Trouble in Paradise
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How do you forgive someone who’s hurt you?

How do I forgive my husband for physically hurting me? How do I get him to go to counseling for being so angry he put his hands on me? How do I help him understand that he was wrong? How do I help him understand that I had every right to say something to the police to protect myself? he’s moved out of the house after I made a report and he was arrested. He’s intending to divorce me asap rather than look at the huge problem we have. He’s blaming me for being wrong and reporting him, and not accepting that his actions were harmful. He’s convincing himself I am the bad guy so that he can run away from his life and his actions without any consequence. I love him enough to want him to fix himself. Even if it’s not for me anymore. He needs to accept his behavior and forgive himself. But how can I forgive (and heal from) a man who blatantly refuses to admit the truth and apologize? How can I ever move on if he cannot admit what he has done to me?

Re: How do you forgive someone who’s hurt you?

  • GilliCGilliC member
    Ancient Membership 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    How do I forgive my husband for physically hurting me? How do I get him to go to counseling for being so angry he put his hands on me? How do I help him understand that he was wrong? How do I help him understand that I had every right to say something to the police to protect myself? he’s moved out of the house after I made a report and he was arrested. He’s intending to divorce me asap rather than look at the huge problem we have. He’s blaming me for being wrong and reporting him, and not accepting that his actions were harmful. He’s convincing himself I am the bad guy so that he can run away from his life and his actions without any consequence. I love him enough to want him to fix himself. Even if it’s not for me anymore. He needs to accept his behavior and forgive himself. But how can I forgive (and heal from) a man who blatantly refuses to admit the truth and apologize? How can I ever move on if he cannot admit what he has done to me?

    Nooooo. You get out. Plain and simple. Hurting you is NOT okay, and his reaction is that much worse.

    Protect yourself. YOU are more important than your marriage.

    Please. Find a trusted friend or relative to stay with. Find an attorney. Find a counselor. I'm sorry you have to go through this, but you need to be safe, and you are not safe with him.
    image
    jessicapeacdn0292
  • Wait… I just responded to your other post- this is you too?  Oh my.  You need to go to a family or friend's house and stay there.  Go get your stuff when he isn't home or when you have someone with you to help protect you.  
  • edited June 2014
    How do I forgive my husband for physically hurting me? How do I get him to go to counseling for being so angry he put his hands on me? How do I help him understand that he was wrong? How do I help him understand that I had every right to say something to the police to protect myself? he’s moved out of the house after I made a report and he was arrested. He’s intending to divorce me asap rather than look at the huge problem we have. He’s blaming me for being wrong and reporting him, and not accepting that his actions were harmful. He’s convincing himself I am the bad guy so that he can run away from his life and his actions without any consequence. I love him enough to want him to fix himself. Even if it’s not for me anymore. He needs to accept his behavior and forgive himself. But how can I forgive (and heal from) a man who blatantly refuses to admit the truth and apologize? How can I ever move on if he cannot admit what he has done to me?
    Holy cow, woman -- run like HELL!

    He is going to divorce you?

    GREAT!

    Believe me you this is going to be the best thing that will happen to you.

    Get him to understand he's wrong after abusing you and you want this asshole back????

    WHY????

    WHY WHY WHY????

    Let some other sap bail him out. He is safely away from you, tomorrow, move out and go home to your parents' house and when you do, file for divorce.

    DO NOT look back.

