My dad and my stepmom have been together for 6 or 7 years and got married just over a year ago. There are three of us kids, my brother my sister, and I. My stepmom is always extremely rude and disrespectful to my sister and brother, and my sister-in-law. She used to be rude to me all the time but I just started biting my tongue and killing her with kindness, but she continues to be extremely rude to my brother and his wife and my sister, which not only are they not okay with, but I'm not either.
So here's what's going on now:
We planned to have a family gathering for Christmas at my dad and stepmom's house. When asked what time we should meet, they continually said to "come whenever, leave whenever." After my sister asked again a few days before the party, my stepmom was extremely rude, texting back "Your dad told me you texted him at work to ask what time to come on Sunday. Your dad really does not like calls and texts at work for things that can wait until after work but maybe it was so important that it could not wait. I don't know. We certainly don't want to discourage you children from contacting us. But I thought we had already cleared up the details of the party. ?? I am the one who schedules for, shops for, buys for, wraps for, cooks and cleans for any family even we have. I have not had time to even get gifts for everyone let alone pick up food for this or clean, etc. I have Saturday off to get ready. Your dad has to work on Saturday. Your dad bought one gift. That is it. I have done the rest. And he relies on me to do it. Your dad does exactly what you do. He shows up to have a good time. He helps with whatever I ask him to but he has been really tired lately and I don't have as much energy either. So to ask him what time to be here is pretty much a waste of time. As we already talked about I made it very easy for you. Come when you want and leave when you want. There is no time. I will be having a meal probably in the afternoon around 2pm or so whenever I can get it ready. Breakfast and lunch is on you. If you have any questions let me know." Now, I understand that it is easy to misinterpret someone's texts because lack of inflection and body language, but it is very clear she was being snarky. After my sister received this, she was talking about it with my brother, who it really ticked off. So my brother took things into his own hands and texted my dad telling him he would appreciate it if our dad would talk to our stepmom about her unneeded attitude and rudeness. They went back and forth for a little bit. While my dad was sleeping, our stepmom went through his phone and saw the messages between my brother and my dad. At that point she sent this to my brother: "Who do you think you are telling your dad to have a talk with me before you come over Sunday because you don't like what I have to say to your sister? She is a big girl and she can speak up for herself. She never said anything i regards to my texts to her, so why are you? Who is the shit starter now? Dont think you will ever tell me how I will or will not conduct myself in my own home in my own marriage or with your father. I am a grown woman not some child you think you can control and manipulate. Grow up. This whole party was YOUR idea. You dad was NOT happy when he found out you talked me into it. We both told you we did not want to do Christmas here but no, you insisted on it and then tell your dad he better talk to me before you come. Right. And I see it is all about the gifts not relationship. If you or your wife were interested in relationship you would be talking to me and not backstabbing about me to your dad. I am sick of your wife - the two of you having your childish fits and going wah wahhh to daddy. I am sick of your disrepectful jokes and perverted mind. Back off. Dont interfere with my marriage. And if you have something to say to me say it and the same goes for your wife...to me...not hiding beind your daddys shirt tail. But you and sally neither one can do that because all you want to do is start shit all the time. It never ends with you two. I dont play those games. And i don't appreciate your wife being all snuggly poo with my husband while treating me like shit either. What is up with that? Why is your dad telling her he would buy her a new car if he could? Just what is she saying to him when she texts him at midnight? And what is up with the two of you talking to your dad about me behind my back? if you want anyones wife talked to talk to your own and tell her i dont appreciate her attentions to my husband. If you cant stand me then stay home. I will be providing a family gathering with meal at 2."
There are so many contradictions within her text that I dont even know what to say. My sister wants to stop the bickering and sit down one-on-one with our stepmom after dinner to ask why she treats her so poorly but my sister-in-law wants to be "done" with this whole situation and is planning on bitching our stepmom out before the dinner. And I'm sitting here in the middle of all us. I personally don't like our stepmom because she really is rude, inconsiderate, and exteremely disrepectful at times and then tries to apologize for her words and actions but then goes right back to being rude. I'm just stuck in the middle and dont really know what to do.
Thanks for any advice.