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Men who have not made any advances after months of dating

Hello, I am dating a man for the last several months.  I have not met his friends or family.  He tells me he is attracted to me yet he has not yet made any moves on me besides a quick peck on the lips when we part.  He seems very shy, and has nervous habits.  My gut is telling me he might have a physical deformity or other issue.  I tried to get us alone.  He has his own place but states I cannot go to his place because his ex used to live there.  I don't think he is lying about his single status.  I have just about lost interest in him in a physical, sexual type of way.  What do you think?  Can you relate?  

Re: Men who have not made any advances after months of dating

  • Hello, I am dating a man for the last several months.  I have not met his friends or family.  He tells me he is attracted to me yet he has not yet made any moves on me besides a quick peck on the lips when we part.  He seems very shy, and has nervous habits.  My gut is telling me he might have a physical deformity or other issue.  I tried to get us alone.  He has his own place but states I cannot go to his place because his ex used to live there.  I don't think he is lying about his single status.  I have just about lost interest in him in a physical, sexual type of way.  What do you think?  Can you relate?  
    Why don't you just talk to him about it?
    image
  • Just from reading what you wrote, I think he sounds a little bit shady.  Even if he's not lying about his single status, he's still intertwined with his ex, at least emotionally, if her former presence means you can never go to his place.  It could also be an excuse for something else (i.e. messy place, horrible roommates, etc.)  If you're losing interest I would probably go with that feeling.  It sounds like there may not be chemistry between the two of you.  If you're still interested in pursuing him, I agree with talking to him about it.  
    doeydo
  • I think he is lying about his single status.
  • I get not meeting family until it's more serious. Friends, you would have thought by this point you would have meet at least one or two of his friends. What gets me is that you aren't allowed to his place because his ex use to live there. Since an ex used to live there I'm going to make a bold statement by guessing that he isn't a virgin. If he is by chance still a virgin, that would explain the shyness. But to be honest, I would be concerned more about the ex situation that the ex isn't really an ex and he feels that by not taking the relationship further, he's not cheating on her. But then again, maybe it's a religious thing. Maybe something you should talk about because if this relationship is going to progress, it sounds like you need more physical effection then you are getting.  If you don't see the relationship going in the direction you want, nothing wrong with saying goodbye. A guy doesn't have to be  jerk to end things. You can have two really nice people who aren't just the right fit for each other.
  • Maybe he was really burned by his ex. Maybe his place is decorated with pink cats and lace because he let her choose stuff. Maybe he has religious hang-ups about sex. Maybe he's shy. Maybe he's a born-again virgin saving himself for marriage. You know who DOES know what's up? HE DOES!

    Seriously, I don't understand why people don't just talk about this stuff. If you're afraid of scaring him off or something, then it's not a healthy relationship and you should cut your losses sooner rather than later. If you're afraid of "losing" a guy, he's NOT the right guy.
    image
  • Why would you date a man for months without even getting a proper kiss? There are plenty of men (and women, if you're into that) in the world. Don't waste time on a relationship that's going nowhere.
  • edited January 2015
    mbpdep said:
    Hello, I am dating a man for the last several months.  I have not met his friends or family.  He tells me he is attracted to me yet he has not yet made any moves on me besides a quick peck on the lips when we part.  He seems very shy, and has nervous habits.  My gut is telling me he might have a physical deformity or other issue.  I tried to get us alone.  He has his own place but states I cannot go to his place because his ex used to live there.  I don't think he is lying about his single status.  I have just about lost interest in him in a physical, sexual type of way.  What do you think?  Can you relate?  
    Find another guy; this one is not for you.

    Something is up --- maybe he has no family or they are all scattered and at a distance -- but to not meet at least one of his friends? That doesn't sound great.

    I also think he is hiding something; that you are not even spending time at his place is a real give away.

    Find another guy. This whole thing is fishy and shady.

    ETA: Here is another take on Mr. Shy:

    He may have some sort of social anxiety or be on the autism spectrum somewhere. He might even be socially maladjusted or perhaps for all you know, you are his first girlfriend --- he may be a very late bloomer and not know where "to start" now that he has a girlfriend.

    Who knows why he hasn't introduced you to his friends or family? Maybe you're still in the very early dating stages --- I'd say that if you are steadily dating for a few months and you haven't at least met one of his guy friends, it's bad news.

    He does not sound like the guy for you. Don't pursue a relationship with him any longer. Meet him in some restaurant and kindly and gently break the news to him that you will be moving on.
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