Trouble in Paradise
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Please help me!

So, my fiance is being sued.  If there's an arrest warrant out for him in another state, it's only valid in that state correct?  I just want to make sure before letting him drive my car...

Also, if there's a lein on property, what does that mean?  If I purchase a home, and we're married, but his name is not on the lease, the law can't do anything right?  He seems to think if we purchase a house in my name ONLY, no one can touch it.  I'm not so sure and am a bit nervous.

He didn't appear in court, so a warrant was issued for his arrest, but in a different state (we live in NY, it's in NJ). He owed someone money, he didn't pay them (he wasn't working) and they sued. He never appeared in court, so the judge issued a bench warrant.  

He seems to think it will go away, and I'm not so sure. I'm nervous because there's a lein against him (Not sure what this is exactly) but if we are married and I purchase a home, even if his name is not on the deed, I'm told he's entitled to half of what I own...which means if he's being sued, MY home could be in danger...does anyone know anything about this? I'm so lost.


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Re: Please help me!

  • Your fiancé is an idiot, it will not just go away. I've watched COPs enough to know warrants do cross state lines, I wouldn't risk him driving my car.
    TarponMonoxidepuppylove2014bmo88
  • edited January 2015
    So, my fiance is being sued.  If there's an arrest warrant out for him in another state, it's only valid in that state correct?  I just want to make sure before letting him drive my car...

    I believe an arrest warrant is good for all 50 states and territories!

    What did he DO?

    There can be a variety of reasons why there is an arrest warrant -- they will even do it if you are in contempt of court (you dont' return your jury duty notification by X date, for example, or you don't pay a parking ticket)

    Also, if there's a lein on property, what does that mean?  If I purchase a home, and we're married, but his name is not on the lease, the law can't do anything right?  He seems to think if we purchase a house in my name ONLY, no one can touch it.  I'm not so sure and am a bit nervous.

    Judging by what you have told us, I would not buy a copy of the New York Times with this guy. He's quite the fool, from what you described so far.

    Buy no home at all right now, not by yourself or with him. 

    A lien is done when a creditor is owed money. The person owns real property and the creditor establishes that that amount is "owed" against what that person owns.

    Who does he owe money to?

    This is IMPORTANT! He'd better say who it is and tell you right now.

    If a creditor is putting a lien on something, it must mean your FI owns property or some other asset.

    Haven't you discussed this mess he is in with him?

    Better yet, hasn't he come clean on all of this, when it happened?

    Or if this happened before he met you, he needed to tell you when the relationship showed a chance of getting serious. That was a pretty good indicator of his character, (if all of this happened before he met you, that is)

    He didn't appear in court, so a warrant was issued for his arrest, but in a different state (we live in NY, it's in NJ). He owed someone money, he didn't pay them (he wasn't working) and they sued. He never appeared in court, so the judge issued a bench warrant.  

    He needed to lawyer up when he  could not pay up.

    And he needs a lesson in responsibility! When you are summoned to court, you have to show up!

    This had to be in the mix for a very long time. Suing somebody and getting a court date does not happen in short time.

    He seems to think it will go away, and I'm not so sure. I'm nervous because there's a lein against him (Not sure what this is exactly) but if we are married and I purchase a home, even if his name is not on the deed, I'm told he's entitled to half of what I own...which means if he's being sued, MY home could be in danger...does anyone know anything about this? I'm so lost.


    He seems to think it will what???

    Hoo boy....is he NUTS???

    Or just immature???

    For you to do, right now:

    Put the wedding date on hold.

    Keep it on hold until you get to the bottom of this mess and keep it on hold until  you get the details and facts  to your satisfaction and you know the facts are true and without lies.

    If the wedding date is within the next several months: cancel the wedding altogether. This mess will not be resolved by then, I guarantee you.

    Demand paperwork to back up his claim. I'm serious.

    Run a credit check on him, right now.

    Demand to know all the details.  See how much money he is in hock  for -- it could be a few thousand, it could be a lot more than that.

