Sorry this is long.
My husband and I have only been married for 4 months after 3 years of dating both long distance, close distance and finally living together shortly.
I have never felt more lonely and depressed in my life than I do now. Trust me, I know that I am not exactly a joy to be around right now. I'm sad or angry most days. I'm depressed, without a doubt.
But it is difficult for me NOT to blame my husband for where I'm at. He is emotionally unavailable, we have a lack of intimacy and he refuses to take any responsibility for our issues. He loves making fat jokes (I'm 5'7" and 140), he "jokingly" calls me a retard (he's still baffled as to how I don't think that's funny)... the list goes on. When I need him to be my support system, he bails and goes to his computer or locks himself in a room to read a book. I can be crying and he will lay or sit next to me and not reach out a hand or ask if I'm ok. It's like human emotion has no bearing on him.
In his defense, he has taken my daughter on as his own, he is very intelligent and successful and I really do think he could figure out how to be more present in our relationship if he actually cared. I talk to him about the issues on a regular basis and his response is always, "I'll try to work on that."
We have (from the outside looking in) a nice life. We have a healthy daughter, a beautiful home, great jobs and we are able to take regular vacations.
As difficult as it is, I get up every morning and choose to make an effort to treat him as I'd like to be treated. Kiss him goodmorning, send him loving texts, join him for lunch, tell him how handsome he is, let him know I appreciate his help with my daughter. Getting nothing in return is beginning to wear on me and honestly I am beginning to think these actions and expressions by me give him a false sense that things are ok.
I don't want to be in this relationship but I also don't want to give up on the potential we have.
I think I really need a support system.
Any words of wisdom or encouragement are so very much appreciated!