Hi all -- I'm new here, but in need of advice.
I am a step-mom to a wonderful 12y/o boy and have been for 9 years. In that time, I have never been able to forge a co-parenting relationship with his mother. She will not communicate with me so every transaction goes through my husband, which has been palatable because my relationship w/ my step-son is very strong. We are due to have our first baby together (my step son's 3rd younger sibling as his mom has 2 others from another later relationship) and she has decided that my step son doesn't need to have a relationship w/ his baby brother or any of his other relatives on his dad's side for that matter. I should also note that my step son is very happy about his baby brother to be and has helped me this summer w/ brainstorming names, getting the room ready etc.
She told us just the other day that for us to see my step-son, my husband needs to take off work for the duration of the visit (she lives 6 hours away so visits are long weekends, holiday breaks and summer) or we won't get him since he should be w/ his dad 100% of the time during the visit and never w/ other relatives.
This isn't financially feasible and I really don't see the issue in spending some of that time with me, his many aunts, uncles, cousins and grandparents who all live in close proximity to us. This has never been an issue prior to our pregnancy. I guess I don't understand where she is coming from -- could this be an old wound? Maybe she hasn't gotten over my husband after all this time or she's struggling w/ happiness in her world at this time. I just don't know, but I don't feel like letting her withhold him from his dad and loving family members is the answer.I really don't want to involve courts again or take any steps that would make it hard on my stepson, but I know his relationships with both sides of his family are equally important.
Any advice on how to have my husband approach the issue with her?