    Retain an attorney for this situation --- it is a must. Discuss this entire mess with him and get his input. Get all of the facts: who the money is owed to, when the debt was incurred,, how much he owes, what attorneys on his side are involved, etc.

    That he didn't fess up to all of this when he should have is also the issue. This is poor character and it is also a lie by omission.

    If you don't buy any of what he tells you, I suggest you cut bait and tell him adieu.  He could be in a gigantic money mess, for all you know...and that is NO way a marriage should begin.

    That is no way a relationship should continue, either.

    He needs to tell you now what is involved: How much he owes, when it was owed, under what circumstances and who or what is involved. He needs to give you the dates this happened and who the creditors are.

    If he won't say so, or he refuses to give you all of the details in their stark nakedness, bad news: run like hell.

    He also needs to pay this debt off in full before he marries you.

    That is on him and that is his obligation. He is not to involve you in this or bring debt into your marriage.

    He could wind up having his wages garnished or a great many other things happen, thanks to the debt he owes.

    And who is this "Someone"? He'd better tell you and let you know right now. You have full right to know who it is and know everything that is involved.

    I am going through a hell of a money mess with a sibling: it is not pretty. I wound up taking him to court. I cannot "divorce" or "break up" with a sibling --- however, you can, right now, or in the near future, if the situation warrants, before you marry this guy..


    He has, so far, failed the test of character.  he did not show up in court and he did not let you know what was happening as it happened, long before NOW.

    Trust your heart on this and use your head. Love is blind and don't forsake making an intelligent decision because you loooooooove him soooo much. I'm serious.

    And above all:

    DO NOT pay this debt off for him or offer to help him out. That's not a possibility. he couldn't pay off this guy ---- he's going to be able to repay you???

    Wishing you luck.
  • I wouldn't marry someone who's so dumb about the law. You can't just not show up when you're summoned to court. Duh, you will get arrested for that. Or rather, he will. And no, they can't touch your property, at least until you get married. Once you do, it's fair game. As is your income, I think.
    TarponMonoxidepuppylove2014bmo88
  • DO NOT MARRY THIS GUY. Not only is he feeding you a bunch of BS, he is not a good person.

    As far as the car, where is his? Let me guess...he doesn't have one. 

    Please rethink this guy. If he were a good person, he would be making this right. Not ignoring it and hoping it goes away. 
  • A question from me:

    Are you living with this guy?

    If you are how did he manage to keep this hidden from you? If he is being sued, papers have to be served to him --- how did the summons get to him without you finding out? How did all of this get past you, period?

    None of this bodes well.  None of it at all.

  • As far as the car, where is his? Let me guess...he doesn't have one. 

    He may have a car....he may want to use hers thinking he can avoid being busted by a cop for the service of a benchmark arrest.
  • VORVOR member
    Eighth Anniversary 500 Love Its 500 Comments Name Dropper
    Well, he sounds like quite the keeper. Good luck!
  • He is an idiot.
    You are a bigger idiot!


    puppylove2014
  • His ex wife is suing him, because he did not fulfill his end of their divorce agreement...he's owes her about 15K and says since the warrant is issued out of state, it won't be valid here.  I know his credit is bad, he was considering filing for bankruptcy.  he has massive credit card debt that he can't pay off.

    So, if I buy a house in my name alone, while married to him, can it be affected?  I'm starting to get nervous, but he seems to feel since it's in another state not much can really happen...
  • GreenMonkey1GreenMonkey1 member
    Third Anniversary 10 Comments 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited January 2015
    Please consult a lawyer.  Your State/County Bar Association can help you find a lawyer or connect you with Legal Aid.

    Legal issues can absolutely cross state lines.  Regarding the debt - your fiance's ex-wife would have to have the judgment "moved/transferred" (not sure of the legal lingo) to his current state so that she can collect; however, it is not uncommon.  He cannot just move to avoid consequences for not fulfilling a court order.

    Again, please consult a lawyer regarding your legal questions.  
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
    TarponMonoxideGilliCshort+sassy
  • edited January 2015
    His ex wife is suing him, because he did not fulfill his end of their divorce agreement...he's owes her about 15K and says since the warrant is issued out of state, it won't be valid here.  I know his credit is bad, he was considering filing for bankruptcy.  he has massive credit card debt that he can't pay off.

