Family Matters
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Continue renting from parents or move?

Two years ago, my husband and I moved back to my hometown after being gone for seven years. At the time we didn't know if wanted to rent or buy and my parents had a rental home that was vacant. (It's also the home I grew up in.) We decided to give it a try because it's a beautiful home with a pool and huge yard for the kids. We are paying a very fair rent for the market. Here's the thing, after two years we're ready to find a home to call our own but very much want to downsize and simplify. We have two children, one who has special needs, and I feel like I'm drowning keeping up with a house this big. And the electric bill puts a huge financial strain on us with our daughter's medical bills. My parents offered to sell us this home but there's no way we'd afford the mortgage or afford the upkeep on a 5,000 sq. foot home. We found a home that's much smaller but affordable and a block away from a community pool and park. We gave my parents 30 days notice and explained to them our reasoning in a gracious and polite manner. To say it lightly, they're furious. They want us to stay where we are and not move. They're even offered to pay the electric to entice us to stay. I think they have an emotional attachment to the home. They also think the other home is too small. While free utilities it's tempting considering our budget, but my husband absolutely wants to move. The new house would be "ours" and he takes pride in that. I'm not looking forward to the stress of moving and selling a bunch of stuff because we won't have room for it. And of course we'd be moving around Christmas. I feel like I'm choosing between my parents and my husband. I admit renting from my parents is awkward at times but I also feel like I should be grateful even though this home is unrealistic for our future. I'd appreciate your thoughts! Thank you!

Re: Continue renting from parents or move?

  • I don't know what kind of wedding vows you made, but if there was anything along the lines of " To put above all others and let no one come between " then this is what it means.  It means putting your husband's feelings, comforts and concerns over your parents.  So you made the choice on your wedding day and you chose your husband.  He is not equal to your parents, he come before them.   Sometimes being an adult means doing what is best for the family you created, not what is best for the one you were born into.  

    I also want to tell you that you will simply have to come to terms with your parents being upset with you.  Better them than your husband and it's not like the world will end if they are mad at you.  I honestly believe that upsetting your parents is part of growing up.  I have had to upset my parents and my husband has upset his.  If anything they respect us more now because the know we won't be pushed around.  
    englishtrish1puppylove2014
  • Two years ago, my husband and I moved back to my hometown after being gone for seven years. At the time we didn't know if wanted to rent or buy and my parents had a rental home that was vacant. (It's also the home I grew up in.) We decided to give it a try because it's a beautiful home with a pool and huge yard for the kids. We are paying a very fair rent for the market. Here's the thing, after two years we're ready to find a home to call our own but very much want to downsize and simplify. We have two children, one who has special needs, and I feel like I'm drowning keeping up with a house this big. And the electric bill puts a huge financial strain on us with our daughter's medical bills. My parents offered to sell us this home but there's no way we'd afford the mortgage or afford the upkeep on a 5,000 sq. foot home. We found a home that's much smaller but affordable and a block away from a community pool and park. We gave my parents 30 days notice and explained to them our reasoning in a gracious and polite manner. To say it lightly, they're furious. They want us to stay where we are and not move. They're even offered to pay the electric to entice us to stay. I think they have an emotional attachment to the home. They also think the other home is too small. While free utilities it's tempting considering our budget, but my husband absolutely wants to move. The new house would be "ours" and he takes pride in that. I'm not looking forward to the stress of moving and selling a bunch of stuff because we won't have room for it. And of course we'd be moving around Christmas. I feel like I'm choosing between my parents and my husband. I admit renting from my parents is awkward at times but I also feel like I should be grateful even though this home is unrealistic for our future. I'd appreciate your thoughts! Thank you!
    You have to do what is right for you.

    House is too big for your current needs. End of story.

    Move, and if they get pissy, that's their choice. Don't let them bully you or stonewall you. GL.
    puppylove2014
  • What the hell is your parents problem? That's my reaction to this. Move. YOU said the house is too big for you and overwhelming. Move. This isn't about your DH vs your parents. This is about YOU and what YOU want too. To stay just to appease your parents? Really? You're an adult. Move.
    puppylove2014
  • puppylove2014puppylove2014 member
    100 Comments 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited November 2014
    What everyone else said. Life is hard enough to begin with. NO ONE, especially your own parents, should give you one ounce of shit for you making your life more manageable. They are being selfish.
  • Another vote for move.  Be gracious to your parents for the offer, but let them know in a polite way that it's impossible for your family to stay there.
  • VOR said:
    What the hell is your parents problem? That's my reaction to this. Move. YOU said the house is too big for you and overwhelming. Move. This isn't about your DH vs your parents. This is about YOU and what YOU want too. To stay just to appease your parents? Really? You're an adult. Move.
    If you read some of her other posts, you will see that her parents aren't...how do I say this delicately..not the most reasonable people.  
  • VOR said:
    What the hell is your parents problem? That's my reaction to this. Move. YOU said the house is too big for you and overwhelming. Move. This isn't about your DH vs your parents. This is about YOU and what YOU want too. To stay just to appease your parents? Really? You're an adult. Move.
    If you read some of her other posts, you will see that her parents aren't...how do I say this delicately..not the most reasonable people.  
    After I replied, I realized I recognized her name.  I didn't go research, but yeah...  And really, even more so a reason to get out from under their thumb.
    Disneygeek77
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