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Baby on the brain, hubby keeps changing the topic

Hi everyone!

I was terrified of being pregnant/childbirth (probably abnormally so!) for a long time, but recently have felt my maternal instincts kicking in.

THEN I visited my little sister when her baby was born and now I have the worst baby fever ever :(

Even just late last year, I felt more rational and wanted to work through some things with my hubby (we are going to therapy and this has helped a lot) and make sure we were more financially sound before having kids, but now I can't get this off of my head.

We've been married for three years and I turn 30 this month. I want to have kids before I'm 35, but whenever I bring it up now he says "in a few years" and "we should just adopt."

All of which I would have been on board with before, but now it makes me really sad. I feel like he doesn't want to have kids and is just pushing things off.  

When we were struggling to work through relationship issues, I told him I didn't want to have kids with him if we didn't work those things out and he got upset, but now that we have been successfully working through other issues he doesn't seem to be on board.

I know this is something we need to talk about together, but just wanted a place to share my feelings tonight.

Thanks for reading :) 


Re: Baby on the brain, hubby keeps changing the topic

  • GilliCGilliC member
    Ancient Membership 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    Hi everyone!

    I was terrified of being pregnant/childbirth (probably abnormally so!) for a long time, but recently have felt my maternal instincts kicking in.

    THEN I visited my little sister when her baby was born and now I have the worst baby fever ever :(

    Even just late last year, I felt more rational and wanted to work through some things with my hubby (we are going to therapy and this has helped a lot) and make sure we were more financially sound before having kids, but now I can't get this off of my head.

    We've been married for three years and I turn 30 this month. I want to have kids before I'm 35, but whenever I bring it up now he says "in a few years" and "we should just adopt."

    All of which I would have been on board with before, but now it makes me really sad. I feel like he doesn't want to have kids and is just pushing things off.  

    When we were struggling to work through relationship issues, I told him I didn't want to have kids with him if we didn't work those things out and he got upset, but now that we have been successfully working through other issues he doesn't seem to be on board.

    I know this is something we need to talk about together, but just wanted a place to share my feelings tonight.

    Thanks for reading :) 



    I assume you had an agreement about kids before you got married. What did you decide then?
    image
  • GilliC said:
    Hi everyone!

    I was terrified of being pregnant/childbirth (probably abnormally so!) for a long time, but recently have felt my maternal instincts kicking in.

    THEN I visited my little sister when her baby was born and now I have the worst baby fever ever :(

    Even just late last year, I felt more rational and wanted to work through some things with my hubby (we are going to therapy and this has helped a lot) and make sure we were more financially sound before having kids, but now I can't get this off of my head.

    We've been married for three years and I turn 30 this month. I want to have kids before I'm 35, but whenever I bring it up now he says "in a few years" and "we should just adopt."

    All of which I would have been on board with before, but now it makes me really sad. I feel like he doesn't want to have kids and is just pushing things off.  

    When we were struggling to work through relationship issues, I told him I didn't want to have kids with him if we didn't work those things out and he got upset, but now that we have been successfully working through other issues he doesn't seem to be on board.

    I know this is something we need to talk about together, but just wanted a place to share my feelings tonight.

    Thanks for reading :) 



    I assume you had an agreement about kids before you got married. What did you decide then?
    Exactly.  People do and should discuss these things before marriage.  Babies are a deal breaker.
  • I'm not understanding "we should just adopt".  Why would he say that?  It such a weird thing to say.  And adoptions, even for older children, take a very long time.

    You need to have a heart-to-heart talk with him about what his reservations are on having children.  Point out that fertility starts decreasing for women the older they get (though it is usually more after 40 that starts accelerating) and its not like there are just years and years of time to "think about it".  Plus, generally speaking, as people age they have less energy...that goes for both men and women.  And toddlers have a lot of energy!

  • Just to play devil's advocate here- my husband and i talked about having kids before we got married and it was a yes, in the future one day we will.  5 years later- people change, marriage evolves, things happen.  Turns out I don't want to have children now.  He would be ok with having them but is not unhappy without them. Luckily this was a decision that didnt break us.

    You definitely need to sit down with your husband and talk about this.  Maybe he feels your relationship issues haven't been fully worked out.  Or maybe they have and he wants to enjoy your marriage for a bit before adding kids to the mix.  Or maybe his feelings have changed on the topic.  It is not an easy thing to deal with, trust me, like i said above, ive been there.  Maybe bring it up in therapy, get it out in the open that its a topic you need to work through.
    imageimage
    short+sassy
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