    So, if I buy a house in my name alone, while married to him, can it be affected?  I'm starting to get nervous, but he seems to feel since it's in another state not much can really happen...
    If he told you this right from the start, it would have been entirely different indeed!

    Look:

    SCRATCH buying the house!  That's out of the question right now --- aren't you listening to any of us? You are hell bent for leather to buy a house; that's all you are fixated on.

    Do NOT buy a home. DO NOT marry this jerk.

    Massive credit card debt?

    How did he accrue that debt? 

    That's a horse of another color --- and considering what a fiasco this guy is with character, honesty, not fessing up about the lawsut when he should have, and the bench warrant, you need to give him the gate.

    He has zero business bringing any kind of massive bad debt into your relationship, let alone a marriage.

    Didn't he even so much as bother to tell you how he accrued that debt?

    Better yet, did you even bother to ask him for details HOW this bad massive debt was accrued? You should have!

    Don't consider marrying this guy.

    End this sham of a relationship tonight. He is NOT for you.

    15 yards, owed to an ex wife? Who knows what that is about --- I am guessing it might be alimony ------and speaking of his used to be, it would be very smart of you if you called her and got her side of the story and asked her why she and her H/your FI got divorced. I will bet you that tale of woe is storied and very interesting.
  • He owes his ex-wife $15K. If circumstances legitimately changed between the divorce and now, he should have gotten a lawyer and adjusted the divorce settlement.

    But as it stands, he owes his ex $15K. There is nothing that will change that. He also owes the credit card company. If you're determined to marry him, you are marrying all of that debt. That means that you need to stop thinking about buying a house and start thinking about how you two are going to cover the $15K+ that he owes. Depending on the laws where you live, you could end up on the hook for that as soon as you're married.

    Harsh reality:
    You are marrying a large debt which you will become partially responsible for.
    You should not be buying a house until that debt is under control, no matter whose name it's in.
    He is not a responsible person.
    He needs to talk to a lawyer and get this sorted out immediately!

    Love does not really conquer all, so you need to face the hard truth before it's too late.
    image
    puppylove2014
  • And if he was out of work and could not repay his debt --- to cover himself, he needed to secure an attorney and make some sort of arrangement to repay the debt somehow.

    This is harsh reality. And this is also what you are seeing: somebody with no responsibility.

    There'd be no way I'd marry somebody with staggering bad debt. What if you want to start a family? Or save money for some sort of future endeavor? Impossible to do now, thanks to his bad record with saving and spending money and his horrible credit score.

    There's nothing here for you.

    YOu cannot depend on him.

    Tonight, tell him the relationship is over and the wedding isn't going to happen --- and while you are at it, run a credit check on yourself.  You never know.
  • Sooooo, exactly what WOULD make you rethink this? You can't seriously be this desperate. 

    He is financially irresponsible, a liar, and does not own up to his responsibilities...not even when legally ordered to.

    Why, oh why are you still even thinking about marrying this guy or buying a house? Do you really want to be the next ex-wife who has to chase his ass around the country to get the money he owes you?
  • edited January 2015
    Sooooo, exactly what WOULD make you rethink this? You can't seriously be this desperate. 

    He is financially irresponsible, a liar, and does not own up to his responsibilities...not even when legally ordered to.

    Why, oh why are you still even thinking about marrying this guy or buying a house? Do you really want to be the next ex-wife who has to chase his ass around the country to get the money he owes you?
    That last paragraph exactly.

    Aren't you listening to anything we're saying???

    Want a house in your name?

    Drop this guy like a bad habit...and buy the home for yourself...as in to live in ALONE. Not with HIM!

    15K owed to his former wife? That's one thing....that he also has a nightmare amount of bad debt on top of that makes the picture irreparable.  Get rid of him.

    A friend of mine is divorced; she and her former H have 3 kids.

    He lost his job due to no fault of his own; he got outsourced.

