Sex & Romance
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How much sex is 'average'/'normal'?

We've been together 8 years, married for 3 years. We are both 26. we are happy. We have good jobs,a lovely home, wonderful family and friends. We are very affectionate, very cuddley, hold hands, kissing.....life is pretty damn rosy but.... But our sex life is non existent. We have sex probably four times a year. When we do it's great. We both say we'd like to have more sex. But we are both rarely in the mood. We used to have loads of sex but it's not really happening anymore. Are we unusual? What is normal?

Re: How much sex is 'average'/'normal'?

  • I don't have quite as long of a history, but DH and I dated for 3 years and have been married for just over 3 months.  We are 24 and are good for once a week usually.  We both enjoy it, but we either aren't in the mood or don't have the energy usually.  It doesn't seem to bother him and it doesn't bother me.  When we were dating it could be multiple times a day, but now we are newlyweds and just bought a house so we are busy with housework and other things.  In my opinion, it's only a problem if one of you is unhappy.  That's my take and I'm interested to see what others say. 
  • There is no "normal". I would say a healthy sex life is one where both parties are happy/satisfied. That's different for everyone. As long as you and your husband are happy with the arrangement, then there isn't anything wrong. 
    maffealschuette2cowgirl8238
  • Yellow218 said:
    We've been together 8 years, married for 3 years. We are both 26. we are happy. We have good jobs,a lovely home, wonderful family and friends. We are very affectionate, very cuddley, hold hands, kissing.....life is pretty damn rosy but.... But our sex life is non existent. We have sex probably four times a year. When we do it's great. We both say we'd like to have more sex. But we are both rarely in the mood. We used to have loads of sex but it's not really happening anymore. Are we unusual? What is normal?
    You and he need to talk.

    Sounds like you fell into a bad sexual rut and you can't get out of it.

    Talk to him outside the bedroom and tell him you want to be hot as hell with him again.

    I say go for things like date nights, jump into the shower with him, make up a nice hot bath and invite him in, browse sex manuals together and buy a couple, things like that.
    doeydo
  • Four times a year?! We used to have sex almost daily but now it has gone down to about three times a week. Sex is important in a marriage and imo, four times a year is not healthy. 
    Daisypath Anniversary tickers
    TTC since September 2012
  • ladygoldfish.  As long as you are both satisfied with it your fine.  Maybe try to spice it up some to have it more, but that's your choice.  As for us we have been together for 3 years and married one and it's about 2-3 times a week.  Hasn't really changed much.  I actually want sex a lot more then he does so I normally initiate it.  If I had it my way we would have it almost everyday but that's not practical for your lifestyle so I'm happy with the way it is now. 

    Don't feel like you have to compete with what other couples are doing.  If you and your husband are happy that's all the matters.
  • I can relate to this. We have been married 4.5 years. We both waited till marriage. We have sex like 1-3 a month. I wish it were more frequent because i feel like that is what our culture tells us is "right" or "good". But then i take a step back and think..."this is about me and him!!" If we are happy and content, which we are, then who is society to tell us what is "right/good"...... just my thoughts/opinion! :)
    schuette2
  • There is no "normal". I would say a healthy sex life is one where both parties are happy/satisfied. That's different for everyone. As long as you and your husband are happy with the arrangement, then there isn't anything wrong. 
    So much this. DH and I have been together 7 years, married for 4 years, I'm 28, he's 31. Both of us just started full time jobs in our career fields in the last 18 months, I'm still finishing up school. Some months we can't keep off each other, others (like this last month) we're lucky if we hook up once or twice. There is no such thing as normal. 
    If you would like to try for more than a few times a year, try scheduling it, then spend the day texting each other about what you'd like to do to the other person. When you get home, act it out. 

  • Is your sex life less than 'average'? Yes. But what stands out to me is that in the very first line you said 'we are happy'. That's all that matters. As long as you both are truly happy, it doesn't matter one bit what average is! Do what works for you and what makes you both happy. If you want it more, than go for it, but if this works and you both have your intimacy needs met other ways I.e. Cuddling, hand holding, etc. then that's all that matters
    cmarieerickson
  • Experts define a sexless marriage as sex 10 times or less per year.

    That said, if you are happy making love four times a year that is all you need to be concerned about.

    My husband and I are intimate 3-4 times a week. Neither of us would have it any other way. 
  • There is no normal or average. That being said, I am also 26, and have been with my husband for nearly 8 years. At first our sex life was insane, often 2-3 times a day. But as we both got older and we got more stressed out and life got complicated, yeah it slowed down. There was a time when we were down to once a week. But to be honest, neither of us were happy about that. So we had some honest discussions and agreed to work on it. And I won't say it's like it used to be, it probably never will be again. But that's ok. We average 3-5 a week and are both happy with that. I know for me, what helped the most was just doing it. Even when I didn't really feel like it. Because what happen was when he asked I'd say no and that's the end of it. But after I decided to say yes, even if I didn't really feel like it, I would end up really enjoying myself(you know what I mean). After a while I wanted to say yes more and more. It can be a vicious cycle, no sex makes you bot want it, means no sex, etc. But the cycle goes the other way too. Say yes, have great sex, want more, say yes, etc. Hope that helps!
    hortons0510Marriedmybf
  • Everyone has said some great words. Do what makes YOU happy as a couple, not what makes other people happy. Your life, and my life, and their lives are all different. I am the same w/ nessie994 . I felt we got in a rut, but just do it! Start the forplay even if you don't feel like it. You know you will be satisfied in the end.
  • Your normal seems to be 4 times a year. Your first line answers your own question.
    My normal after 23 years of marriage and enjoying my empty nest at this time in my life is sometimes 4x's per day. 2 years ago it was 4 times a month.
    What I do know for certain without a question of any doubt. Our happiest time in our marriage is right now. You grow together.
    danmidi81
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