we avoid conflict and take pride in ourselves for being well rounded.


    So.  You think they are idiots, you clearly don't think highly of them, and then you pat yourself on the back for avoiding conflict and being 'well rounded'.   Perhaps they realize that now that you're also having a boy, you're going to think you're the expert on everything boy and they don't feel like listening to you tell them how to live their lives and how to raise their son.

    Especially for the fact that you keep calling them idiots but yet you wrote "this passed Friday". 

    I think you are probably not quite as generous and helpful as you think you are.  Your post grated on me.  I can only imagine how your overall treatment of them comes off.


    NoneForUscatsareniice1
  • I wouldn't worry about it. Right now you need to focus on you and your baby and getting ready for his arrival. No need to add stress on why they aren't communicating with you. Big thing is, don't let this interfer with your relationship with your in laws, continue to visit them as you normally would.

    Once your son is born, if BIL & his wife, give you advice about how to raise your son, which is possible since you've given them advise on things in their life, just politely go, thanks for the information, we'll take it into sonsideration. You'll be getting advise from not only them, but all your family and friends, so that answer may become a good standby answer for that. In the mean time, relax and enjoy the rest of your pregnancy and time will work things out.

  • Maybe they just deleted their facebook accounts and didn't actually block you...
    KyraNerys
  • abrewer5 said:
    Maybe they just deleted their facebook accounts and didn't actually block you...

    Or did a temporary turn off of their account. I have more and more friends doing the "break from social media" thing
  • NoneForUsNoneForUs member
    100 Love Its 100 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
    edited September 2015
    VOR said:
    Meash2516 said:
    We just want everyone to be happy in the family, so we avoid conflict and take pride in ourselves for being well rounded.


    So.  You think they are idiots, you clearly don't think highly of them, and then you pat yourself on the back for avoiding conflict and being 'well rounded'.   Perhaps they realize that now that you're also having a boy, you're going to think you're the expert on everything boy and they don't feel like listening to you tell them how to live their lives and how to raise their son.

    Especially for the fact that you keep calling them idiots but yet you wrote "this passed Friday". 

    I think you are probably not quite as generous and helpful as you think you are.  Your post grated on me.  I can only imagine how your overall treatment of them comes off.


    I am glad that I'm not the only person who saw this. 

    Maybe your in-laws can sense that you look down on them and that's why they cut ties? You come across as rather arrogant and belittling when it comes to your BIL. 

    It isn't your place to judge your BIL for being spoiled and not having a job. For all you know, he could have a mental illness or disability that prevents him from being independent. It could also be that your BIL's parents feel that they need to help him for reasons that you aren't aware of.

    Lastly, the job market is terrible. Perfectly qualified and educated people cannot find work, so maybe you should stop judging your BIL for being unemployed. 

    As for Facebook, plenty of misunderstandings arise from social media. Your in laws may have deleted their Facebook account. If you talk to your BIL the way you have spoke of he and his wife in this thread, I wouldn't be surprised if they didn't want to be in contact with you anymore. 


  • I'm with VOR.  You seem very upset about losing the regard of people you have decided are idiots.  You can't both decide that they're spoiled idiots AND be bummed out that they have cut you off.  I mean, you can, but it would be irrational.

    You have two choices:  1) decide they really are idiots and stop worrying about their tantrum on social media, don't give them the satisfaction of knowing they've affected you, or 2) take a good, hard, honest look at your own statements and actions over the past few weeks leading up to them turning their electronic backs on you.  Be open to the possibility that you've done something to legitimately offend them.  If you want to mend the relationship, send them a handwritten note through snail-mail that apologizes and expresses your desire to patch things up.

    BTW, passed = went by; past = the time before the present.  Two totally different words. 
    NoneForUs
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