    He was out of work for nearly a year (he is IT and it was tough for him to find a software enginer's job stateside) but he still paid his child support and did what he was required to do by court order and what he was obligated to do as a dad. His job isn't as lavish as the one he had but he is still doing what he is obligated to do.  

    There is no way you can build a life with this guy. No way.

    Listen to us and please make an intelligent decision.

    When he owed that amount to his x wife, he needed to enlist a fiancial planner to get some good suggestions how to make good on what he owed -- he could have gotten a part time job somewhere and used that money that he would have earned via that job to pay what he owed his ex wife..but the horse is out of the barn now and he's gone and made a huge mess. He's just not responsible nor is he smart.;
    puppylove2014
  • Do NOT MARRY this man!!!!!
    TarponMonoxide
  • edited January 2015
    Wow he could have helped himself if he was smart.

    That part time job with the earnings dedicated to paying down the debt from the x wife would have been a good idea.

    Or he could have gone through his attorney and the court and made restitution and gotten permission to pay on some type of payment plan until he got a job. Job losses happen; the courts will understand.

    And when he went back to work full time he could have dedicated things like a holiday bonus to be given to the x wife to help pay off what he owed, or ensured any other bonuses went towards paying off the debt...that, along with a part time job to hel;p 

    That that amount turned into 15 grand is staggering. How long did this go on, with him not paying due to him being out of work?

    I somehow think there may be something wrong with this story, too.   I wonder if you have gotten the complete story from him, and the one that is the truth.Something is fishy here indeed.

    That he's got a big pile of other bad debt is horrible --- how dare he expect to start a marriage with such a black cloud for him and you to marry under! He can't go bringing this mess into your marriage -- and here is what else:

    Your marriage is OVER there and then, once you say I do.

    The financial stress will be horrific and the fall out from it will start immediately -- I guarantee you that you and he will argue constantly over this debt and argue vehemently  -- and you'll have a third, fourth and fifth party in on your marriage: his ex wife, her attorney and the court!

    Add a sixth party:

    His attorney.

    You've got quite the full house there!! What a mess, all of it.

    You will grow to resent him, if not downright hate him.

    Make an educated and wise decision.

    Because believe me you, he is nothing to love, judging from what you told us. 

    Get out now before there is a chance you can catch pregnant accidentally -- and wow, sis --- if you do and you choose to have the child, you won't get a hell of a lot of honorability from him after that! Do you see any honorability emanating from him right now??? You will be stuck with his sorry ass for 18 years. 

    Thank your lucky stars you found out about this now. Imagine if he said nothing until after the wedding! (you could have torn off his arm and beaten him with it, put him through the wall and then had the marrriage annulled....in that order.)

    Get rid of him and do it today. Wash your hands of this mess.

    And for safety's sake: see a counselor after you dump his ass..

    You are going to be bitter about this; nip this in the bud with a therapist's help. Life is too short to waste time feeling bitter.
  • And what floors me is that the OP didn't even do research on any of this --- you have the internet at your fingers and legal help abounds! Find out what a lien is, what it entails and what happens when somebody skips out of an assigned court date: it is called contempt of court.

    The OP didn't even see an attorney for legal advice --- our county bar will refer you to 3 attorneys in the discipline you need --- you need a lawyer that is proficient in debt and bankruptcy --- and from there, you get a free consultation from each.

    And what floors me is that this debt owed to his x wife mushroomed into a sizable amount! He should have taken care of this immediately, before it became of tremendous proportions.

    As I said, this didn't happen overnight. This lawsuit has to be in the works for at least a couple years.