    This marriage is over and it's a shambles. He's fucked it all up, not you.
  • My husband kicked me out. But he was abusive mostly emotionally but also twice physically. I thought I loved him. I stayed longer than I should of. The only thing that saved me was his selfishness because he wanted to get with the other woman. Get out! I cannot stress this enough. Get out! Set up weekly meetings with a therapist for yourself! Get out! Reading this helped me get over the love for my abuser. http://www.helpguide.org/mental/domestic_violence_abuse_types_signs_causes_effects.htm
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  • sorry you can't fix him, he is the only one in control of himself.  I would suggest working on yourself. Get out, go to counseling, get happy and live a good life without him.  You can work on forgiving hime without being with him.  I listened to many joyce meyer forgiveness audio books years ago when I was going thru some stuff.  It really helped and when you forgive you feel a huge weight lifted off your shoulders.
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  • If he doesn't want to go to counselling, and he won't admit to any wrong doing, then I don't think there is much you can do to "fix" your marriage.  I think some of these other posters don't understand that it is not as black and white as just up and leaving your home and your husband.  I am sure you still love him ... he must have his good days where you enjoy being around him and you feel the love.  That is what makes it so hard to leave.  Just because he doesn't want counselling, doesn't mean that you can't get counselling.  Please don't leave your future in the hands of a bunch of internet ppl who don't need to live with any of the consequences of your big choices. Please talk with a professional - there are many therapists who specialize in domestic violence.  Good luck with everything.
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  • The first time he hits you is the last time he hits you because you leave.
    Tofumonkey
  • If he doesn't want to go to counselling, and he won't admit to any wrong doing, then I don't think there is much you can do to "fix" your marriage.  I think some of these other posters don't understand that it is not as black and white as just up and leaving your home and your husband.  I am sure you still love him ... he must have his good days where you enjoy being around him and you feel the love.  That is what makes it so hard to leave.  Just because he doesn't want counselling, doesn't mean that you can't get counselling.  Please don't leave your future in the hands of a bunch of internet ppl who don't need to live with any of the consequences of your big choices. Please talk with a professional - there are many therapists who specialize in domestic violence.  Good luck with everything.

    The consequences of her choices could possibly mean her life. It absolutely is that black & white. 
    To the OP,
    There is nothing you can do to fix this. Only he can do that & if he is not even willing to admit his actions are wrong then that should tell you that he thinks this behavior is appropriate. The only thing that you can do is decide if you are going to stay in an abusive relationship or not. Please get out before something horrible happens. 

    Anniversary

  • You need counseling ASAP

    You dont need him to admit anything to move on. Stop using that as an excuse. You dont need to forgive him either. You need to stay away from him and get yourself help.




    Tofumonkey
  • GilliCGilliC member
    Ancient Membership 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited June 2014
    If he doesn't want to go to counselling, and he won't admit to any wrong doing, then I don't think there is much you can do to "fix" your marriage.  I think some of these other posters don't understand that it is not as black and white as just up and leaving your home and your husband.  I am sure you still love him ... he must have his good days where you enjoy being around him and you feel the love.  That is what makes it so hard to leave.  Just because he doesn't want counselling, doesn't mean that you can't get counselling.  Please don't leave your future in the hands of a bunch of internet ppl who don't need to live with any of the consequences of your big choices. Please talk with a professional - there are many therapists who specialize in domestic violence.  Good luck with everything.
    HE HURT HER! And he refuses to apologize for PHYSICALLY HURTING HER!

    I'm sure we all understand that she loves him, and that it's hard to leave, but this is a common reaction in an abusive relationship. A part of me still loves my XH, even though he shattered my self confidence to the point that I thought about suicide so often that I kept a box cutter in my desk just in case. I still have the scars from the day I threw myself into traffic after a particularly bad fight.

    Yes counseling is a must. And yes, this is a huge decision. But he hurt her enough that the police arrested him. Taking some steps to ensure her safety is not unwise. Sticking around to try to patch up her marriage is extremely dangerous when the man is willing to commit violence that led to police intervention and yet refuses to even apologize!

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    Tofumonkey
  • You don't need him to admit he was wrong in order to move on. What you need to do is build up your confidence and esteem to know that you were RIGHT! No matter what he says, what he thinks or what he does. Know inside yourself that you deserve better and what he did was not okay. You can't change him or make him recognize that he was wrong. What you can control is where you go from here. I hope you can find help to get away from him and build up your self-esteem so you never let him or anyone else get away with hurting you.
  • If he doesn't want to go to counselling, and he won't admit to any wrong doing, then I don't think there is much you can do to "fix" your marriage.  I think some of these other posters don't understand that it is not as black and white as just up and leaving your home and your husband.  I am sure you still love him ... he must have his good days where you enjoy being around him and you feel the love.  That is what makes it so hard to leave.  Just because he doesn't want counselling, doesn't mean that you can't get counselling.  Please don't leave your future in the hands of a bunch of internet ppl who don't need to live with any of the consequences of your big choices. Please talk with a professional - there are many therapists who specialize in domestic violence.  Good luck with everything.
    Yes, especially this one!


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