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Update w SD.(of sorts)

justtrishjusttrish member
First Comment
edited December 2014 in Family Matters

first I would like to extend a thank you to all that shared input, and advice.


While yes we are in active therapy some days a girl has got to constructively let it all out. The purpose of my original post was venting on a small moment in time and truly is not a clear portal of our lives and family dynamic. Three paragraphs does not disclose our complete family history. Now for SD, yes she is still 'grounded' from  her phone till January. She refuses to come over and visit.  DH had a long talk with her, I know it was stern and he stuck to his guns. I don't know the details of it, I was working from home during that time. I think that WE are both highly concerned with her behavior and my DH has told her that they and just her alone with see a therapist. I know it bothers him, I see him cry at night. He is not a detached parent, he and I just dont  know what to do. He has two other children that he (and I) see  two or three times a week. She point blank refuses. I think he feels lost, and he does try he just is like I said a little lost.


She needs her father, she needs someone that is neutral to vent too. However I (not speaking for my DH) can not force her to do anything and in the words of my frozen frenzied toddler 'let it go'

I love her very much, im am very worried but the boundaries for a step parent  are hard to see at times.

Thanks ladies, your views are welcome and insightful.

(after this post im hopping to blended family) happy holidays

Re: Update w SD.(of sorts)

  • justtrish said:

    first I would like to extend a thank you to all that shared input, and advice.


    While yes we are in active therapy some days a girl has got to constructively let it all out. The purpose of my original post was venting on a small moment in time and truly is not a clear portal of our lives and family dynamic. Three paragraphs does not disclose our complete family history. Now for SD, yes she is still 'grounded' from  her phone till January. She refuses to come over and visit.  DH had a long talk with her, I know it was stern and he stuck to his guns. I don't know the details of it, I was working from home during that time. I think that WE are both highly concerned with her behavior and my DH has told her that they and just her alone with see a therapist. I know it bothers him, I see him cry at night. He is not a detached parent, he and I just dont  know what to do. He has two other children that he (and I) see  two or three times a week. She point blank refuses. I think he feels lost, and he does try he just is like I said a little lost.


    She needs her father, she needs someone that is neutral to vent too. However I (not speaking for my DH) can not force her to do anything and in the words of my frozen frenzied toddler 'let it go'

    I love her very much, im am very worried but the boundaries for a step parent  are hard to see at times.

    Thanks ladies, your views are welcome and insightful.

    (after this post im hopping to blended family) happy holidays

    It's time for some good old-fashioned discipline.  This is your house and everyone in that house deserves to be treated with respect.  Being understanding and talking can only go so far.  She wrote those things about you on your phone?  No more phone.  She needs to do extra chores around your house- few weeks of being responsible for all the laundry in the house would be a good punishment.  

    She's still a child and you are both in control while she is in your house.  She's testing her boundaries and acting out and she needs to see consequences to those actions.
  • justtrish said:

    first I would like to extend a thank you to all that shared input, and advice.


    While yes we are in active therapy some days a girl has got to constructively let it all out. The purpose of my original post was venting on a small moment in time and truly is not a clear portal of our lives and family dynamic. Three paragraphs does not disclose our complete family history. Now for SD, yes she is still 'grounded' from  her phone till January. She refuses to come over and visit.  DH had a long talk with her, I know it was stern and he stuck to his guns. I don't know the details of it, I was working from home during that time. I think that WE are both highly concerned with her behavior and my DH has told her that they and just her alone with see a therapist. I know it bothers him, I see him cry at night. He is not a detached parent, he and I just dont  know what to do. He has two other children that he (and I) see  two or three times a week. She point blank refuses. I think he feels lost, and he does try he just is like I said a little lost.


    She needs her father, she needs someone that is neutral to vent too. However I (not speaking for my DH) can not force her to do anything and in the words of my frozen frenzied toddler 'let it go'

    I love her very much, im am very worried but the boundaries for a step parent  are hard to see at times.

    Thanks ladies, your views are welcome and insightful.

    (after this post im hopping to blended family) happy holidays

    It's time for some good old-fashioned discipline.  This is your house and everyone in that house deserves to be treated with respect.  Being understanding and talking can only go so far.  She wrote those things about you on your phone?  No more phone.  She needs to do extra chores around your house- few weeks of being responsible for all the laundry in the house would be a good punishment.  

    She's still a child and you are both in control while she is in your house.  She's testing her boundaries and acting out and she needs to see consequences to those actions.
    I also think you guys should think about my allowance "deal.":)

    Consider the rules and common sense behavior she'll have to comply with to get her loot each week.

    Besides, kids need money --- they need to learn how to save and spend plus there is always an occasion coming up where she will need money: school dance/party, gift for a friend's b'day, holiday gifts for the family, some neat pair of boots she has her eye on.:)

    He and you should see a therapist on your own --- tween years -- and teen years are gonna be rough. Kids will do anything to rebel; this is all part of growing up. Sometimes it's a matter of a duking it out for terrtory thng or seeing how much you can get away with with the ole fart parents, but then again if this is behavior that is alarming or out of control or the kiddo is doing things like cutting lots of classes or there's booze or drugs involved, it is time for intervention from a professional.
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