    I hope you own NO real property or assets with this 100% horse's ass.
  • The lawsuit had been going on for over 2 years...he was summoned to go to court (in another state) and he refuses to go, he fears he may get arrested.  He says as long as he stays here, he won't because the warrant is not valid here, only in the state of NJ.  I'm LIVID...He claims he talked to a fianncial counselor who told him if we put everything in MY name we'll be fine...however, a banker friend of mine fears that if we marry, they can go after my possessions and wages....
  • it sounds like you want to hear if you will be liable if you marry him for all his debts. The answer is yes. A lawyer can give you more specific details about the laws in your state. I find it incredible that you would put all your trust in someone that has shown he is untrustworthy. He refused to show up in court? Let's just pretend you buy a house in your name only. You get married. You find out more unsavory behavior and you want to divorce him. You now owe him half this house. He has no money to pay his debts now and no job so then you would possibly owe him alimony. Please see this fact about ny: If only one spouse's name appeared on the title, that spouse received the property. New York is now an equitable distribution state. When a couple divorces, the court must divide their marital property equitably, or fairly. Listen to everyone who wrote here. Don't be so desperate to get married that you ignore your common sense screaming at you. If he does file for bankruptcy and you do get married then that will be your credit too. For years! Of course you are livid. You know deep down that this guy is showing extreme loser behavior. Why would you stay?
    puppylove2014TarponMonoxide
  • edited January 2015
    The lawsuit had been going on for over 2 years...he was summoned to go to court (in another state) and he refuses to go, he fears he may get arrested. 

    Gee, that's really reallllly too bad. [sarcasm]

    He will be arrested if he forfeits the court date! He will be held in contempt of court.

    Do you really want to stay with a coward? and an irresponsible one, at that???

    How long have you been with this jerk? You mean to tell me you knew about this lawsuit for 2 years and it didn't seem to concern you????

    The second you found out about the lawsuit, you needed to retain an attorney and get all the facts.

    He will be arrested. His x wife has his address --- there will be a bench warrant out for his arrest.


    He says as long as he stays here, he won't because the warrant is not valid here, only in the state of NJ.  I'm LIVID...

    Livid?

    So what are you going to do about it???

    And you mean to tell me you are going to aid and abet and harbor this jerk?

    You may be legally on the hook for harboring a fugitive and interfering with justice. For love of God, go check the NY state law on this one!

    And even so: you are not very concerned that he's running away from a problem!

    Do you think the problem is going to go away? or don't you realize what kind of deep shit this jerk is in?

    He claims he talked to a financial counselor who told him if we put everything in MY name we'll be fine...however, a banker friend of mine fears that if we marry, they can go after my possessions and wages....

    Claims.

    Willing to bet that he spoke to NOBODY.....and this is his idea...

    And when he came up with this fantastic idea, why didn't ytou kick his ass right out the door????

    NO financial advisor worth his salt and with half a brain would even dare give anybody this advice --- your FI is making this mess up.

    Demand that he give you the name and address of this alleged  financial manager and I will bet you he won't give you any information --- simply because there is none to be had. He's lying to you again. Get rid of him.
    Get rid of him and do it NOW!

    Aren't you listening to anything we've got to say???

    I would lock him out of that house and too bad on him. This would be his ballgame after this.
  • edited January 2015
    spikeinc said:
    it sounds like you want to hear if you will be liable if you marry him for all his debts. The answer is yes. A lawyer can give you more specific details about the laws in your state. I find it incredible that you would put all your trust in someone that has shown he is untrustworthy.

    Seems to me she thinks he's not guilty of any wrongdoing.

     He refused to show up in court? Let's just pretend you buy a house in your name only. You get married. You find out more unsavory behavior and you want to divorce him. You now owe him half this house. He has no money to pay his debts now and no job so then you would possibly owe him alimony.

    OP: doesn't this mean anything to you???

    Please see this fact about ny: If only one spouse's name appeared on the title, that spouse received the property. New York is now an equitable distribution state. When a couple divorces, the court must divide their marital property equitably, or fairly.

    Why should this bum be entitled to ANYTHING of yours???

    Listen to everyone who wrote here. Don't be so desperate to get married that you ignore your common sense screaming at you. If he does file for bankruptcy and you do get married then that will be your credit too. For years!

    Of course you are livid. You know deep down that this guy is showing extreme loser behavior. Why would you stay?
    She's livid but not so much that she'll say goodbye to him for good.

    OP: You remind me a great deal of somebody I will call Mary.

    Mary has been involved with a guy I will call John....for years.

    She is fully aware John is in debt up to the moon. He's been in debt for years, long before he met Mary.

