Family Matters
Dear Community,

Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.

If you have questions about this, please email [email protected]

Thank you.

Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.

Help

Where to begin?  So my MIL does not like me, she is constantly making snarky remarks, and has also let my husband know that she doesn't like me because I have "changed" him, all things I have tried to work on and I have also encouraged him to discuss with his mom to make life easier for everyone.  My husband hates confrontation and is in denial about the situation, which doesn't help matters.  Not only does my MIL not like me but she is also going through something herself so she is constantly unhappy which results in arguments with all of her children and grudges for days.  Lately it is my husbands turn to be her target, she is apparently angry with him because we never have her over.  Meanwhile we have had plans for 2 weeks to have her over this week, we just got back from our honeymoon (which she refuses to acknowledge or ask about and we also both had business trips right after).  I know the issue is much deeper but I am not sure how to handle things.  My husband is a mess and I feel like it is time to speak to someone about how to handle this situation.   

Re: Help

  • Also whenever we try to make plans with her she is too busy going out with her friends, everything must be on her time and she threatened to start showing up to our house unnanounced.
  • Well, I hate to say this, but MIL antics aside, the very obvious problem is your H. He doesn't like confrontation, but he is now married and he needs to put you, his wife, first. Your MIL speaks badly about you, he needs to step up and tell her to cut the crap. She threatens to 'show up unannounced' to your house? Don't answer the door. She gives you a hard time about it? Oh well, then your H needs to let her know that no, it is unacceptable (and rude) to show up without calling first to see if you guys are even home. Your H needs to stand up and tell his mother to cut the dramatic narcisistic crap.

    Some mothers have a hard time letting go of their sons, but again, your H made a vow to you to put you before anyone else - including his mother.

    Disneygeek77
  • edited June 2014
    Where to begin?  So my MIL does not like me, she is constantly making snarky remarks, and has also let my husband know that she doesn't like me because I have "changed" him, all things I have tried to work on and I have also encouraged him to discuss with his mom to make life easier for everyone.

    Might I ask why you married such a wimp and spineless little jellyfish?

    You, my dear, have an H problem, not a MIL problem.

    That he will not take your side is bad. Very big cause for concern...he is siding with his MOTHER, not with you. Be very pissed off and demand that he have your back.

    You also have a YOU problem.

    Tell her to cut the shit once and for all -- those words -- when she makes a comment about you. Tough on her.


     My husband hates confrontation and is in denial about the situation, which doesn't help matters. 

    Uh huh.

    Translated: He doesn't care how he lets his mother treat me and he wont' stand up for me.

    How OLD is this guy? 10 or 11, maybe?

    Not only does my MIL not like me but she is also going through something herself so she is constantly unhappy which results in arguments with all of her children and grudges for days.

    Let her puzzle her problems out for herself. She's supposed to be a grownup.

    The bunch of you are her sitting ducks. Stand up for yourselves.

     Lately it is my husband's turn to be her target, she is apparently angry with him because we never have her over. 

    And KEEP IT THAT WAY! It sounds to me like she needs to be cut off -- if not for good, at least fore a very long while....until she gets it that she is the problem and she needs to cut it out.

    Meanwhile we have had plans for 2 weeks to have her over this week, we just got back from our honeymoon (which she refuses to acknowledge or ask about and we also both had business trips right after).  I know the issue is much deeper but I am not sure how to handle things.  My husband is a mess and I feel like it is time to speak to someone about how to handle this situation.  

    You bet your ass he is a mess: he's a mess because he's already blown his marriage striaght down the drain!!!

    You got married what, a month ago or so, or whatever --- you are newlyweds --- isn't that vow pretty much still fresh on his mind, the one that goes "forsaking all others"??

    He's forsaken YOU...and big time. By virtue of the fact that he cannot and will not take your side, he's foresaken you and blown his marriage to hell.

    Also whenever we try to make plans with her she is too busy going out with her friends, everything must be on her time and she threatened to start showing up to our house unnanounced.

    DO NOT get the door when she is there!

    Let her ring away and let her pound away; you and your H/you go about your own business!

    Let her figure it out what's going on.

    Take back your house and your lives! Don't be at her beck and call!
    I am serious:

    Demand he take your side and if he dose not, send him straight home to his mother. Sounds like that's where he belongs, anyway.

    This problem had to exist for quite some time. It didn't just begin now. She was always nasty to you..and he was always her yes man.

    Right?

    I have to be right about this one...and that means you never should have dated him once you found out what a doormat and spineless jellyfish he was. Marry a MAN, not a little kid!

    If you are serious about continuing marriage with hm, you will tell him this:

    "I am sick and tired of you siding with your mother.

    "You and I are to sit down with her and you are to tell her this:

    "'Ma, what hurts my wife hurts me. As of right now you are to cease and desist your nastiness and talk to her like you are a Sunday school teacher.  My wife comes first, not you. Have you got all of that? Start being civil NOW or that is it for you.'

    "And if you don't tell her that exactly in my presence, that is it for YOU. You will be going home to her and our marriage is over."

    I am not kidding. He needs to tell his mother that exactly -- with you sitting right there ----he needs to stand up for you and do it NOW.

    ANd if he won't say that to his mother?

    Show him the door. He's got a poor resevoir of character sinply because he won't stick up for you. And that's on top of the immaturity factor.


    Disneygeek77
  • I would look at him straight in the eye and ask him why he is more concerned with his mothers feelings than yours.  Ya know, that woman he vowed to put above all others and let no one come between ?  Did he not mean it when he made those vows ( assuming your vows included something along the lines of forsake / put above all others).

    Look you need to focus your anger on your husband, your partner and your team mate and stop focusing on her.  As you can see focusing on her is getting you no where and please don't be shy about holding him accountable to the promises he made to you on your wedding day.  
  • Disneygeek77Disneygeek77 member
    Ancient Membership 2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited June 2014
    I also want to say that very few people actually like confrontation.  Unfortunately, sometimes confrontation is a necessary part of being an adult.  There are times in life when you simply have to stand up for yourself and others and confront someone.  This is one of those times, so please don't allow this to continue simply because he doesn't like confrontation.  

    Oh and also don't ever feel bad about putting him in the " middle."  When he married you, he chose to stand with you, there is no middle.  
    TarponMonoxide
  • Whoops, I almost forgot.

    Yes, this is a serious issue and you should talk to a marriage counselor about it. 

    This is no way to live for the rest of your life.  
  • VORVOR member
    Eighth Anniversary 500 Love Its 500 Comments Name Dropper
    YEs, see a counselor. You're going to need help getting your DH to see the situation for what it is. But - I agree with Disney. Who actually LIKES confrontation? Most people don't. So... you and he need to get that out of your heads.
  • You have an H problem, like many have stated. Instead of being upfront with her, he hides. What guy doesn't stand up for his wife? That is not going to help this situation if he cannot stand up to her. NOW. And for the rest of yall's entirety. Her opinions of you can shove it, that shouldn't matter. Your H needs to look her in the eyes and make it a point to her that unless she changes her attitude towards you, she is not under any circumstances welcome in your home.

    So yeah, you have a right to be upset, but you need to get him to fix this. You doing so will only make it worse. I agree counseling is the best route for you both right now. Get him to see this is NOT okay, and if he wants this marriage to work, you should be worth standing up for.
Sign In or Register to comment.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards