Sex & Romance
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Not sure where else to turn

I have a serious issue that I'm not sure what to do about. My husband and I have been together six years. Married for four of those years. When he moved in with me our sex life pretty much came to a hault. He never makes the first move and we've gone round and round about this. He's seen a doctor over and over and still it doesn't change. I finally just stopped stressing about it. I put myself into other hobbies and just do my best to keep myself busy. I do dog rescue and enjoy it very much. The problem lies that the past year he has gotten extremely jealous and I get 4 or 5 phone calls when I'm gone and 20 questions. If I get text or phone calls he wont even let me finish texting or talking to the person before he's asking me all these questions (who's that? What did they want? What else did they say?). I'm at my wits end. We have a small business and he works in the garage at our house but is more in the house then he is out! I don't know what to do but I'm feeling like I'm being choked and smothered to death! He is fifty and I am forty six. He was never the jealous kind. I've told him over and over he needs a hobby but he would rather be with me....HELP!

Re: Not sure where else to turn

  • this has nothing to do with 'Sex & Romance', its a psychiatric difficulty and you probably both need help by the sound of it.    You need a trained therapist (non religous) who can work back chronologically and piece together what has gone wrong.   There must be reasons why he has become so suspicous and these need carefully working through.

    In a parallel post you mention a 'dry mouth' when having sex....I assume this means that you DO have at least some sex with your husband (?)     Alternatively, if this is sex with someone else then your husband is obviously right to be suspicous (?).....

    This is a very complex story and way beyond the scope of a site like this to make any helpful comments.   I suspect that we are not getting the greater part of the script here and what is being left out is likely to be as important as what's been mentioned.
    TarponMonoxide
  • edited January 2015
    I have a serious issue that I'm not sure what to do about. My husband and I have been together six years. Married for four of those years. When he moved in with me our sex life pretty much came to a halt.

    Were you and he still unmarried at that time?

    You needed to address the topic way back then --- when it was clear there was no sex after a good chunk of time --- I'd say 3 months is when the "danger zone" appears.

    Lots of us can go without sex for awhile and there are periods where we want to have lots of sex and sure, passion wanes and waxes. But I'd say at 3 months is when you say "honey, we used to be so hot and we haven't had sex in awhile".

    He never makes the first move and we've gone round and round about this. He's seen a doctor over and over and still it doesn't change.

    Perhaps he is simply not a sexually aggressive guy and never was. Surely you saw this during the early stages of your sex life with him. No meds from any doc is going to turn him into a raving sex machine. Sorry.

    You gotta talk to him and do it this weekend -- do it when you and he have time together and no interruptions.

    No physician is going to come up with a remedy to make him the aggressor -- and I am sure he was never the aggressor at the start of your sex life with him --- if sex is important to you, you'd have made sure you got yourself a boyfriend who was the aggressor and who had a much stronger sex drive than the guy you are currently with.

    You might want to see a sex therapist on your own and bounce this off him ---


    I finally just stopped stressing about it. I put myself into other hobbies and just do my best to keep myself busy. I do dog rescue and enjoy it very much. The problem lies that the past year he has gotten extremely jealous and I get 4 or 5 phone calls when I'm gone and 20 questions.


    This is not good, any of it.

    He's got no right to question you like he is border patrol. Tell him to cut it out.

    If I get text or phone calls he wont even let me finish texting or talking to the person before he's asking me all these questions (who's that? What did they want? What else did they say?). I'm at my wits end. We have a small business and he works in the garage at our house but is more in the house then he is out! I don't know what to do but I'm feeling like I'm being choked and smothered to death! He is fifty and I am forty six. He was never the jealous kind. I've told him over and over he needs a hobby but he would rather be with me....HELP!
    Can't he get inetersted in the dog rescue?

    We all need a release -- that is what a hobby is for!

    What is he good at? Let him find a hobby doing that -- there is also photography, martial arts (get him to sign up for lessons), writing, art and a plethora of other things.

    Talk to him.

    The thousand questions a day has to go and he needs to get down to business in the bedroom. it's his duty to make sure you are happy -- and if he won't even meet you halfway with sex at least twice a week --- then you can figure out where to go. Ditto with cutting out the suspicion: it has to go...or YOU will go.

    You said your sex life with him stopped when you got married. This leads me to believe one of a few things:

    1-He was always like this but somehow you only noticed it when you tied the knot
    2-Your sex life was normal in frequency but he stopped being an active participant once you got married because maybe he was trying to prove something before hand or maybe hide something after the fact.
    3-Maybe he was an active participant in giving it up and did  it to win you over and when all was said and done at the altar he withdrew the bedroom card -- shut the door and decided no more sex --- only HE can tell you why.

    TALK TO HIM.

    Let it be known you are not happy with the way things are in the sack and that he needs to start giving it up at least twice a week. 2 times a week is great for a guy his age and a couple your age. 2 times a week is fantastic for most of us.

    Let it be known the suspicion and cross examination has to GO and go immediately -- or YOU will go: I mean it -- say it and stand behind  your words --- this is,as I said, bordering on abuse. You need walking on eggs around him like you need a hole in the head.

    GL.
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