    John is being sued by somebody. Mary doesn't care; she has been living with him for quite some time and doesn't seem to care that he's being sued. Mary doesn't mind living in somebody''s dirt.

    Don't be a Mary.

    We don't know how else to drive it home to you that there's no future for you with your FI. He has zero to offer you, unless you count no character, dishonesty and a shitload of debt. Why do you want this creep? Can you tell us again what's so wonderful about him?

    If you are being married by a clergyp[erson, talk to that person.

    Any priest, minister, etc that is worth his or her salt will tell you that the name of the game in marriage is "Forsaking All Others."

    By virtue of the fact that he is being sued and that his wife, the law and other entities are involved, I'd say that he's already forsaken you, big time.

    Don't marry him. There is no future here for you.
    spikeinc
  • puppylove2014puppylove2014 member
    100 Comments 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited January 2015
    The lawsuit had been going on for over 2 years...he was summoned to go to court (in another state) and he refuses to go, he fears he may get arrested.  He says as long as he stays here, he won't because the warrant is not valid here, only in the state of NJ.  I'm LIVID...He claims he talked to a fianncial counselor who told him if we put everything in MY name we'll be fine...however, a banker friend of mine fears that if we marry, they can go after my possessions and wages....
    You know you're worried about the wrong things...right? This is like banging my head on a brick wall. 

    You've received good advice here. You are apparently ignoring all these massive red flags. Good luck. You're going to need it.

    You need to call a lawyer in your state to have your legal questions answered. I would also ask that lawyer how you're going to get your money from him when he dumps you and refuses to own up to his responsibilities. It's never too early to plan for your future!
    TarponMonoxide
  • edited January 2015
    The lawsuit had been going on for over 2 years...he was summoned to go to court (in another state) and he refuses to go, he fears he may get arrested.  He says as long as he stays here, he won't because the warrant is not valid here, only in the state of NJ.  I'm LIVID...He claims he talked to a fianncial counselor who told him if we put everything in MY name we'll be fine...however, a banker friend of mine fears that if we marry, they can go after my possessions and wages....
    You know you're worried about the wrong things...right? This is like banging my head on a brick wall. 

    You've received good advice here. You are apparently ignoring all these massive red flags. Good luck. You're going to need it.

    You need to call a lawyer in your state to have your legal questions answered. I would also ask that lawyer how you're going to get your money from him when he dumps you and refuses to own up to his responsibilities. It's never too early to plan for your future!
    It very well can be that he is using you.

    I wouldn't trust this guy if you promised me love or money -- and i can sure use both.

    What he needs is toughlove. He needs to be pitched from the premises and left to fend for himself. Let him figure out where to go and what to do once he is dumped by his FI.

    Here is a cute and interesting question:

    If this guy ain't got a pot to piss in how is it...
    1-)He is paying for his portion of the wedding?

    and how is it

    2-)He can even afford to own anything, if he is so down on his luck?

    You said that somebody's got a lien on something he owns -- I am guessing it is his x wife.

    I am indeed willing to bet he is using the OP for all she's got.

    ETA at 11pm 1-23-15: Whatever it is he owns that is real property that now has a lien against it -- why didn't he think of selling it when this debt to his former wife showed up on the horizon??? he could have held up his end of the bargain that way!

    Do you even know what it is he owns that has the lien against it?  

    You need to call a lawyer in your state to have your legal questions answered. I would also ask that lawyer how you're going to get your money from him when he dumps you and refuses to own up to his responsibilities. It's never too early to plan for your future!

    Chances are that you will never see the money from the damages he'd create! I don't think there is a judge anywhere who would be able to unravel that kind of mess!

    Get rid of this guy and do it now. And get out while you still have all of your assets, your sanity and your self esteem.

    I cannot fathom why you even agreed to stay in a relationship with a guy who has a fantastic amount of credit card debt, let alone a very outstanding debt with a spouse and a debt, to boot, where his x wife is now suing him over failure to pay up what he should pay. WHY are you with him at all?

    spikeinc
  • magsugar13magsugar13 member
    Ancient Membership 5000 Comments 100 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited January 2015
    I'm sorry  you are hurting, but OMG you are so lucky you didnt marry this boy. He basically said he will NEVER get a job because then they'd garnish his pay.
    NEVER

    I hope they arrest the loser....

