I have been a serial cheater since I was 15. When I met my now-husband, for the first time in my life I made serious
efforts to control my admittedly kind of sociopathic tendencies. (I was severely abused as a child and serial cheating was my coping mechanism. Please don't judge me... we all have our demons
). Anyway I've been cheating-free for over a year now. It is kind of a miracle, I was in a really dark place that I didn't think I'd ever get out of. I couldn't have done it without a lot of love and support from my husband and a lot of help from God.
A few nights ago, someone I work with kissed me. I said no but he kissed me anyway, and then I kissed him back. Even though I stopped him from going any further and left immediately in a state of horror, it was still totally my fault for putting myself in the situation (alone with him) when I know myself and I should have known better than to be alone with another man, at night, after having drinks.
The situation is like a million times better than anything in the past, because in the past I would have most definitely slept with this other man. So I am able to live with myself...but I still can't help like feeling I broke something sacred in my marriage. I have never cheated on my husband before and I feel like I'm on a slippery slope into my old ways.
I will definitely be getting some professional help in the form of therapy. But in the meantime I haven't told my husband yet and I don't know if I can/want to/should. I think if I didn't have a history with this type of behavior, I would keep it to myself and move on, since we only kissed and I had the self-control to leave before we had sex (even though we were both under the influence of alcohol). I really think it would be better for my husband and myself to just quietly seek help and deal with this on my own...but I hate being dishonest.