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I feel bad for this kiddo

Upstairs from me are my brother, his live in and the live in's DD.

They have been living there since end of September. DD is 12.

In this entire time, I have not seen DD venture out of the house alone -- not to go to the library or teen center or even to take a walk to get some air and some sunshine and some exercise.  Apparently she partakes in no after school endeavors.

Live In picks her up after work lets out and DD comes straight home with her.

It is now summer vacation and that kiddo spends all her time alone in the apartment.

I don't think the kid has any friends.

I can't say anything to Live In about DD spending all that time alone, even out of concern --- I had it out with Live In over another incident but that's another story.

I can't see how a parent doesn't think this isolation or whatever it is you call it is healthy or nomal for a 12 year old girl. They are active in their house of worship; you mean to tell me there's no tween program there or a religious studies group for yungsters? I find that hard to believe...and if there is the kiddo isn't active in that, either.

Her school is a good one and surely there must be a chorus or science club she could have joined. Nope.

The only time that kid leaves the premises is with her mother and/or Bro -- never alone.

She needed intervention when this began --- our town also has many activities over the summer for kids her age; we have summer camps, swim lessons, twee nights at the pool and rec center, arts and crafts, and others --- sign her up for something like that. Or send her to camp for the summer; Live In and her xH have the financial means and more to do so.

Very sad.

And if I say something to LI, I'll start a war. I* might say it to Bro, though: "Doesn't DD have any friends? Why is she not with kids her own age? She needs a social life, too" and who cares what he thinks.

Re: I feel bad for this kiddo

  • It's none of your business.  You aren't her parent and you don't know the full story and may not understand who she really is.
  • Oh, that I know. But my only commentary is that I feel bad for her.
  • Oh, that I know. But my only commentary is that I feel bad for her.
    My statement still holds- you don't know her or the full situation.  I teach tons of kids who have some friends in school, and every now and again talk to them outside of school, but socialization isn't high on their priority list.  I don't think there's anything unhealthy about that- I'm a social butterfly, so that would never be me, but she may be an introverted, homebody and be perfectly happy that way.  Some of the most successful people in the world are very introverted. 

    Has it occurred to you that perhaps she is being dropped off somewhere when she leaves with her parents or brother?  She's 12 years old, she can't drive, or do too much without some parent supervision.  Maybe they're going to pick up a friend and going somewhere all together.  She probably has some friends that she sees that way.

    As a teacher I've learned this- there is no normal.  Everyone is different and what is "healthy" is also relative.  Don't judge her or her parents if you don't know their life.  I had an aunt who was very judgmental of my life when I was her age and her apparent attitude and not so subtle comments made me never want to see her.  I had a very happy childhood, but she was so against my lifestyle that she couldn't see how happy I was.  
  • edited June 2014
    Oh, that I know. But my only commentary is that I feel bad for her.
    Has it occurred to you that perhaps she is being dropped off somewhere when she leaves with her parents or brother?  She's 12 years old, she can't drive, or do too much without some parent supervision.  Maybe they're going to pick up a friend and going somewhere all together.  She probably has some friends that she sees that way.

    S'he's an only and her faqther lives a couple states away.

    When they first got here I mentioned the teen center and that the libary has tons of things for kids her age. "Oh yeah, I know about that," Live In said. So who knows?

    The kids around her now have plenty more to do than what we had at that age. The high school  and middle school --- and town rec department -- has so many things a kid can get involved with; there is "something for everyone" -- the high school we went to was lax. Nothing to do after school, except a few groups like tghe Key Club or Honor Society but that's not for everyone either.

    We'd have killed to get at our school what's at this high school at in this town.


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