    3 years from now youd be in the same place she is if you didnt throw his sorry ass to the curb,

    you have no where to go but up from here. soon you will realize how very lucky you are.
    :-bd


    TarponMonoxidepuppylove2014
  • UPDATE:  We broke up...I'm sad and heartbroken but there was SOOOOO much he was keeping from me.

    1.  His ex wife is suing him.  It began 2 years ago when he didn't pay his half of their CC debt...it started out at 6K and with legal fees and interest, he owes more then 15k...there is a warrant out for his arrest in NJ (we live in NY) but his ex is going to have the warrant reissued to NY.  So, in reality, she has his address; she can call the police and report noises and they could come, check it out and arrest him...he and his mommy seem to think if he never enters NJ he'll be fine.

    2.  His ex wife is receiving calls from creditors looking for him.  His debt is ridiculous.  I'm glad this came out NOW because if we HAD gotten married, even if our finances were seperate, I may have been responsible for his debt.

    3.  The fact that there is a warrant out for his arrest doesn't seem to bother him...This disturbs me.

    4.  He claims he will NEVER have to pay this money...apparently, if he were to inherit ANYTHING, he could not receive any money until AFTER all these debts were paid.

    5.  His attitude is frightening, no?  He feels he should not have to pay his ex wife and he claims he never will...in our arguing, he claims that the reason WHY he's not looking/getting a job is because  they will garnish his wages and he doens't want that money going to her...

    6. His mom COMPLETELY enables him....I'm DONE.
    Oh thank goodness this is over!!! I know this has to be tough, but his attitude is just ridiculous. He and his mother are idiots. What kind of person is NEVER going to get a job over $15,000?! He could file bankruptcy, try to negotiate with the credit card companies... something, anything, other than ignoring it and hoping it goes away. 

    You can do soooo much better!
  • You know, I'm wondering what this warrant is really for. As far as I know...if someone sues you for money and you don't show up to court the court will typically enter a judgement against you and the person suing you wins. Then if you don't pay that judgment the person sues again to have your wages garnished, tax returns seized, things like that. They don't arrest you unless you are behind on child support or maybe court fees/fines.

    I think he's lying about quite a bit here. I'm guessing you'll never get the truth from him. 
    TarponMonoxidelc07
  • edited January 2015
    And indeed: his x wife would "win" by default if he failed to show up in court!

    Something is very fishy here indeed....very fishy.
    UPDATE:  We broke up...I'm sad and heartbroken but there was SOOOOO much he was keeping from me.

    Heartbroken?!

    Sis, you should be celebrating the best day of your life!!!! You dodged a Howitzer, not a bullet!:) 

    1.  His ex wife is suing him.  It began 2 years ago when he didn't pay his half of their CC debt...it started out at 6K and with legal fees and interest, he owes more then 15k...there is a warrant out for his arrest in NJ (we live in NY) but his ex is going to have the warrant reissued to NY.  So, in reality, she has his address; she can call the police and report noises and they could come, check it out and arrest him...he and his mommy seem to think if he never enters NJ he'll be fine.

    Holy poop --- his mother is in on this?? And she's this lax with morals?

    Like mother like son!

    2.  His ex wife is receiving calls from creditors looking for him.  His debt is ridiculous.  I'm glad this came out NOW because if we HAD gotten married, even if our finances were seperate, I may have been responsible for his debt.

    Debt collectors will call "anybody" who *might* be able to say where the outstanding payee is --- I have gotten calls for my brother, his gf, my former H and for his brother and mother.

    And also for a smattering of people who have the same last name as my former H does. it is a very common last name.  You'd be surprised how they try to recoup their  loss.:)

    I could do nothing to stop one of these collection agencies from calling --- theyw ere calling on behalf of a debt bro's gf owed --- I finally called the FTC, who found out it was a book of the month club --- and when i told the agency that I'd report them for phone harassment if they called again (this was on advice of the FTC, to tell them that) the agency finally buzzed off. I never heard from them again.

