Trouble in Paradise
Dear Community,

Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.

If you have questions about this, please email [email protected]

Thank you.

Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.

Vacation Plans but husband has meetings

My husband and I are celebrating our 1 year anniversary in 2 weeks and had planned to take a week off together to just relax and spend some along time together.  We have had a lot of issues that have come up in the past few months that ended with us having to see a marriage counselor.  Things were starting to look up and we both had our companies approve our vacation time for our anniversary. We weren't planning on going anywhere extreme, just maybe take a few days to go to the beach and relax together the rest of the week.  I guess I was looking forward to it a little more then he was though.  He made the HUGE, idiotic (I think), mistake of telling his boss that he will still be in town and that we weren't going anywhere.  So surprise, surprise, the company is having this last minute meeting here in town that he is required to go to, which I think is a load of BULL.  Maybe I'm overreacting, maybe not but I really think that week should be about us and he shouldn't being going to a 2 day long meeting.  All he has to say for it is "we have 9 days together, me not being here for 2 of those days isn't a big deal."  It's a huge deal to me though.  He is already leaving for Italy for work at the end of this week for 6 days.  That week was supposed to be our time and now I'm just upset because I feel like he would rather put work before our marriage.  Am I overreacting for being so pissed about this?  I just feel like it's none of his companies business if we are going to be in town or not and I feel like if you have a vacation planned work should not interfere.  Not to mention this is the only vacation I get for the year where I work aside from a few days off here and there.

Re: Vacation Plans but husband has meetings

  • Yes I think you are overreacting, and you are not putting his needs into consideration here at all. He sounds like he has a stressful career (not just a job) and is working hard to climb the corporate ladder. Yes, you have 9 days together and he has a meeting for 2 of them. It sounds as though he is feeling pressure at work with having taken this time off when it was perhaps not the best time to do so and now he's got pressure with you freaking out about it, even though you do get 7 days together for your holiday in which you aren't actually GOING anywhere.

    Give the guy a break - he's trying to keep his company happy and his wife happy - it doesn't sound like HE is happy in this arrangement
    image

    Chronically hilarious - you'll split your stitches!
    I wrote a book! Bucket list CHECK!
  • I hope he doesn't have to use vacation days for the two days he's spending in meetings!

    Can you talk to your employer and work those two days instead? Then maybe you can both take those days later and spend a long weekend somewhere relaxing like a bed & breakfast or a local inn or resort.
    image
    gertiebarden
  • Welcome to the new way of doing buisiness and the new way of employee treatment.

    You'd be surprised how common this is.  YOu are never alone -- not on vacations or anywhere else -- and it is common for vacations to be interrupted or delayed due to business matters.
  • I can't remember the last time I actually had a full day off.  We went on our honeymoon and I still had to write emails and return phone calls.  We only manage to take off a few days a year together where we can both get physically away from work, but I still have to do some work.

    He didn't have to tell them he'd be around.  That's true.  But he seems to be very dedicated to his job, and there's nothing wrong with that.  My husband and I are both very dedicated to our jobs.  
  • I do think you are overreacting a bit here... No, he didn't have to go out of his way to mention that he'd still be in town, but if he's feeling pressure from work to attend this meeting, then I think you should cut him some slack. You'll still have 7 days together -- just make the most of them. That's still a full week of time together. Also, use your 2 solo days to pamper yourself (massage, mani-pedi, etc) or enjoy something that maybe he doesn't like to do...

    DH and I are going away for our 1 year anniversary in a few weeks... We'll have 6 days together... and we've already discussed taking a half day on one of those days to spend apart so we can do our own thing (he'll probably go golf while I get a massage or lay at the pool)... Spending vacation time apart is not the end of the world... and TBH, it's not a bad thing...

  • My big question is why aren't you going with him to Italy?

    My partner has a three letter job at a Fortune 100 company.  There is never a day off.  Ever.  I choose our hotels based upon whether or not there is consistent WiFi and conference phones available.  I have rejected those "get away from it all" resorts because he just can't "get away from it all".  That just isn't an option for us.

    What you do is learn to work with it.  You use his frequent flier miles to score an extra ticket for you to go along on exotic trips.  Tack weekend days onto a business trip so that the company is paying for his airfare and some of the hotel room.  All you guys have to cover is your airfare and any extra hotel nights.  If he has to submit expense reports, get a miles card so that you can rack up miles faster.

