first I would like to extend a thank you to all that shared input, and advice.
While yes we are in active therapy some days a girl has got to constructively let it all out. The purpose of my original post was venting on a small moment in time and truly is not a clear portal of our lives and family dynamic. Three paragraphs does not disclose our complete family history. Now for SD, yes she is still 'grounded' from her phone till January. She refuses to come over and visit. DH had a long talk with her, I know it was stern and he stuck to his guns. I don't know the details of it, I was working from home during that time. I think that WE are both highly concerned with her behavior and my DH has told her that they and just her alone with see a therapist. I know it bothers him, I see him cry at night. He is not a detached parent, he and I just dont know what to do. He has two other children that he (and I) see two or three times a week. She point blank refuses. I think he feels lost, and he does try he just is like I said a little lost.
She needs her father, she needs someone that is neutral to vent too. However I (not speaking for my DH) can not force her to do anything and in the words of my frozen frenzied toddler 'let it go'
I love her very much, im am very worried but the boundaries for a step parent are hard to see at times.
Thanks ladies, your views are welcome and insightful.
(after this post im hopping to blended family) happy holidays