    3.  The fact that there is a warrant out for his arrest doesn't seem to bother him...This disturbs me.

    It sure had better disturb you!

    4.  He claims he will NEVER have to pay this money...apparently, if he were to inherit ANYTHING, he could not receive any money until AFTER all these debts were paid.

    The IRS could also seize it...and btw, any fool who leaves that jerk a penny is insane.  And a creditor may be able to have it frozen.

    5.  His attitude is frightening, no?  He feels he should not have to pay his ex wife and he claims he never will...in our arguing, he claims that the reason WHY he's not looking/getting a job is because  they will garnish his wages and he doens't want that money going to her...

    I am surprised the creditors or his xwife hasn't seized what he owns...

    6. His mom COMPLETELY enables him....I'm DONE.
    You knew about the enablement for years. Good thing you got rid of him.

    Did you do the breaking off? or did he?

    If he did, he did you a favor. GL.

    PS: I guarantee you that he would have left you hanging in the lurch if you split up with him due to divorce -- and he would have done the same with any kind of crisis you faced.

    What a blanking idiot --- he could have had that asset assessed, sold it  and given the money to his x wife-- or had it assessed and signed it over to his x wife to settle the debt. Wow --- why didn't he take care of that when it was *only* 6 grand???
  • edited January 2015
    UPDATE:  We broke up...I'm sad and heartbroken but there was SOOOOO much he was keeping from me.

    1.  His ex wife is suing him.  It began 2 years ago when he didn't pay his half of their CC debt...it started out at 6K and with legal fees and interest, he owes more then 15k...there is a warrant out for his arrest in NJ (we live in NY) but his ex is going to have the warrant reissued to NY.  So, in reality, she has his address; she can call the police and report noises and they could come, check it out and arrest him...he and his mommy seem to think if he never enters NJ he'll be fine.

    2.  His ex wife is receiving calls from creditors looking for him.  His debt is ridiculous.  I'm glad this came out NOW because if we HAD gotten married, even if our finances were seperate, I may have been responsible for his debt.

    Bet you the x wife loves this to pieces.

    3.  The fact that there is a warrant out for his arrest doesn't seem to bother him...This disturbs me.

    4.  He claims he will NEVER have to pay this money...apparently, if he were to inherit ANYTHING, he could not receive any money until AFTER all these debts were paid.

    If you are being sued, any inheritance distribution you are to be given is frozen, until all business associated with the lawsuit is settled and done.

    And if his mother plans on leaving him one penny, she is a nutter.

    His attitude is frightening, no?  He feels he should not have to pay his ex wife and he claims he never will...in our arguing, he claims that the reason WHY he's not looking/getting a job is because  they will garnish his wages and he doens't want that money going to her...

    6. His mom COMPLETELY enables him....I'm DONE.
    Oh thank goodness this is over!!! I know this has to be tough, but his attitude is just ridiculous. He and his mother are idiots.

     What kind of person is NEVER going to get a job over $15,000?! He could file bankruptcy, try to negotiate with the credit card companies... something, anything, other than ignoring it and hoping it goes away. 

    You can do soooo much better!
    Won't pay his x wife?

    What a dishonoarable SOB he is.

    What kind of person?

    Oh, you'd be surprised....:( The job market is shot to hell and even still, as i said, he could have told the courts "I am out of work and I cannot settle that debt" -- courts know job loss happens, especially now (frontline ran a story about fathers/mothers who cannot pay child support due to long term job loss) -- and he could have sold that property he owned and turned the dollar amount  over to his x wife.

    Or if he had a job righ now,  turn over all bonuses, overtime money to her -- and get a part time gig and dedicate the earnings to paying off the debt.:(

    This is a HUGE indicator of his character. He failed that test big time. 

    (and that he simply refuses to look for work tells me that he's a bigger bum than I originally thought --- and you were to do what??? Support him and marry him anyhow??? You needed to tell him to eff off based on that alone!)
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