    You also figure out a schedule.  An hour after breakfast to answer urgent emails and make a phone call or two.  A quick check in before dinner can mop up anything that explodes in between.  If it is really a business trip for him, make a list of cool things to do, ask him what he wants to do from the list and then do the others by yourself.

    If you embrace the opportunities, you can have a lot of fun.  We have traveled all over the world together, and I have wandered most cities on my own.  It doesn't bother me at all and gives me an opportunity to do things he would hate -- 3 museums a day in Paris, garden photography in Tokyo and fabric shopping in London.

    The real issue here is that you guys are having problems and I bet that his work schedule is a big fat part of it.  You feel like you are not his priority.  Get to the bottom of that.
    Sigir
  • My big question is why aren't you going with him to Italy?


    My partner has a three letter job at a Fortune 100 company.  There is never a day off.  Ever.  I choose our hotels based upon whether or not there is consistent WiFi and conference phones available.  I have rejected those "get away from it all" resorts because he just can't "get away from it all".  That just isn't an option for us.

    What you do is learn to work with it.  You use his frequent flier miles to score an extra ticket for you to go along on exotic trips.  Tack weekend days onto a business trip so that the company is paying for his airfare and some of the hotel room.  All you guys have to cover is your airfare and any extra hotel nights.  If he has to submit expense reports, get a miles card so that you can rack up miles faster.

    You also figure out a schedule.  An hour after breakfast to answer urgent emails and make a phone call or two.  A quick check in before dinner can mop up anything that explodes in between.  If it is really a business trip for him, make a list of cool things to do, ask him what he wants to do from the list and then do the others by yourself.

    If you embrace the opportunities, you can have a lot of fun.  We have traveled all over the world together, and I have wandered most cities on my own.  It doesn't bother me at all and gives me an opportunity to do things he would hate -- 3 museums a day in Paris, garden photography in Tokyo and fabric shopping in London.

    The real issue here is that you guys are having problems and I bet that his work schedule is a big fat part of it.  You feel like you are not his priority.  Get to the bottom of that.
    Exactly. I would be taking off of work and going with my H to Italy. I've gone with H on business trips and do just fine on my own occupying my time.

    Why can't you take the 9 days off of work and spend 3 of them with his undecided attention in Italy? That sounds amazing! You get to go to bed together every night and wake up every morning the days he does work still. That's very nice.

    Are you not going to Italy because of finances? Are you not allowed to go? It clearly states that significant others/ spouses are allowed to go on business trips at my Hs company but on their own dime.

    A stay-cation can be just as nice. But is he feeling pressure at work? What led to him saying you are staying in town for your vacation? Since he is working two of those approved vacation days is he getting to use those vacation days another time? Can you work those days and take another mini vacation?

    Honestly I would be upset if H had to go to work during our vacation if I was expecting his full undivided attention. How upset you are is something you need to calmly discuss with your H. Discuss what his expectations and yours will be for future vacations and his work trips. Sounds like you both need to get on the same page.
  • artbyallieartbyallie member
    500 Comments Fourth Anniversary 100 Love Its First Answer
    edited April 2014
    I'm just thinking... dude, we got a weekend for our 1st anniversary. Ditto the 2nd. Only now, on our third, are we managing a week-long vacation together.

    ETA: Jobs usually trump anniversaries, sorry. You have to work with what's available in terms of time and location. Our 1st anniversary consisted of dinner at the same restaurant we ate at the day we got married, followed by a night at a hotel and a visit the next day to a science center because we're geeks like that. Last year was the same restaurant with a pair of friends who we treated because they were broke.
    Tofumonkey
  • We don't make a big deal out of anniversaries. Usually we just go out to dinner. My job is extremely demanding. If I had a big important meeting I would probably bail on a few vaca days as well. I think you are definitely overreacting. If I were you, I would switch my days off and the two of you head to Italy a couple days early and I would spend the week there exploring while he worked. How amazing!!!!
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • I can see your disappointment but you still have 7 days together. I'm lucky if I can get 7 days off in an entire year.
Sign In or Register to comment.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards