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I need some help. IL issue involving my child.

Honestly...am I overreacting? I just found out today that my ILs sent out photo cards at Christmas featuring their grandchildren (their daughter's childfen) and their grandaughter's two children (great grandchildren.) My DS was not included. He is their son's child. I'm upset. These cards apparently were sent to family and friends. We didn't get one. I get that we live out of State but why not do a collage card then that features all the grandchildren? I just brought DS here to visit this week and was told about this by another family member and was shown the card. I guess she thought I needed to know. Am I overreacting? The horse is out of the gate but I don't know what to do with this. I'm glad DS who is age 7 has no idea. DH is not here but I told him about it and he said he's got to try to process this. I really want to ask them about this but I don't think any response will satisfy me. Help.
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Re: I need some help. IL issue involving my child.

  • catmiss9 said:
    Honestly...am I overreacting? I just found out today that my ILs sent out photo cards at Christmas featuring their grandchildren (their daughter's childfen) and their grandaughter's two children (great grandchildren.) My DS was not included. He is their son's child. I'm upset. These cards apparently were sent to family and friends. We didn't get one. I get that we live out of State but why not do a collage card then that features all the grandchildren? I just brought DS here to visit this week and was told about this by another family member and was shown the card. I guess she thought I needed to know. Am I overreacting? The horse is out of the gate but I don't know what to do with this. I'm glad DS who is age 7 has no idea. DH is not here but I told him about it and he said he's got to try to process this. I really want to ask them about this but I don't think any response will satisfy me. Help.
    What the fuck is there to 'process' and why was his reaction not to call his parents and tell them how rude and unacceptable this was? I'm sensing an H problem here.
  • catmiss9 said:
    Honestly...am I overreacting? I just found out today that my ILs sent out photo cards at Christmas featuring their grandchildren (their daughter's childfen) and their grandaughter's two children (great grandchildren.) My DS was not included. He is their son's child. I'm upset. These cards apparently were sent to family and friends. We didn't get one. I get that we live out of State but why not do a collage card then that features all the grandchildren? I just brought DS here to visit this week and was told about this by another family member and was shown the card. I guess she thought I needed to know. Am I overreacting? The horse is out of the gate but I don't know what to do with this. I'm glad DS who is age 7 has no idea. DH is not here but I told him about it and he said he's got to try to process this. I really want to ask them about this but I don't think any response will satisfy me. Help.
    What the fuck is there to 'process' and why was his reaction not to call his parents and tell them how rude and unacceptable this was? I'm sensing an H problem here.
    Eh- I'm going to give him a benefit of a doubt on this.  DH and I have dealt with some issues w/ his parents over the years and while DH is 100% on the same page as me - he has to find the right way to approach his parents that works for HIM.  He doesn't like to go in guns blazing, and his approach always works - we end up with what we want.

    That being said, OP - yes, I can understand why you're upset.  I think your DH needs to call them and talk to them. Tell them that you were shown the card and they had included all their grandkids except for your son.  Why is this?  Not confrontationally- conversationally.  Try to find out what their mindset was.  Not that it will help you feel better, but just to get them to TALK and not be defensive in their reaction.

    THEN, regardless of what they say, he needs to tell them that this all hurts both of your feelings very much.  Luckily DS didn't see the card and doesn't know, but if you all find out that they do this on a regular basis, or any other indication that they don't include DS as their grandson.... it will make you all rethink their involvement in your lives.  (That might sound harsh - but seriously.  They exclude one of their grandkids?  How can they expect you all to turn a blind eye to that and how can you all just ignore it and include them as if nothing is wrong and just be one big happy family??)

    Good luck. 
    "Beer is living proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."
    ~Benjamin Franklin

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  • catmiss9 said:
    Honestly...am I overreacting? I just found out today that my ILs sent out photo cards at Christmas featuring their grandchildren (their daughter's childfen) and their grandaughter's two children (great grandchildren.) My DS was not included. He is their son's child. I'm upset. These cards apparently were sent to family and friends. We didn't get one. I get that we live out of State but why not do a collage card then that features all the grandchildren? I just brought DS here to visit this week and was told about this by another family member and was shown the card. I guess she thought I needed to know. Am I overreacting? The horse is out of the gate but I don't know what to do with this. I'm glad DS who is age 7 has no idea. DH is not here but I told him about it and he said he's got to try to process this. I really want to ask them about this but I don't think any response will satisfy me. Help.
    What the fuck is there to 'process' and why was his reaction not to call his parents and tell them how rude and unacceptable this was? I'm sensing an H problem here.
    Process it?

    it is what it is! This isn't higher math!

    Your H needs to call them and explain how something like this is simply not permissible. If they do it again, then let them have it.
  • Yes, you have every right to be upset!  I personally would call them out myself, since you are there & the situation has unfolded in front of you.  Although you are right that no explination is going to be acceptable really.  The fact that they sent out a family card full of every grand & great grand kid except yours & convientely forgot to send you all one is a pretty clear IMO!  I would start with something like "oh i saw your Christmas card from this past year, did you not have a recent pic of DS to include? We could have sent you one!" & go from there. 
    catmiss9
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