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What to do about feelings about what significant other did in the past.

My boyfriend and I have been together for about 1 year and a half.  At the beginning of the relationship I had just recently gotten out of a marriage and he was "playing the field" per se.  We both were seeing other people and doing our thing in the first couple months.  After about 2 months we had talked about being exclusive and he had agreed, however I found out he still had a online dating website profile and was still texting some of the girls.  When I found out he was very apologetic and did his best to redeem himself.  He did delete it and it really hasn't been an issue.  He is very loving and a wonderful man to me.  However, recently we were setting up the kids IPADs we got for them and it synced with each of our gmail accounts.  When he was gone I looked through his and found old emails from the first few beginning months of the relationship to other girls that were of a sexual nature.  There was nothing recent or even from the last year in there other than typical generic emails.  I brought it up to him and he apologized and said it was all way in the past and he has made a complete 180 since then and is so in love with me and just wants us to be a family.  He said he was sorry he still had that in there and didn't realize it was still there.   I don't have any belief that he is doing this now, and thats not my problem but I just keep thinking about him talking with them, sending pictures to them.  I don't know how to get over it.  I love him so much but it just overwhelms my thoughts and is pushing me away from him and I resent him almost for things in the past, even though he has pretty much been perfect since. I'm just wondering if someone has some advice or went through something similar.  

Re: What to do about feelings about what significant other did in the past.

  • puppylove2014puppylove2014 member
    100 Comments 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2014
    Normally I am totally ok with snooping. I have nothing to hide and neither does my husband. I also feel if someone thinks something is up, they have a right to know. 

    That being said, you really crossed the line here. You must have really had to dig to find sent emails from a year ago. He is entitled to his past. He is entitled to that privacy. Now, you have to live with the consequences.

    I'm not sure why you're having a hard time letting it go. According to you, you were seeing other people too at first. How would you like it if he held that against you? And how would you like it if he went snooping for ammunition to hold against you? 

    I'm not trying to be harsh, but you just have to let it go and realize you were wrong to go looking for something you didn't want to find.
  • LizRN2007LizRN2007 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2014
    Touche...I think I snoop because of the incident of me finding he was still on a dating website in those first few months after we were dating.  I had deleted  mine.  I am just super insecure and have lots of trust issues. . But I totally agree with you.  Thank you
  • something must have given you a reason to snoop??
    An ex I was with for 3 years...never once did it cross my mind to snoop or wonder.  But this last guy I was with for over a year...different story lol. Something about the person he was made me want to snoop and so I did. Found some stuff but brushed it off. silly me. A lot of stuff from his past too I read were the same feelings u are feeling now. It was like almost a jealousy feeling and angry but not sure why. The other stuff i did find didnt help though. stuff i found when we were already dating. I actually stopped snooping through his crap cuz It wasnt healthy and then 3 months ago something told me wasnt right...found him on a dating site. pfff lol. not sure where im going with this...but comparing my two relationships...theres a reason why we would even think about snooping. 
  • Ok - so wait - these emails - were they from when you all were casually dating or were they from after you all agreed to be exclusive? 
  • Since there is nothing current, basically it sounds like from the point you confronted him the one time, nothing since. I would let it go & let it be proof that once you had the conversation, he did do a 180 and you are the only girl in his life. I know we need to keep our eyes open and look for red flags, but there is also a point where you need to enjoy what you have and stop trying to find problems when there aren't any.

    puppylove2014
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