Family Matters
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stinamareestinamaree member
Fifth Anniversary
edited March 2015 in Family Matters

Best Answers

Answers

  • VORVOR member
    Eighth Anniversary 500 Love Its 500 Comments Name Dropper
    I agree- you need to start accepting her and your relationship with her for what it is.  The comment about you stealing her son - that was over the top, but nothing else really strikes me as "OMG!!! How horrible!".

    A few comments.

    To this: MIL didn't even care enough to sit with him in the waiting room while I
    was in surgery. He was hurt by that, and when he hurts, I hurt.

    Really?  REALLY?  This is where I feel you're stretching.  My DH has had back surgery too.  NEVER ever did it occur to me that anyone should call ME to see how I'M doing, much less come and sit with me.  If this is really an expectation of yours, then I think YOU are actually part of the problem. 

    Now, I'm very sorry for your loss.  I know that was a painful experience.  But I have to say - while you will always love that child and consider it your child, to now expect her and everyone else to say they have TWO grandchildren?  Again- that's a stretch.  That doesn't mean she wasn't acknowledging your pregnancy. 

    Again, I find this an odd expectation and I think it's giving some insight into YOU and how you may come across to people. 

    It sucks to see her be close to your SILS, but in the end, she is a PERSON first, a mother second and an MIL third.  Just because you married her son, it doesn't mean you're going to be close to her.  And it also doesn't mean she's going to have an equal relationship w/ all her DILs.  While perhaps she can be a bit rude to you and that DOES suck, I'm sorry, but some of the stuff you listed as "issues", it REALLY makes me question if you're actually overbearing and unrealistic across the board.
    puppylove2014
  • I agree with @VOR. It seems you are reaching a bit for things to be upset about. I can't imagine anyone coming to sit in a waiting room while I'm having surgery. Certainly not my IL's. If my husband were upset that his mother didn't check on HIM...I would tell him to quit being a baby. 

    As far as how many grandchildren she has... I don't know of anyone who would say they had more and then go on to explain there had been miscarriage(s) in the family. Beside making for a really uncomfortable answer, this is such a sensitive, personal issue (as you clearly know) did it occur to you that she may not want to bring it up and cause you further pain? 

    The bolded statement below shows me you are not willing to let go of the things you feel she has done to slight you. You stated she is not a warm person, so stop expecting her to be. It stinks that she seems to have good relationships with others in the family, but you can't force a relationship with someone who doesn't want one. 

    Shen is one person in your life. Enjoy the people who are wonderful to you and accept your MIL for who she is. Don't tell her "I love you" and expect the same in return. Personally, I don't want someone saying that who doesn't mean it and I don't want to be pressured to say it either. 

    After we got married, we went to go visit her, and promptly after stepping into the house she asked us if we wanted to eat...she was facing the stove when doing so...when she turned around to look at us she said "oh no! You guys do not need anything to eat! Looks like you guys over ate..." Hmm...I think she just called us fat. Ouch...like a knife through my heart...or my fat stomach...one of those, because clearly I have both. As hard as that was to absorb, I did. But I never forgot

    VOR
  • @stinamaree- Not cool to DD because you didn't like the advice given. I am now convinced you need to look at your part in this. Good luck.
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